To want my autistic DC to start reception in mainstream?

[Ambern7]

DC gets on well at mainstream nursery but is developmentally behind peers. I am not happy with the special needs provisions in our area so have opted for mainstream with good support in place through EHCP, which we fought hard for.
However, professionals involved keep asking me if we are sure we don’t want to go with the special provisions, they have listed lots of things they think are great about the school, however I don’t think the facilities will benefit my DC personally.
These unwanted opinions have got me second guessing something I was so sure of previously. I just don’t see the problem of starting off in mainstream and seeing how it goes, AIBU?

Given how oversubscribed these specialist schools are and that the professionals are gently pushing for it, I would take the place with a view that a transfer into mainstream would be easy if you later find they would cope with it. I also agree with PPs that a 1-2-1 doesn't mean anything. A DC in DD1's class has one, and whilst they offer him more support than anyone else, they are often moving around the classroom supporting a number of others at the same time too.
I have seen several friends have the battle of starting in mainstream and then having to homeschool for long periods before finally getting a space in a specialist unit. It has taken years each time to get to that point as they have had to also jump through the hoops of part time timetables etc too. Their DCs have all been academically advanced, but found it impossible to regulate themselves in the mainstream environment. They are now (finally!) flourishing in their new specialist provision.

My own experience is that 8yo DD (now yr 4) has recently been diagnosed with ASD. I have been querying traits since preschool, but had been mostly brushed off until the last 18 months or so when school finally started to see some too. In the last 9 months, it has become very obvious to anyone who has a knowledge of ASD, although she masks well to the untrained eye. Academically she is at or above average across the board, so no issues there, but she is becoming socially isolated and a little bullied (despite actually being quite social and keen to join in), and is starting to find the environment hard to manage. She is now back to having almost daily toddler-level tantrums once home. We have been warned the social issues will only continue to grow, particularly as puberty really kicks in, which I can well believe as she's already so far behind her peers in this area. She notices the difference and being pushed out too, which is really upsetting.
My point is, even for a DC who is good at masking, keen to 'fit in' and is keeing up with the curriculum expectations, mainstream is hard and the difficulties/differences will only increase as they grow.

Also for background on working in my role - there is a recruitment crisis at the moment. Three one to one TA’s/LSA’s have left so far this academic year at the school I am in, and I am not returning after Christmas because the pay is really poor and it is very demanding work. I receive upwards of 10 emails/calls/texts per day from recruitment companies trying to fill similar roles, despite not actively looking for work at the moment - schools simply cannot find and keep good support staff, it’s a huge problem which sadly affects the provision offered to children with SEN. This is really disruptive for the children and sadly seems unlikely to change in the near future.

My initial thought are thst it is easier to tranition out of a special school into a mainstream than the other way round as once you start in mainstream its amazing how bad they will let things get before saying they cant meet need but then all the special schools are full so there is a delay whilst that gets sorted. there are more mainstream places than special so change at a key stage is easier.

Early support is key. There is a big difference being in a school that has its own SaLT and OT compared to a visitor, who often gives a a TA a quick lesson and then actually visits the TA for updates rather than your child!

The step up from reception to year 1 is huge.

But you know your child and schools in a way that we dont. So the special school available might not be the right one

I'm a parent of an ND child who manages in mainstream with some adjustments, no EHCP. I'd go with the specialist school.

In an ideal world I understand the desire to try mainstream, but I just would not trust that you'd be able to either switch later on if needed or maintain the level of support that's being offered in mainstream now. Because even if the school are on board the recruitment crisis is a factor. Your child's TA is going end up spending time with DC like mine who need support but are never going to get an EHCP or their own TA too, might as well be honest about it.

Thanks again for all the responses. This has really opened my eyes to the challenges that could come later down the line.
Just to reiterate, no special place has been offered but what’s been playing on my mind is whether to start that battle now rather than down the line. I think I’m probably correct in thinking that DC could cope well up to about year 2 and then it’s a bit of an unknown depending on development. So it sounds like it would then be impossible to switch to a SEN school and potentially the school I had in mind beginning at age 7 wouldn’t be able to take DC if they’ve been doing great at mainstream for two years.

I sat the other day in a school watching principle walk around an asd child for 2 hours. They won't go into class as very sensory or sit in office, they bolt constantly. Parents have realised that they need special provision and now trying to desperately get a place. Sad for everyone

There's also all the kids who havnt been identified yet as didn't go to nursery so they hit reception. It's goes horribly wrong. Then its trying to get a special provision place.

