To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

No, not rural. But I did have to take a train to go to the shops, which was 10 minutes late on the way back. We don’t have shops locally except corner stores.

This just gets madder and madder!

Just chalk it up to experience and next time, talk to your DH. And don't go on a lengthy errand for a cake that isn't really essential.

Why would you even ‘nip out’ at 5:40PM when there are no shops local to you and you would have too get the train when you didn’t even want the cake??

Why didn’t you get this cake on the way home from the school run? It would have saved time plus got the kid’s involved. And why couldn’t the cleaning have waited another day?

1.5-2 hrs is not popping out. It’s walking out, unless you made clear when you’d be back.

Did you really expect husband to keep kids waiting for dinner indefinitely with no word on when you’d be back?

Sounds like you were angry that the birthday hadn’t been better and you sabotaged the evening by not making a plan with the family.

This just gets more and more bizarre. You need to organise your life better OP.

As soon as I read "popped out" I knew it was going to involve a longer period of time before I even got to the bottom of your post. Most people who use "popped out" were actually gone ages, which you were.
Yes, DH could have phoned you, but equally you could have phoned him to say that it was taking longer than expected and you'd be home around such and such a time.
Having been on the end of someone constantly just "popping out" and disappearing for a couple of hours or coming home late from work (drinking with mates) it's really annoying when you are hungry, you're cooking etc and don't know when the person is going to show up.
I can understand why he just dished up the food tbh- birthday or no birthday.

You took a train to go and get cake no one actually needed or wanted?

This is the most bats hit thread I've seen in a while.

This can’t be real?

you said you were just getting a cake & cheese but took 2 hours over a normal ish time of evening for a young family to eat dinner, why didn’t you phone him to say you were delayed? And had to go to find more shops to cater for your DC dietary requirements (which was a massive drip feed btw)! YABU

Ah well happy birthday anyway

As an adult and parent birthdays are just another day so Imo yabu

You fucked off out on a Friday night on your birthday for two hours leaving hungry kids and husband.

In other news, you need to speak to him about you feel. It's sounds like you expect mind reading. No healthy relationship survives without good communication. A simple text from other party would have done.

I'm on the fence.

Cake is more important than dinner so I'd be happy with skipping dinner, children fed, then everyone singing me happy birthday and us all eating cake together.

On the other hand it does seem kind of mean.

I think I'd buy my birthday cake the day before next time. And not skating you for buying your own cake because at least you get what you want!!

Also I would book a restaurant next year!

You had to go out and buy your own birthday cake??!!!!!

I'm sure they would have rather have actually spent the time with you on your birthday

I agree, it seems like such a bizarre thing to do, to take yourself off for a prolonged shopping trip at such an inconvenient time, on your birthday, while your family are all there waiting, for their meal, for your company, for the birthday celebration to commence.

*either party

As a side note if my husband told me he was popping out for cake at 5:40PM, and strolled in 2 hours later after leaving me to do the evening with the kids alone with no heads up I would be fuming. Popping out to the shop to me is 20 mins, 30 at a push.

Your poor kids OP being stuck in the middle of this self sacrificing passive aggressive nightmare!

My advice to you is to pack it in with the martyr complex. Do what you want and tell DH what you want. Stop doing everything for everyone else. Get some balance in your day to day

I think it’s a pity party OP was after.

Oh please not another self-sabotage/OP’s passive-aggressive comment. I was not angry, I did not have expectations of a better birthday. Please don’t make up things and try read between lines. There is nothing there to read apart from what I clearly said in my post.
All I wanted for the day was to have dinner with my family. DH knew the trip was not going to be 20 minute affair. I did not come home at midnight, I came more or less the time I usually come.

Why?

He’s just had surgery. He organised flowers, a card and a gift and he made a meal she didn’t show up for. He should be resting not dealing with this bollocks and two kids who must have wondered where mum was when she was wandering around for hours finding a cake she apparently didn’t even want instead of spending the evening with them.

You took a train to go buy cheese and cake?!

I'd be extremely pissed off if my husband told me he was nipping out for cake and cheese at 5:30pm and then disappeared for 2 hours, leaving me to wrangle the kids and cook dinner when I've just had surgery. Not to mention going AWOL on his birthday and choosing to go grocery shopping rather than spend it with me and the kids.

This is so weird. Is this a reverse?

All I wanted for the day was to have dinner with my family.

If this was true you wouldn't have gone out for 2 hours looking for a cake no one actually wanted. You would have stayed home and spent the evening together and enjoyed the meal.

I'm starting to think it's a reverse.