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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’d want to do the same - mother kills children’s abuser

616 replies

HermioneKipper · 24/11/2022 08:18

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/sarah-sands-kill-sex-abuse-paedophile-b2231508.html

i think any parent would do the same if given the chance

OP posts:
Namechangedforthisonetoday · 24/11/2022 14:11

‘Dispatch a team’ 🙈😂

LaGioconda · 24/11/2022 14:11

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 24/11/2022 13:30

lagioconda your naivety at the justice system and elderly sex offenders is shining through.

I'm quite sure I know an awful lot more about the justice system than you do.

Onnabugeisha · 24/11/2022 14:11

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 24/11/2022 14:06

Why, as an apparent survivor of CSA, is money more important to you Onnabugeisha?

Again you miss my point, it’s not about money. It’s about a child sex offender living off the State for free doing no work the rest of their natural lives. I think that’s too good for them and I don’t want to contribute to their life of leisure. They should have to work to feed, house and clothe themselves. Preferably in shit jobs.

Kanaloa · 24/11/2022 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That’s my favourite one I’ve seen. ‘Darling the kids are playing out, can you give the Find My Paedo app a quick check? Thanks love.’

LaGioconda · 24/11/2022 14:13

Kanaloa · 24/11/2022 13:31

What makes you think he’d have been given a 20 year sentence? What evidence points you to that? Why do you think it’s an ‘unlikely event’ he’d have ever been released given that he was released all the other times?

Just go and look at the sentencing guidelines, they really aren't hard to understand.

Some people on this thread seem to be desperate to deny simple reality in order to justify murder.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 24/11/2022 14:13

So how should we protect children from repeat offenders like this?

Not the biggest fan of the death penalty myself, and due to miscarriages of justice I wouldn’t want to see it re-introduced.

Therefore locking them up and keeping them away from potential victims is the only option…..

Because all the monitoring, rehabilitation and checks and balances do not work - often put down to lack of resources. Or a systemic culture of not taking these crimes seriously enough.

The rich and those in positions of power can hide their crimes - whose to say if some in the judiciary are sympathetic to offenders due to common perversion?

The way child protection is handled across the board makes a mockery of the much touted “best interests of the child” mantra.

Stating it’s not fair that they spend life in prison supported by the state because other innocent and vulnerable people suffer deprivation is a weak argument.

Perhaps re- evaluation of what allegedly constitutes a civilised society is required. It’s being called for, but it would cause too many comfortably off people too much inconvenience. So it gets tied up in moral and ethical debate, obfuscation and bureaucracy.

In the meantime who is really protecting the victims of child abuse of this nature? And why do so many who try get blocked and have their hands tied?

We are supposed to go to every length to protect children but if the system reeks of cognitive dissonance then it will encourage desperate and fearful people into seeking their own justice.

We need to make the law work.

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/11/2022 14:15

Lockheart · 24/11/2022 08:36

My point is that two wrongs don't make a right, that murder is illegal, that he was already awaiting trial for his alleged crimes, and that people shouldn't take the law into their own hands. Thanks to her actions three little boys who desperately needed their mother to be around were left without her and the alleged perpetrator never faced justice on a court of law.

I don't see what she did wrong. She is a hero. Wasn't just her kids, he molested over 20 others and got out of prison only to molest more.

XanaduKira · 24/11/2022 14:15

Stressedmum2017 · 24/11/2022 08:47

If criminal justice system worked properly people wouldn't take matters in to their own hands like this. She did the correct, legal thing in the first place and went to the police and then he was bailed, unremorseful at that, to a house across the road from them. I can't imagine a decent mother would be able to stop herself from going round.

I completely agree with this. She and her sons were totally failed by the system that allowed him to change names and to live across the street whilst awaiting trial.

Her sons all said they felt relief that he wouldn't be able to hurt them again. Whilst I imagine there is a level of anger towards her and what she missed out on, they seem to love and support her. I wish her & her sons all the best. May the bastard rot in hell.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 24/11/2022 14:15

It’s not about money, but you don’t want them living for free and you don’t want to contribute. It’s not about money though.

