AIBU calling DH atrocious for not wanting to 'cook' anything more than frozen oven food.

[BeingHappy]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, feeling nauseous throughout the day and the smells of raw meat/the fridge/cooking smells eg onions frying, veg being steamed really sets me off.

Anyway an argument with DH really spiralled tonight. I asked him to help me out after he gets home from work (he is usually home by 6.30pm, not a.stressful job) he said yes he would and what would I like help with. I was in the wrong when I replied with 'use your initiative' to which he said that was rude.. which made me cry and I sort of spiralled. Anyway, eventually said I needed him to step up and do the cooking but it needs to be something more than frozen fish and chips. And he said that's all he knows how to cook, he doesn't know how to cook anything else. And I called him atrocious.. he said he would never say anything like that to me. AIBU for calling him atrocious?

By the way, his cooking is generally awful and the most he's ever usually managed to 'cook' is sticking frozen stuff in the oven.

You are absolutely not in the wrong. In 2022, there are NO excuses for not knowing how to cook.

Some of us have zero interest in cooking - is that a good enough excuse?

Also, there is nothing wrong with frozen food, and apparently OP can't stand the smell of food cooking at the moment - if it's in the oven it won't smell so much.

YABU, and completely over-reacting OP.

Some of us have zero interest in cooking - is that a good enough excuse?

No, it isn't.

It feels like there is too much of a gap between what your DH will do now - frozen oven food - and what you want - home cooked meals.

I agree with the other posters who are saying to increase the range of easy to make and ready prepared stuff. So chicken breasts with a sauce, baked potatoes rather than oven chips. Fajitas are easy to make and a simple bolognaise- yes let him use the sauce - can be churned out in 15 minutes.

After a day at work I have no desire to start fannying round with complicated recipes and multiple ingredients.

PS DH also does the "Mm am I getting coriander " for completely different herbs. He mostly makes mixed curries from a jar.

P.S my mother-in-law is a pretty poor cook too. I think he had no good examples of cooking growing up.

You are not being very supportive of him.

He said he was happy to help but you still snapped at him and told him you expect him to do something that he doesnt know how to do.

He is who he is. He wants to help you but if you want him to cook then you're going to have to help him learn.

Batch cook together at the weekend so your frozen meals are homemade.
If he can't cook he'll require guidance not criticism

YABU. The 'use your initiative' comment was unnecessary as was 'atrocious' - you married a man who you knew can't cook and weirdly suddenly thought now you're pregnant he'll start plating up meals, other than frozen foods, overnight.

I replied with 'use your initiative' to which he said that was rude..
I can’t believe the grief you’re getting for this when you’re entirely correct! We’re talking about a 39-year-old man with a full-time job and a wife and a baby on the way, who presumably manages to pay bills on time and get the car MOTd and run a household, but he can’t figure out that after work at the same time each night, everyone in the house is hungry, a meal needs to be prepared, and the woman doing all the hormonally inspired throwing up when faced with raw ingredients isn’t the one to be doing it.

Jesus wept the bar for men is so low it’s underground. And as for the OP “letting” him reach this age without being able to cook, as though it’s her responsibility to make him grow the fuck up?! He does need to use his initiative. He needs to pull his finger out and become as adult at home as he presumably is in the workplace.

I think one day you’ll look back at laugh about how unreasonable you’ve been.

my dh and I laugh about how I threatened divorce when I was pregnant when he forgot to bring me home a toffee crisp I’d been craving all day. I cried hysterically and said he obviously didn’t love me etc etc. we laugh about it now.

pregnancy hormones are a bitch.

eat the frozen food, you won’t die.

Being pregnant isn’t a free pass to be a dick and blame it on your hormones.

YABU.

My DH can't cook either, his repertoire is out of the freezer or veg in the steamer.

It's fine, if we fancy something quick and easy he makes tea. If we fancy something "naice" I do it.

Either way he does all the washing up 😆

I think your response was out of proportion but likely because of your hormones and pregnancy.

Just have a chat apologise but ask him if he would like you to help him learn to cook.