I would always grab special school place then you can transfer to mainstream if needed.
Special school isn't suggested unless the feel the child has needs that camt be met in mainstream

Different perspective than most. I am a mum of a special needs child and don’t live in the uk however,like you professionals wouldn’t let me or my husband have an opinion on schooling. We also wanted to opt for mainstream. That wasn’t allowed to happen and my son was put into a special school. He did three years up until this pandemic where we had to homeschool him when everything was closed. It was a dream. We started the mainstream curriculum with him and he hasn’t looked back. My advice trust your gut. You no your child best. Go mainstream and good luck ❤️

Iv also seen children struggle through first 2 or 3 years of school, while parents come to the conclusion mainstream isn't working. Then trying to secure a more suited placement. It's really heartbreaking

The advice I got from pretty much everyone - including a private Ed Psych - was that to stand any chance of getting out of mainstream and into a specialist provision was that I had to "let him fail".

The LA has to see that the system is failing the child significantly before they'll consider a special provision.

It was the worst thing I ever did, and it left deep emotional scars on my beautiful, sensitive boy. I was fighting for the move, and all the while he was in mainstream and quietly falling apart. I should have pulled him out while I fought his case. I regret it to this day.

My DS was diagnosed at age 4, his twin sister wasn't diagnosed until she was 10. I didn't make the same mistake the second time around.

The system isn't set up to match the child with the most suitable provision. It's about crisis management and getting away with providing the least possible to save £££. It sounds cynical but it's true for all the reasons I and other PP have sadly experienced.

All the best with your decision OP. I'm sorry it's such a harsh choice you're being forced into making. If the system were better, your original plan of mainstream then switching to SEN provision would have been ideal.

Sorry I feel very passionate as on both side. I have sen kids in mainstream and I'm in schools quite a bit.
Ask to go and look around potential schools. As I said you can transfer out into mainstream or there high schools with units or nurture classes so they arnt stuck in special schools if that's a concern.

We felt the same - he went into mainstream - it was a nightmare - he has never set foot in a school again; he is now 14 and only just opening up to the idea of collage.

I'd listen to what this poster says.

She's just perfectly described my dd at primary school. She began to develop anxiety around age 7/8 when she started to notice she was different and the other children didn't interact with her. School refusal soon followed. It took a huge fight to get her a place in specialist provision. That didn't come along till she was 12 and had a severe mental health crisis.

During her time in mainstream even with en ehcp she was falling further and further behind mainly because she has selective mutism and couldn't talk in school. In alt provision this was worked on this first, lots of therapies are available to her. She was completely out of education for 18 months. She's now 14 and fully caught up. She's so happy. She has friends.

Just my take on it op but like others have said only you know your child x

My daughter attends a special school, several children have left to go to mainstream, but there is a huge waiting list for a place at the school , I would take a special school place .

even playing with the other kids on occasion.

The fact that your child only plays with other kids "on occasion" and that you preface that with "even", which implies that when it happens it's a big thing, is, I'm afraid, an indication that mainstream is unlikely to be the right place for him.

I do recognise that it's a huge thing to have to consider and accept though.

@Ambern7 in my experience as a reception teacher, councils are so desperate to keep everyone possible in mainstream (because it’s considerably cheaper) that if they’re recommending specialist I’d go with it. There’s also the fact that there will be a full intake of spaces in reception vs waiting for a space later down the line. For children in our mainstream setting to go into year 1, parents have been told to expect 18 month wait when their child is clearly not coping.

So much wise advise here. I have a child with ASD (atypical, low needs and only diagnosed at 9/10) who was coping, even thriving in a mainstream. However, I moved him to a specialist provision as I wanted to make sure he had the best learning experience he could have and with peers who were like him. It has been a huge success, his confidence and self esteem, his friendships, academic achievement are all improved (and they weren't bad to begin with).

I watched other children with much much greater needs in my DC's class in primary over the years gradually become socially isolated, barely learning, developing anxiety, school refusing etc. In a couple of cases the parents just didn't want to see the level of need their child required, despite the school trying their best (I was a governor and could see how much work was going into trying to help with the few resources the school had).

Your problem is, yes your child might cope with reception, but their coping skills might well crash spectacularly at some point (often years 5/6/7) and then you have a child under huge strain, with associated mental health issues, lots of damage done and a two or more years process to get into the right setting (if that is even possible...).

We know of a number of families in exactly this situation. One now has a child who hasn't been able to access education for two years and can barely leave the house, which means he can't even access the specialist provision that he finally has access to...

This has pretty much been my experience from working in an infant school too.

Children enter reception and can often chug along because it's largely play based learning but year 1 is a whole different ball game and many ASD children just aren't able to access the curriculum adequately. The parents/carers then have an uphill struggle trying to get the child into specialist provision.

You also need to seriously consider that staff in specialist provision are trained for the job and will have countless resources that mainstream probably won't have.

