AIBU calling DH atrocious for not wanting to 'cook' anything more than frozen oven food.

[BeingHappy]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, feeling nauseous throughout the day and the smells of raw meat/the fridge/cooking smells eg onions frying, veg being steamed really sets me off.

Anyway an argument with DH really spiralled tonight. I asked him to help me out after he gets home from work (he is usually home by 6.30pm, not a.stressful job) he said yes he would and what would I like help with. I was in the wrong when I replied with 'use your initiative' to which he said that was rude.. which made me cry and I sort of spiralled. Anyway, eventually said I needed him to step up and do the cooking but it needs to be something more than frozen fish and chips. And he said that's all he knows how to cook, he doesn't know how to cook anything else. And I called him atrocious.. he said he would never say anything like that to me. AIBU for calling him atrocious?

By the way, his cooking is generally awful and the most he's ever usually managed to 'cook' is sticking frozen stuff in the oven.

Not as silly as putting up with it for potentially the next five decades.

I'm a woman. Got eyes, can read recipes. Still couldn't cook at all in my 20s, and can only cook badly now. Yes I can serve up something just about edible if I have enough warning but "I can't cook" is easy shorthand that reflects my actual ability in the kitchen. Luckily I have a DP who doesn't call me names like useless fucking child.

I can totally understand you got frustrated. It sucks to be the manager at home. However, if he has never shown initiative at chores/cooking, you can't really expect it at the snap of your fingers.

I’d bloody snap back at a DH who asked what “help I needed”
DH needs to figure out for himself, just like me, what HE needs to do to get some decent nutritious food on the table, or whatever other do,entice cures need doing
why is it OPs job to parent him by expla8ning or providing instructions on how to look after them, the home etc.
It’s just completely lazy - can’t be arsed to think about it for himself
why do women enable this

I just don’t believe that, unless there’s something else at play neurologically, a functioning adult who can hold down a job and is about to be a parent can’t follow a recipe for a meal. I just don’t.

Presumably you knew he was a shit cook when you married him?

People who "can't cook" are invariably lazy and unadventurous, from my experience. Of course you can cook. Which bit are you struggling with?

A grown man that can't cook a single meal IS atrocious. He needs to learn now, before he has a child to feed.
I imagine what he really meant is he didn't WANT to and couldn't be bothered to try.

You met him, knew he couldn’t cook and decided he’s the one for you. Now, you’re pregnant so expect him to suddenly ce a chef? Yabvu

i don’t understand how a fully-grown adult cannot cook but you chose him.

He needs to step up, yes but you’ve done yourself no favours.

Sorry but I think YABU, particularly with the unnecessary, snipey “use your initiative” comment when he was happy to help and wanted to know what you would find most helpful.

In our house DH does most of the housework, organising and cooking. Because of this I don’t necessarily know what needs doing, unless things are really visible (E.g. overflowing wash basket or dirty kitchen). He also likes some things to be done in a certain way, such as how the dishwasher is stacked, so we have an agreement that I leave it to him. And so yes, I will occasionally ask him what he would like me to do to help. Because we choose to communicate, instead of letting the other person flounder and then berate them for getting it wrong.

You've been really mean to him. You knew he couldn't cook but still expected something beyond his capabilities, called him names, upset him and forced him to sleep in a different room. What was he supposed to do in that situation?

Yanbu. If he can read, he can cook.

Me too. Our adult family of 4 are all of healthy weight and very rarely ill.

Is "I have no interest in cooking" the same as "I have no interest in eating nice meals"? Because if not I think that's really sad. I know I probably sound really patronising right now but you're missing out on so much (not to mention freshness) if you're only eating frozen or microwave stuff. But you're probably fine and I should mind my own business.

Buy him cooking classes for his birthday. All grown-ups should be able to master a few easy dishes.

Ok🙄🤦‍♀️
you have agreed that you will do this with each other.
then Op hasnt

why do you think you are on same position as the OPs husband

Ah, my DP was like this when I moved in with him. I didn't merely hint or beat around the bush though. I basically refused to eat pasta sauce out of a jar but taught him how to make a really simple one (chopped tomatoes, puree, onions etc). Banned microwave potatoes but taught him how to make mash, wedges etc.

This "can't cook" nonsense needs nipping in the bud. Plenty of praise goes a long way though - you catch more flies with honey.

Would a compromise be to get some really good quality ready meals and have them in the freezer? Or sit down together and make a list of meals like jacket potatoes and tuna, or quiche and salad, that are easy and simple to make with very little cooking. Another option will be something like Gousto or HelloFresh where it's already prepared for you and all you have to do is follow the recipe. But having a go at him just sounds a bit mean to be honest!

There are so many women on here with alarmingly low expecrstions of men and all are perpetuating the problem.

Huge numbers of children are raised on frozen foods and packets and they aren't all dying of scurvy or malnutrition.

I don't care about cooking from scratch. I get that it tastes good but I'm lazy and I would rather spend my time doing something I enjoy, not standing over a hot
stove 🤷🏻‍♀️

The point isn't that you'll die if you only eat microwave and frozen meals.

Is that honestly what you think people are saying?

He’s not interested in cooking and YABU and a bit nasty with it. He can help in other ways and you won’t die from eating a ready meal or baked potato. Does he do other jobs around the house apart from cooking? Laundry? Cleaning?

I don't care about cooking from scratch.

Yeah but do you care about never preparing fresh food?

I completely agree. I say I can’t cook, but what it means is that I can’t cook well. I can do basic stuff, including making standard British fair such as shepherds pie if I plan in advance, but it’s never going to be anything more than edible, and even that isn’t guaranteed. Which is why DH does most of the cooking.

And to those saying follow a recipe, I tried to make sponge pudding in a mug the other night following a recipe. DH does it all the time and it’s delicious, but he was out. It was inedible, and when DD ratted me out to DH, he said that’s why we don’t let Sewannoying cook.