Trying to stop my son seeing this woman

[oldcatlady65]

My son has been seeing a woman for going on a year. She's actually a nice girl and when I saw them together they looked genuinely happy. He is absolutely besotted with her.
But she has 2 children and their father has some kind of hold on her and she keeps going back to him. The first time my son was beside himself. Then when it goes tits up, he welcomes her back with open arms. I've said why doesn't he try going on dates with other girls who don't have this baggage but he says he loves her and doesn't want anyone else. I know they've been meeting this week.
AIBU to message her and tell her it's best to leave him out of this, or give him some kind of sterner telling off about her? I'm worried about him getting hurt again.

I wouldn't message her, just be there for your son if it goes wrong. Don't put yourself in a situation where he has to choose between you as it might not be you he chooses. If they are going to be together better to be supportive of the relationship. She could end up being your future grandchilds mother...don't give him a stern warning as that could push him away.

my Dad has a broken relationship with his parents me and my siblings never really had a relationship with my grandparents there more like strangers to us all because my grandmother pushed my dad away she got involved to much and disliked my mother because my mother was a Romany gypsie and she tried to brake my father and my mother up and repeatedly doing hateful things to my mother at the end my dad gave up and the relationship was lost for good

Leave it. You'll make it worse and push them together

I'm not sure what the financial situation is other than he is on a high wage and she works part time in a minimum wage job as she has a child under 2. That's another thing that upsets me for my son, he really bonded with the children. The youngest was only a few months old when they started dating and he was/is really attached to her.

Hopefully they can work it out, maybe make her feel welcome and supported so she can make what is a scary life change.

I’ve seen a few replies talking about her cheating. I didn’t get that from the OP. It said she had gone back to the ex, not that she cheated. Maybe she has tried again with the ex because she has two children with him and thought it best for her children. Either way stay out of their relationship and make her and her children welcome. Hopefully they will sort things out.

If OP was posting about an adult daughter seeing a partnered man who kept 'going back' to his partner & kids - most PP would be saying that OP's DD was the OW, & the man had never left his partner.

Just because OP has a son, who is seeing a woman - doesn't make her claims of abuse any more believeable than if a partnered man was claiming "MyCrazyExTM".

I wonder if this woman's partner knows he is an ex?
Does she even live separately from her partner yet?

Ah bless him. He's fallen for the wrong woman. She's not over her ex and DS is the fall back guy. it must be very painful for you to watch, but truly there is nothing you can do to change it, and by intervening you risk alienating him. He's so besotted, what she says at the moment is going to matter far more to him than anything you say.
I assume you've voiced your concerns, so beyond that, you just have to wait for him to realise for himself. Suggesting he sees other women is a waste of time. Criticising her would be very risky. Sit tight, keep quiet and wait it out.

You have to let your DS deal with this. He will come to his senses soon, hopefully

He is in his 30s. You needvto watch and wait and bevyhete if and when he wants to talk !!

I’d definitely notice the word baggage for a start.when I met my husband I had a son and if his mother had used the word baggage I would of been devastated.
life is hard as a single mum and it’s probably quite confusing for her.
I’d be there for your don
but would not involve your self.

How are things now @oldcatlady65 ?