LaGioconda · 24/11/2022 14:17

Kanaloa · 24/11/2022 13:38

Clearly, we do. This man is an example of how we allow men to rape and abuse with impunity. A man can do it over and over and over. Short sentences in prison then off to do it again. Changed name to make it easier. It is allowed.

How exactly is repeatedly being arrested, charged, convicted and imprisoned "impunity"? It's hardly giving the message to people that they will get away with it, is it?

Yes, sentences could justifiably be increased. Is vigilante justice the way to achieve that?

Onnabugeisha · 24/11/2022 14:17

Kanaloa · 24/11/2022 14:12

That’s my favourite one I’ve seen. ‘Darling the kids are playing out, can you give the Find My Paedo app a quick check? Thanks love.’

Well why not? We can find lost air pods and iPhones. Why isn’t there such a thing? We literally have the technology to make this happen and for super cheap. We have chips that can use body heat for power so there is no battery to run out, we have LE Bluetooth beacons small enough to fit on said chips. The beacons are being picked up and the geo data transmitted passively in the background by anyone nearby with a smart phone on. We have decades of designing chips that the body won’t reject from our experience using them on pets and some employers have been using them on humans for several years as well.

It’s already happening to find AirPods and such. Why not chip the paedos and track them too?

LaGioconda · 24/11/2022 14:19

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 24/11/2022 13:46

I’d probably recommend not engaging further with lagioconda at this point. They have continually attempted to minimise what happened to these children by appearing to disbelieve them. We are all fully aware that he hadn’t gone to trial, we are all also fully aware he was guilty.

And that is an outright lie.

Togoodtobeforgotten · 24/11/2022 14:23

Her children have had to grow without her in that time I can imagine that not have they had the trauma of what the vile man done but more trauma on too by another court case and their mother going to prison.

roarfeckingroarr · 24/11/2022 14:23

She did us all a favour - as mothers of potential victims and as taxpayers. The outrageous part is that she was given a longer term on appeal.

Onnabugeisha · 24/11/2022 14:24

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 24/11/2022 14:15

It’s not about money, but you don’t want them living for free and you don’t want to contribute. It’s not about money though.

Why are you fighting so hard for child sex offenders to live a life of leisure then?

Never having to do a hard days work. Never having to pay a bill. Never worrying about where their next meal is coming from. Never having to be on an NHS waitlist. Never having to worry about going without heat or light or a hot shower. Never having to stuff shoes with newspaper because you are issued new ones when the old ones wear out…for free. Never having to cook for yourself. Never having to do your own laundry again. Never worrying about ending up homeless on the streets and dying there.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 24/11/2022 14:26

The “chips” and “an app for that”suggestions are laughable.

And outsourcing such things to technology sounds like passing the buck.

Technology is not infallible - neither are humans, obviously, but if the technology malfunctions, and a child is harmed, do we just shrug and apologise for the software glitch?

To protect children these offenders need to be removed from society. Locked up. Give them work in a secure environment to “pay their way” perhaps.

Notmysolution · 24/11/2022 14:26

Stressedmum2017 · 24/11/2022 08:47

If criminal justice system worked properly people wouldn't take matters in to their own hands like this. She did the correct, legal thing in the first place and went to the police and then he was bailed, unremorseful at that, to a house across the road from them. I can't imagine a decent mother would be able to stop herself from going round.

If that's true I can completely understand her rage. Talk about being goaded and provoked by the system - to have her sons having to risk seeing their abuser on a daily basis - their fear.

Of course she should not have done it, her boys needed her. But her mental state must have been absolutely wrecked by him being placed opposite her house.

Women in prison for killing, tend to be cases like this. Women killing abusers. Society and the system is failing women and children when they are victims.

Dontaskdontget · 24/11/2022 14:26

This paedophile had 24 prior convictions for sexual assaults against children. That’s before he attacked these three boys, so 27 known sexual attacks on children.