I haven't come across any parent who has regretted having their child in a specialist setting.

If special provision is being strongly advised by professionals for your child, please PLEASE take advantage of it.

I work on the opposite side of the situation, with EYFS and KS1 children who are in mainstream settings awaiting a specialist place some of them may never see, or won't for many years. The current setting is so very wrong for them. It is heartbreaking and so very frustrating. They spend their days all day long with a TA who is often not adequately trained to meet the child's specific separate from the rest of the class, just essentially "getting by"... The only time I've seen a SN child successfully manage to remain in mainstream was when the parents essentially self-funded specialized 1:1 support.

I wish you and your child the best ❤️

My son went to mainstream primary, he did really well despite them saying he had this, that and the other wrong with him.
He turned it around and stayed in mainstream till year seven and surprised all his professionals by catching up to year 5 level work in that time.

He now attends specialist for year 7 onwards, but due to social and emotional reasons. I would go for it personally, if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out but there's no harm.

Hi op, my ds was dx at 2 yo. We held him back an extra year at nursery so he entered reception a year later. He had full 1:1 from being 3 yo Inc breaks and dinner and 2:1 off site, ot and slt specified so la paid for inde to come into his mainstream school. He went all the way to yr 6 and finished with his peers. He was academically behind but the curriculum was diffentiated for him. He has started at a special asd school this year.

Would I do the same again, yes without question as for us it worked. He knows his neighbours and they know him, he's part of the community, he has developed skills that professionals said he wouldn't (speech, toileting, reading, arithmetic, tying shoe laces etc).

His special school is amazing but we fought for it. The la wanted to send him to our local sen school. He still has full time 1:1 in his inde sen school, small classes, ot, slt etc.

If you want to give mainstream a shot do it.

What I would say is make sure the info in the ehcp is spot on and section f is specified as to exactly what he needs and how it will be provided. Make sure the assessments that this was based on were thorough and every need is detailed with provision to match. This is the key. It doesn't matter so much which school if this is in place. If the mainstream cannot do this then you can legally tell the la you still want mainstream but it may not be the exact school you want.

I would go for it personally, if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out but there's no harm.

It's great that your child was able to thrive in a mainstream environment, but this comment just isn't true.

The decision to send a child to a mainstream school, when they're not able to cope in that enivronment could have significant harmful consequences. You only have to read threads on here to see just how damaging it could be.

Just to reiterate, no special place has been offered but what’s been playing on my mind is whether to start that battle now rather than down the line. I think I’m probably correct in thinking that DC could cope well up to about year 2 and then it’s a bit of an unknown depending on development.

I’d definitely start the battle now rather than waiting as it can be a long/difficult process.

In terms of DC being able to ‘cope’ you potentially run the risk of no SN place being offered as they appear to do well.
The other risk of them ‘coping’ is that a lot of masking goes on (particularly as they get older and more socially aware). This can have a huge detrimental affect on their mental health.
It can also knock their confidence in terms of being told to sit still for example in school when they simply can’t. Or feeling ‘different’ or ‘behind’. All this can undo any hard work you put in at home and in some cases the damage can never really be undone.
This obviously doesn’t happen to all ND children in mainstream but does a lot sadly.

Ideally you want them in an environment where they thrive not cope.

Have you been in the mainstream school in reception, year 1 and 2 and watched them teach/how the children are/what is expected of them etc?

Same with SN schools? Spend some time watching how they interact with the children rather than just being shown round.

Have you had a full assessment for DC rather than just ASD? Sounds like potentially other things going on (possibly learning difficulty or developmental language disorder). Sounds like you could do with a full detailed assessment to find out exactly what their difficulties are to enable to you to choose a school accordingly.

Personally, I would always go for the SN school over mainstream. I feel they generally have a far nicer and suited environment. They also teach things relevant to the individual child. Life skills they build there are often non-comparable to mainstream.

A 1-2-1 in mainstream is basically helping the child to ‘fit in’ with the mainstream learning (and also means teacher and other pupils are disrupted). The mainstream learning could be completely irrelevant to your DC.
A 1-2-1 will also help your DC to stand nicely in the line, sit still on the carpet, not jump up and down etc. All things that they may find incredibly stressful and counterproductive to learning. They can also end up very unregulated from a sensory processing point of view. Again, largely beneficial to teacher and other pupils rather than your DC.

I agree that you know your child best and don't allow yourself to be pressured (I was under the exact same pressure - completely unfair and inappropriate imo).

THAT SAID, as a previous teacher, a parent of autistic DC, working as an autism professional, these days I would almost never recommend mainstream over special school for almost any autistic child unless the SEN school options are dire or completely not appropriate for the DC. I've seen mainstream go wrong for autistic children so often 😔