To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

I don’t understand how you would usually be home at 7:30 when you specifically day you worked “all day” but still had time to pick the kids up and clean the entire house before 5:30.

It seems pretty obvious that if all you wanted was to have dinner with your family for your birthday that you don’t fuck off for 2 hours at twenty to six. Most people would understand that.

I work hybrid, part of the week from office, and 1or 2 days from home. Today was my WFH day.

You sound quite unreasonable, given what you've said about what's going on in your professional life, your husband's surgery, both children's birthdays, to spend 2 hours looking for the exactly right cake for your own birthday!! Under those circumstances most grownups would not be bothered, a candle in a donut would be a lovely family moment.

Dinner is not at 6 o’clock for everyone. For your information, it’s some people eat later.

YANBU, I'm with you @Icantsleep3am ! I would be really disappointed if my family went ahead and ate without me on my birthday, your DH could at least have given you a quick call to check how long you'd be. We eat late for MN standards too, usually between 7:30 and 8:30pm, so the kids have a snack after school. It's usually 8:30ish on a Friday night for us, as we all stay up a bit later than on school/work nights.

I hope you enjoyed the cake though, happy birthday!

So you didn’t really work all day then, you were quiet enough in work that you chose to clean the whole house instead during your working day and leave to pick the kids up too. It’s just another element in your OP making you seem hard done by but it isn’t even accurate.

Dinner is not at 6 o’clock for everyone. For your information, it’s some people eat later.

I didn’t say it was, but 5:30-7:30 is the normal window of an evening meal. particularly as you got home at 7:30 with no warning. Your husband didn’t know if you were going to be back at 6:30,7:30 or 8:30. Did you expect him to hold off on even starting to cook the meal until you came back?

Why are people typing how awful the husband is? He gave her flowers, a gift, made dinner and OP didn’t show up, instead choosing to get a cake no one wanted including herself.

And he just had surgery a few days ago...

You’re forgetting his surgery was more of a hardship for the OP as she had to get him from the hospital and get him supplies!

It sounds like it is turning into a OP bashing thread. Congratulations, all! You won!
You are all amazing and organised, with excellent communication skills.
Your partners are so lucky to have you, it’s so convenient to have someone to take all the blame. No birthday celebration - hey no problem, it is my fault I didn’t communicate to DP to make a little effort! God forbid for anyone to make a bit of sacrifice and wait a bit (20min max?) to make your day a bit special, isn’t it?

You won, I now hate myself! You proved I am an unreasonable, passive-aggressive disorganised self-saboteur! You won! Give yourselves a par on your shoulders!
And happy birthday to myself, thanks god in 3 minutes it will not be a birthday any more.

Normally I have pretty short shrift with the footy taking priority, but I have a lot of sympathy for OP's husband in this situation. If she hadn't faffed around in the shops for hours it would have been perfectly possible to do dinner plus football. I'd be pretty annoyed at having to give up something I wanted to do because my husband disappeared for hours without properly communicating.

I live rurally, so that's why I would plan to buy a cake well in advance.
There could be no "popping out" for a cake at 5.40pm round my way!

Yep, the disappearing for 2 hours wasn't passive-agressive at all...

Yeah, you're just trolling now.

You’ve spent an awful lot of time on here tonight. Have you managed to celebrate with your children or have you been resentful and grumpy over missing the meal? How was the cake?

Birthdays are often what we make of them. Yes you could have been more organised and done an online shop given the many restrictions and obstacles but you could also have decided not to bother with cake at all. You could have hugged your kids, opened your cards, accepted pasta given that no one had shopped and your DH is recovering and had a fun relaxed evening surrounded by your loved ones counting your blessings.

I love cake but you’ve had two birthdays with cake in the last two weeks, your kids have had their special days.

You’ve all had a lot on, get some sleep, don’t mention the meal again, just let it go and try to have a nice weekend.

Look OP, the important thing is what cake did you end up getting after the 2 hours search?
I’m so intrigued.

I’m sorry you have received miserably arsey comments from some posters. It seems no matter what the original post is, some posters just enjoy being an arse. I don’t thing you were making a huge deal out of it. Just expressing disappointment and having a vent.

I think it would have been better for them to have waited for you, but if your DH is recovering from surgery, maybe he was just out of sorts and didn’t think. I’m glad you got presents and a card and hope you had a nice birthday otherwise 💐

Thanks for confirming what I suspected all along. Commiserations to your husband.

I’m abit late but happy birthday!

I’m not sure why you are getting a bashing, if people don’t agree with your side they could word it in a nicer way then most have on here.

I think most people would be miffed to have not received a “where are you? Dinner is nearly ready, how long will you be” text.

Happy birthday OP. 💐 your husband behaved like a twat

Thought husband was unreasonable until you said popped out for 2 hours. Would’ve taken 20 mins to make done cupcakes, especially if everyone was sick of cake. That way you’d have been able to relax at home and celebrate your birthday.

Those saying OP is passive aggressive are wrong - there isn’t much “passive” going on!

It’s ridiculous to clean the house and go for a 2 hour cake hunt on your birthday, why on earth would you do that? What’s that smell? Is it the whiff of burning martyr?!

Your DH probably made the meal anticipating you’d be home much earlier and didn’t want it to spoil so ate it. After he’d had surgery as well! Sorry OP but I think you’re being a bit U here.

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