To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

Popping to the shop for cake does not equate to a 2 hour browse around the shops.

If DH and I. discussed dinner and he said he was popping out for a cake or whatever then I would expect him home 30-60minutes at the most, so would plan for dinner to be ready at the hour mark and pasta doesn't really take to being kept warm.

If I had popped to the cake shop and they didn't have the cake, I would have phoned DH to let him know and then gone to other shop or whatever and I 'd let him know when I was on the way home so he could then have started dinner.

Sound like you expect him to communicate with you, but you didn't think to communicate with him, but I do think you have been more unreasonable than him.

If I had made my kids wait until 7.30 to eat dinner they would have gnawed their own arms off!
YWBVVVU
Unless you live miles away from them school, you were home for maybe 4.30, decide over an hour later to ‘pop’ out for food for tea and a cake, DH says he will make pasta so would have assumed you'd be back shortly. He puts tea on, you're nowhere to be seen so they eat without you. For all he knew you could have been in the pub!
Did you manage to get this elusive cake then?

If their birthdays were 5 days apart, is one of them tomorrow? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, saturday?

I'd be disappointed you were left to sort out the cake on your own birthday, especially since your children's allergies, etc means it can take time to find an appropriate cake.

Just because he wanted to watch the football.

I think it's unkind. 7.30 - 8.00pm isn't very late for kids who are 7 and 12. Given the kids said they should wait for you, it's clear he prioritised the football over your birthday

This.

How hard is it to send a text?

Yeah, football had nothing to do with it. He was just being a wise parent to order them to eat when they wanted to wait for their mum. 🙄

My aunt once popped round unexpectedly on my mum's birthday, when me and my sister (both mid teens) had cooked my mum a surprise dinner. My mum nipped out to the shop to buy a bottle of wine to go with the dinner (but properly nipped out, as in gone less than 15 minutes, not 2 hours), and while she was out my aunt bullied us into starting the meal without my mum because she (my aunt) was hungry. I still think it was a b*%$# move.

Perhaps OP was working till 5.30?

And he could have texted or called to see where she was if he gave a shit.

Happy Birthday! 🎂

DS1 had birthday Friday 2 weeks ago, DS2 had his 5 days after, on Wednesday.

Yeah, curb your efforts for their birthdays which are in 1years time, how dare they eat dinner 😄

A two hour excursion for the THIRD CAKE OF THE MONTH 🥴

Odd all round really.

I would ask him why he thinks that the football is more important than celebrating your birthday in the way you normally would.

He will deny it was about the footie but we all know that it was.

It sounds like they lost the will to live waiting for you to return with said cake.

I think YABU

What I can’t understand about some of the posters here is that why does everyone assumes that everyone’s eating and sleeping habits are the same as theirs? Just because your DC have dinner at 5 and go to bed at 7, it doesn’t mean everyone else’s do the same. My DC can have dinner anytime between 6 and 8, that’s because we have different working patterns. The routine is not cast in iron, some days we come home from work early and some days late. The DC usually have to adapt. It might not seem ok for some of the posters here, but it is a reality of life for us. The DC are fine with this, they come starving after school, but we don’t deny them snacks till dinner is ready.

Have you always had communication issues with each other?

Happy birthday!

It was the football, but it’s the World Cup so reasonable to expect that if your bloke is a football fan he’d want to watch it. So his window for cooking dinner was pre-7pm or post 9pm.

Would you have been happy to wait till after 9pm? Or been happy to cook whilst he watched the match and eaten in front of the TV?

It was just slightly unfortunate timing and I’d let it go if I were you. Have a celebration meal tomorrow instead.

So basically, he wanted to watch the football.

Why are you bothering to post then? I don’t contribute to posts I find odd. I’m

Maybe because the World Cup only happens every 4 years as opposed to OP’s yearly birthday. And if she hadn’t of playedthemartyr faffed about so much today both her birthday and the football could have been enjoyed.

Happy birthday op!
Does It normally take you so long to go to the shops? There is a shop 30 seconds from my front door so 2 hours is insane to me, I'm guessing you live somewhere rural?

I would be upset in your shoes too.

But I don't think I would head out without a firm idea of what we were doing later for my birthday dinner.

We discuss it before hand, this year DH and I went out for a nice lunch while the kids were at school and then in the evening he did steaks for everyone, I didn't want cake so we got some nice desserts for everyone on the way home from lunch.

I don't expect anyone to read my mind so we plan it.

If I was you I would just say tomorrow night is your birthday dinner now, and chose a favourite meal and have the cake then.

Indeed. The cake is not for me, it’s for my dc and for the sake of tradition. I don’t like cakes that much, could happily survive without them.

Indeed. The cake is not for me, it’s for my dc and for the sake of tradition. I don’t like cakes that much, could happily survive without them.

Did your children actually want more cake if they've had 2 in the past week already? I'm sure they would have rather have actually spent the time with you on your birthday.