Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

It's not a value judgement or a statistic related to average maternal age during first or subsequent pregnancy, it's purely a clinical risk indicator.

Even if some bizzare law was passed meaning it was illegal to have a baby before turning 40 and almost everyone waited until then, it'd still mean everyone was in the statistical category of geriatric pregnancy with associated elevated risks. Social norms don't really change that, although obviously they do mean medical staff are better prepared.

Women have always had babies in their 40s though obviously - it used to be fairly rare for that to be a first pregnancy.

It’s not too old, obviously. Plenty of women have children in their mid thirties and into their forties. But it’s not ‘young’ in any way.

Not young exactly but the average age of marriage is 30s in the uk so 36 can't be old.

I'm not married myself but seems a good indicator. I guess it's relative too - 36 in my small hometown would be old. 36 in London is young.

To me 35/36 is about the average age to have a baby. It certainly is where I live. I buck the trend as had my DD at the age of almost 42.

Not old for a third if you didn’t start young but certainly not young to be having a baby.

however at 36 just starting to try depending on how long it takes and how close to 37 you are right now to conceive you could end up quite a bit closer to 40 before they are born if it takes a year or two plus the pregnancy.

I know we could all die tomorrow but I’d be looking at my age by the time they are 16/18/21/30 not just if I could conceive. Also going back to nappies after having two that have been away from them for a while. 9 and 6 are much better ages to juggle activities than say 12, 9 and 1 or 2.

It's within normal age it's just I wouldn't call it young! It's quite widely known fertility declines after 35. I wouldn't think "oh that's old to have a baby" though just medically it isn't young

Dame Judi Dench had her DD when she was 36 I believe...

An ex colleague of mine was told by her DM (worked in gynaecology as an expert) that she could leave it up until 37 years old to start. This ex colleague had been married before, divorced in her early 30s, met her now DH not long after her divorce but he's 7 years younger then her. She then had 2 DS's at 37 and 38, so a year between them, no issues conceiving etc.

It's not young. But it's not old old. You're not in your late 40s.

When I was at school I said I wouldn't have any children after I was 30. I had dd when I was 17 and she's an only. So I guess my cut off was 17 😂

I think it’s because you inferred in your OP that the age of what is classed as an ‘older mother’ is incorrect. Most of my friends were done having children by about 32-34, I was done by 30 as were my sister in laws. I have a few friends still having babies at 36-38, one is still full of energy, the other is exhausted and struggles to keep up with her now toddler.

If you want another then it’s up to you if you feel too old or not, the geriatric term is there to protect you to keep a closer eye on you become of the increased risks.

Me personally I want my years of freedom back in my early 50’s to enjoy travelling again without the financial burden of children and university etc, I want to pay off my mortgage early, retire early etc. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I had another baby in my late 30’s

I would say it's older than average to have a first child where I am.

But when I had my first at 30, most of the mums in my mum friend group were older and edging towards 40 with their second children. A few were around 40 with first and only children. I knew very few mums who were younger than me.

So I'd say 36 isn't old at all for a third child.

I don't think it's 'young' but in my circles it's a totally normal age to be having a baby, first or otherwise. Mind you, I had DD1 at 32 and I felt young and unprepared

No that’s not young!

Round here it would be very, very normal.
You are ‘young’ if you are under 28 here, which I find baffling.

Prime age really is 20-30 and that’s just a fact. Socially it might not always be the best time, which is unfortunate. Lots of women act as if they have time: if you’re in a stable relationship and financially secure and you know you want kids, there’s no time like the present.

I think for a second baby anything up to 37 is fine. My personal limit (if I were thinking about one more) would be 32 as then DH would be 35, at that point.

By no definition is 36 young to have a baby OP

Not young. But an ok time. Risks are higher of course.

I hate to break it to you but there are loads of reasons why you may not gain freedom in your 50s, despite you having children relatively younger. It's also more likely (albeit not true in every case of course) that your earning potential is lower than that of someone who had children later. You are more likely to be renting and less likely to have further education.

So, whilst I hope you and your loved ones grow older healthily, you must realise that having kids young doesn't guarantee freedom at a young age. Nothing is certain.

Couldn't agree more. I had my first baby at 20. I had youngest dc at 34 and I'm currently pregnant at 36. It's all so much harder now I'm older. I bounced back no problem with dc1.

No it's not young, BUT fertility gradually declines after 35 and no it doesn't fall off the cliff. Sick of this being peddled. It's been proved as outdated information. FFS

I had baby #3 at 36.
In my area a 'geriatric' mum is over 25!

36 is a perfectly acceptable age to have a baby.

Medically, 34+ is classed as geriatric. My GP was very matter of fact when she told me I was classed as a geriatric mother, however quickly followed up with 'but you're a relative spring chicken'!

I was the youngest in my ante natal class at 36.

Biologically its not young but its certainly not old.

It’s not relatively young, but equally it’s not ridiculously old. Anything over 35 is an “older/ geriatric” mother, I believe. It’s not meant as an insult though

It's normal but not young.

@NotRainingToday seriously? It’s strange how areas are so different. You would be judged to high heaven for having a child before 25 around our area

No, of course 36 isn't (relatively) young to have a baby.

I qualified as a midwife 20 tears ago and have never heard women referred to as 'elderly' or words like that.