Most sexual assaults aren’t reported. If this man had 27 sexual assaults against children on his criminal record, how many more children had he actually attacked? 100? 200? 2000? We know that only 1% of rapes result in a prosecution (far fewer get a conviction). Here we have 24 convictions. That implies that this man had assaulted at least 2,400 children.

He sought out volunteer jobs that gave him access to vulnerable children, and groomed their parents with a well-practiced and effective technique. He was in his late seventies when he died. It’s likely that he did indeed have thousands of victims.

They should have given Sarah Sands a medal, not a conviction.

A previous poster said “You don’t take the law into your own hands.” But the law doesn’t protect rape victims. 99% of rapists get away with it. Want families of victims to hang around waiting for justice to be done? Forget that.

Respect, Sarah. I salute you.

And I bet no one else messed with your children.

jonesy1999 · 24/11/2022 14:28

Heartbreaking.

Yes, she took the law into her own hands but, I mean, they are pretty mitigating circumstances.

If she had walked in on the act and acted spontaneously, pretty sure she would have walked free.

The fact that it's premeditated is why she has been jailed.

If only more thought could have been given to those poor boys, rather than punish them further by making them grow up without a mother.

Some sort of suspended sentence, jail time when the boys were 18+?

I don't know, it just seems unfair. She was right, he was a paedo, he abused her kids. I'm inclined to think "thems the breaks", as they say. You fly with the craws, you get shot with the craws. You abuse kids, be prepared for their parent to kill you 🤷‍♀️

mumofteenboy · 24/11/2022 14:32

Life in prison. That would make them think twice before touching others kid.

jonesy1999 · 24/11/2022 14:32

Stressedmum2017 · 24/11/2022 08:47

If criminal justice system worked properly people wouldn't take matters in to their own hands like this. She did the correct, legal thing in the first place and went to the police and then he was bailed, unremorseful at that, to a house across the road from them. I can't imagine a decent mother would be able to stop herself from going round.

Yes, quite.

That's just not right. The legal system failed her. That man should have been in prison long before this happened.

Onnabugeisha · 24/11/2022 14:32

MistressoftheDarkSide · 24/11/2022 14:26

The “chips” and “an app for that”suggestions are laughable.

And outsourcing such things to technology sounds like passing the buck.

Technology is not infallible - neither are humans, obviously, but if the technology malfunctions, and a child is harmed, do we just shrug and apologise for the software glitch?

To protect children these offenders need to be removed from society. Locked up. Give them work in a secure environment to “pay their way” perhaps.

Right, so it’s better to do nothing then. To not use the technology at our fingertips to make society safer. Because it’s “not infallible”. What idiocy. Nothing is infallible. By your logic we should just not have any safety devices on cars because they occasionally fail. Oops seatbelt didn’t work. Ooops airbag was a bit too slow that time. Double oops the brakes were faulty. Laughable we even have seatbelts, airbags and brakes right? Ridiculous to think that extra lives saved are meaningless because they’re not infalliable

MistressoftheDarkSide · 24/11/2022 14:32

@Onnabugeisha

The priority should be to prevent offenders ever getting access to new victims when they have been identified.

I would rather see tax money spent on that by keeping them out of the population than see another child harmed.

All other approaches seem to fail.

jonesy1999 · 24/11/2022 14:33

Sevensins · 24/11/2022 08:49

My mum and dad looked into getting a hitman to sort out the paedophile who abused me. They didnt. A couple of years later my dad commited suicide. I wished my dad went to prison for killing him, than killing himself.

I'm so very sorry @Sevensins.

And I understand your thinking.

Flowers
Kanaloa · 24/11/2022 14:33

MistressoftheDarkSide · 24/11/2022 14:26

The “chips” and “an app for that”suggestions are laughable.

And outsourcing such things to technology sounds like passing the buck.

Technology is not infallible - neither are humans, obviously, but if the technology malfunctions, and a child is harmed, do we just shrug and apologise for the software glitch?

To protect children these offenders need to be removed from society. Locked up. Give them work in a secure environment to “pay their way” perhaps.

You report it to Apple. You know, like how you can report bugs. App not loading, glitches, accidentally missed a tagged pedophile…