Is it cheeky to ask if you’re a homeowner?

[Shutthegatepeter]

I moved back to the village I grew up in just over 5 years ago. I lived here until I went to uni, moved away for 17 years, and now I’m back. This time I’m no longer living with my parents, I’m here with my husband and our 3 kids. We have a nice 4 bed home, it’s nothing really fancy or huge but we’re very lucky as it’s a lovely modest home in a nice area. I was out doing some gardening yesterday and bumped into someone who I went to high school with, sort of grew up with but we weren’t close or anything, but I’ve known him since we were in primary school together and we occasionally hung around with each other as teenagers. We started chatting, the usual long time no see, how are you etc. I told him I’m married now with 3 kids, he told me he has 2 kids and is in the middle of a separation, he was moving back in with his parents. I said I’m sorry to hear that and he then went on a 5min torrent of ranting about his ex! Which was awkward! He then said ‘’ this is a nice house, do you own it?’’

is it just me who thinks this is a weird question to ask someone? It’s like he was trying to suss out my financial situation. Maybe I’m just overthinking it but it seems like a really strange question to ask someone you don’t even know that well?

AIBU to think this is cheeky f*kery? 🤑

Yeah, it's a weird question. Nosy and irrelevant, why does he need to know if you're renting or not? Coming off the back of a rant about his ex I'd feel even more uncomfortable!

I think you’re over thinking it, honestly. Everyone is so sensitive now. I doubt he was trying to suss out your financials. Why would he give a shit. He was just curious if it was owned

Overthinking a little. I would imagine depending on your answer he was going on to ask you about the market if he is going to have to look for a new house.

It's perfectly normal to be curious about that sort of thing. Everyone is trying to suss out everyone else's financial situation to some extent. We like to compare ourselves to our peers.

It’s downright and utterly rude to enquire about how much people earn or whether they own their home.

It is cheeky and not a sort of thing you would ask a casual acquaintance. As an aside your OP reads a bit like you are asking posters if they are home owners.

The title not the post

I wouldn't have the cheek to ask, but that doesn't mean I don't respect, on some level, when someone's brash enough to ask. I don't think it's taboo and I don't think it's anywhere near as cheeky as asking how much someone earns.

Depends on context but I think the housing/rental market is a fairly standard topic of conversation.

Maybe a slightly odd way to phrase it. But you probably would have been equally offended if he’d said “are you renting?”

For me it’s more enquiring if you’re going to be living there temporarily or longer term than assessing your finances.

he told me he has 2 kids and is in the middle of a separation, he was moving back in with his parents.... He then said ‘’ this is a nice house, do you own it?’

How did the conversation go after that? As presumably you replied, he said something else and so on. I think it's an unusual question but it depends on what happened next.

I disagree, asking someone if they own a house is akin to asking what their salary is.

I got friendly with a driving instructor when I was younger and was taken aback by her asking whether I owned my home, i spluttered yes I do and then she went on to ask what type of mortgage I had!

I think it is sort of ok in this case because you know each other a long time, and he has just told you that he is having to move back with his parents, and is presumably thinking about his own long term housing situation. On the other hand it could just be a precursor to another rant about how he is losing his family home, so I would try and move the conversation along.
L

I think it is a bit cheeky but some people don't know what's cheeky and what's not.

A friend of mine was visibly annoyed when she visited my house that we own because it's bigger than hers. She couldn't understand how we could own a bigger house than her when she and her husband are "professionals" and my husband and I do more working class jobs.

I was pretty gobsmacked at the attitude to be honest.

I disagree, asking someone if they own a house is akin to asking what their salary is.

God it really isn't! Anyone assessing my salary from the value of my home would be massively disappointed by the meagre reality.

Yes, I think it's weird to ask someone this, unless the context calls for it somehow.

My point is though that it’s none of their business and they don’t have a right to ask so they can assess anything.

It's an inappropriate question to ask considering how stuff upper lipped society has become. However, I don't think he's trying to suss you out. If he's open enough to tell you he's moving back to his parents and to rant about his ex. I'd imagine he's just an open book.
I think we should encourage more authentic meaningful conversations - people are yearning to feel more connected.

Yes, it’s a strange question to ask someone, especially a casual acquaintance.

I’ve been asked it a few times over the years, once by an Uber driver, who then asked how much my mortgage was!

It’s just not something I would ever think to ask anyone.

Hmmmm. I don't know. They way you describe it, it does sound a bit odd. On the other hand, I know I have sometimes asked people who I have only just met in our village if they are renting at the moment, but that will be because something they have said has given me the impression they are still undecided about staying or are still looking for a different house and I just want to clarify. I wouldn't just ask it out of the blue!

"No, we're squatters!" and a knowing wink would see him on his merry way.

I've been asked this many times over the years. To me it's just part of the convo. In the past when I've said I'm renting the conversation goes down a certain way eg 'are you hoping to stay in the area, do you like it here' etc
I cant be arsed to find it rude or get worked up by it.🤷‍♀️

I think youre over thinking it and feeling weird about it because of the rant about his ex. I think the question is about working out if you’ve settled there so not necessarily about finances. I think it's a normal question. Maybe he just asked a question to change the subject from his ex as he realised he got ranty.

It wouldn’t bother me if someone asked me, but then I wouldn’t ask someone else as I wouldn’t be interested. There’s not really any reason someone would want to know other than just being nosy.

Somewhat ironic that you feel the need to tell the world that you own a 4 bedroom house, but feel that it's 'cheeky fuckery' to ask.

No I wouldn't find it odd at all but I'm in Ireland and a bit of a housing crisis going on so a lot of this is a general talking point. For example any of the families in DCs classes who rent are paying at least double what my mortgage is. I know two families who are currently saving for a house deposit so these things are general talking points. I wouldn't think the size of your house reflects your current income . A lot depends on when you bought or if you'd sold a house previously etc etc