Is it cheeky to ask if you’re a homeowner?

[Shutthegatepeter]

I moved back to the village I grew up in just over 5 years ago. I lived here until I went to uni, moved away for 17 years, and now I’m back. This time I’m no longer living with my parents, I’m here with my husband and our 3 kids. We have a nice 4 bed home, it’s nothing really fancy or huge but we’re very lucky as it’s a lovely modest home in a nice area. I was out doing some gardening yesterday and bumped into someone who I went to high school with, sort of grew up with but we weren’t close or anything, but I’ve known him since we were in primary school together and we occasionally hung around with each other as teenagers. We started chatting, the usual long time no see, how are you etc. I told him I’m married now with 3 kids, he told me he has 2 kids and is in the middle of a separation, he was moving back in with his parents. I said I’m sorry to hear that and he then went on a 5min torrent of ranting about his ex! Which was awkward! He then said ‘’ this is a nice house, do you own it?’’

is it just me who thinks this is a weird question to ask someone? It’s like he was trying to suss out my financial situation. Maybe I’m just overthinking it but it seems like a really strange question to ask someone you don’t even know that well?

AIBU to think this is cheeky f*kery? 🤑

People at work who I barely know have asked about my housing situation and I haven't been offended. They were just curious and didn't mind telling them - what harm has that done me?.

People talk about housing, it's a common topic of conversation.

Is there a North-South divide here? Are Northerners more open with this stuff?

I remember someone asking me the same. It turned out she was looking to rent, and wanted to know what she could get in the area. Could it be that he's planning ahead and trying to scope out rent prices?

Yes, a very strange question to ask someone out of the blue. Different to “do you live here”

Notanotherone6, why is it cheeky to have 4 bedrooms, and where did I say I own this home? 😉

To clarity, I didn’t answer his question. I replied yeah I live here, been here 5 years, and we love it here. Didn’t really say yes I own or no I’m renting. There was 2 more minutes of small talk and then he went on his way. He didn’t mention looking to buy or rent, only mentioned about him moving back in with his parents. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it, I just am taken aback sometimes by people who ask brash questions, I wouldn’t dream of saying ‘wow what a lovely home, do you own it?!’

Would I be right in guessing that you rent?
I don't think it's a cheeky question considering how open he was to you about his ex. It's on public record if he wanted to know who owns the house and how much was paid for it anyway. Housing must be on his mind considering his situation so not a question totally out of the blue. I think you were too sensitive. Even if he asked how much you paid for it, again it's public information.

You’ll never get a definitive answer for this. People just have different personalities and some people ask more curious questions. It’s hardly a rude thing to ask, you were “catching up”

I think you're overthinking this. I think he went on his rant, realised he was ranting and tried to rein it in with a poorly thought out question.

I wouldn't have even given this a second thought.

It would be weird where I come from, but it’s very common where I am now (SE commuter belt). I found it hard at first; everyone asks where you live and if you rent etc. In London it’s a normal topic of conversation with people you’ve just met.

Agreed. Rent payments can be double what someone's mortgage payments would be. Renting a 4 bed house is far more expensive than owning it and paying the mortgage. You also don't know if that's their only property. They could be renting a house short term for a work secondment but own 5 other houses. Someone could own their house but it was already paid off and inherited from a relative.

I don't think knowing whether someone rents or owns gives you an accurate idea of their salary.

I didn’t think it’s that odd. People ask me what rate mortgage I’m on all the time! - it’s a very current topic of conversation.

I recently spent some time with someone who I didn’t know very well and to pass the time we literally discussed their recent house sales, what rates they are being offered, what I got at my last re-mortgage, what rental prices are now, the fact that they are renting until they find the right place etc. I barely know this person. It was the only topic really we could find where we all have a vested interest and something to say.

I think he asked spontaneously and you are looking into this far too much. I wouldn't think too much of it.

People here saying it's like asking your salary are being totally ott.

I don't think knowing whether someone rents or owns gives you an accurate idea of their salary

agreed and many people get mortgages through inheritances or family help.

It isn't something I would ask, but I wouldn't be offended if people asked me because it says nothing about someone's financial situation, expecially as renting can be more expenaive than paying a mortgage. I have a couple of friends who move around for work. They are tenants in the homes they live in, but own small houses in home towns. Tenant farmers do similar. I wonder if he meant is as is this your permanent home?

Somewhat ironic that you feel the need to tell the world that you own a 4 bedroom house, but feel that it's 'cheeky fuckery' to ask

she's doing it on an anonymous forum though so it's totally different. The point of mn is we can voice our thoughts and secrets knowing that it's anonymous.

Normal question where I live so I wouldn’t be offended.

Normal question where I live so I wouldn’t be offended

yes but I find these days so many people get offended by a lot so I generally try to minimize conversation for this very reason. Just looking at some of the posts here confirm this, you'd swear he was out to fleece her by some of the responses.

I don't think it's an unusual question in the correct context (this probably wasn't an appropriate context, given the rant). I think it's much nicer to inquire in polite conversation than to assume. Dh and I look quite young for our age and we have quite a nice house, which I think most people would assume we couldn't afford to own. The number of times we've had people wander on past who have stopped for a chat (we live on a footpath), who stop to ask us about the house or the farm or the area, etc. and then we get a 'oh, so you rent from the landowners then?' We are the landowners. Dh has just started saying, 'oh yes, they're very lovely folks, you might see them around when you walk back through this afternoon.' 😂

I think it can be quite a normal question depending on the context. I was outside pottering around when the new neighbour came and said hello. He asked how long we had been there and if we rented or had bought. I was wasn’t offended!

agree with this statement “God it really isn't! Anyone assessing my salary from the value of my home would be massively disappointed by the meagre reality”. We are mortgage free, and if people found out they would probably think we are quite well off, the reality is we bought a small house, when the prices were low, and never moved up to the next “rung of the ladder”. No need, as we don’t have kids. We are actually both on very average salaries, and just got lucky with our circumstances. And no, I do not going round telling people that I have no mortgage, before anyone says I am bragging 😬

I don’t think it’s that rude, seeing as you’d known him for a very long time. It would be rude from a more random person though, like a judgement.

Not really.

I'd be FAR more disconcerted about the ex-rant, & probably would have told him to STFU.

Not sure why house ownership needs to be a private matter. I mean - obvs it can be if you want it to be - but it seems an odd thing to take away from a conversation with an angry acquaintance. Lots of people talk like this in chat-mode - do you own or rent, how long have you lived here, etc.

As an aside your OP reads a bit like you are asking posters if they are home owners.
Yes, I too wondered "why is a random asking other randoms if they own their home?"
Guilty as charged, OP!

Going off at a tangent here but you sound like you're apologising for owning your home. I get very frustrated with people saying they have things because they're "lucky". Unless you won it in a raffle or from lottery winnings you probably were able to buy because you've worked hard for a good salary and/or been sensible with money or unlucky enough to have lost family and gained an inheritance.

On the other hand I do believe you can be unlucky and just because you don't own your home does not mean you are feckless and unworthy. I think my point is that you shouldn't have to be embarrassed to be a home owner or a tenant.

You rent op? Is that it? You didn’t want to admit it to him?

Not a question I've ever been worried about answering. Seems a strange thing to be offended by.

It is a little forward, but I don’t think it is rude as such. It is mild interest.