My DH can't cook at all, slow cooker is a god send,pop ingredients in, turn on and it's done for tea time. My husband knows how to open a jar and meat. Best thing ever!!!

It seems pretty obvious that cooking is not his thing, but he's tried on several occasions. It sounds like he has a nice attitude and cares about you a lot.

Why don't you try cooking together with him, just show him what you do? Cook a meal with him a couple of times and then let him try it on his own. I did this with my ex and he was then able to cook a handful of meals just fine, he actually got quite into it.

If you want him to do it then help him, don't just leave him to use youtube videos. You need to be more supportive and less critical.

I’m surprised the poll has gone the way it has.

Turning raw ingredients into food is a basic life skill. You’re not asking him to exercise creativity or flair, no foams or jus or attractive presentation, or hunt/forage ingredients from the wild - just follow basic instructions on a packet or in a book. In the absence of an actual learning disability, this isn’t an unreasonable request.

it sounds a bit like weaponised incompetence to me, which is pretty atrocious to live with, as well as devastatingly unsexy.

I think you were a little unreasonable, but with good reason. He's a grown man, getting to his age with no motivation to be learn to cook anything other than frozen food is poor. Like anyone else, he can pick up a recipe book. What would be do if he were single? Eat frozen food and take aways the whole time? But pathetic.

And as for 'helping', surely he lives there too and knows what needs doing? I don't see why that should be your remit to delegate to him either. He has eyes and half a brain presumably and can look around. Yes, you were snappy, but you are pregnant and feeling crap with a husband who sounds like a teenager. I can see how that would be frustrating.

Is he never going to cook for your child/family?

Are you for real?!

Op certainly did overreact and needs to apologise but why should it be on her to teach him to cook? If he can read there are endless resources online.

The bar is very low for men isn't it?
Ip should organise hello fresh.. op should help him learn to cook.. op should have married someone capable of cooking..
This man is going to be a father he will also be responsible for the health and well being of his child and one vital part of that is cooking.
He should take the initiative and learn to cook.

A nearly 40-year-old man who claims he can’t cook and won’t try to learn so he can make food for his pregnant partner, and needs mothering and gentle encouraging to get him to even try? That’s fucking pathetic.

I think your reaction was a bit OT but you are very hormonal so even if its not right its understandable.

agree with those who think its odd to not be able to make basic meals in 2022 when you have so many resources.

i get some don’t like cooking, but that’s not a good enough excuse imo its pure laziness, I don’t like putting washing away but I still do it.

i think if you have a young family, you have a duty to make sure you at least try to give them a nutritional diet

it doesn’t sound like he doesn’t want to cook, rather that he doesnt have the confidence, maybe try a few easy hello fresh stuff again for him, or The one tin cook books are very good and easy.

It shouldn't, but if she doesn't want to eat cinnamon curry and prawns in boiling oil sauce it looks like she's going to have to at least supervise.

I’m sorry but your goading him

Why does the DH have to ‘help’ the OP with a fundamental chore. Are we back in the 1950s. Surely it is he ‘does’ the cooking.

When I was in early stage of pregnancy I couldn’t even open the fridge without being sick. The smell of toothpaste on DH’s breath made me sick so he had to decamp into another room to avoid me throwing up on him at night!

DH tried all sort of meals to try and find ones that didn’t make me vomit.

What happens if OP has to go into hospital for example when their child is older, does the DH not feed it because of his inability to cook?

I am only on page two of your thread and yet another dig / poking fun at his cooking exploits. I am not surprised he doesn’t want to cook for you with what seems like a never ending commentary of his failings. Apart from that maybe he just doesn’t want to cook. I am sure I can watch YouTube videos of various gardening techniques, but I don’t like gardening and I don’t want to learn.

He said he would help and then, despite you both knowing he lacks ability in this area you responded with “use your initiatve”, burst into tears and then forced him to move to another room. It beggars belief really.

I don’t think I can bear to read any more of this but I hope you have apologised unreservedly for your poor behaviour by now. I’d be very worried if I was him about another twenty weeks of this unnecessary dramatics.