Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

I don't think most doctors use the term "geriatric" to describe mothers any more. The usual term these days is "advanced maternal age."

Over 35 is on the old side, technically, but not too old at all. 40 was my cut off, but everyone is different. A friend of mine had a baby at 45 and enjoys being a mother. Another friend of mine made a point of having all hers in her 20s.

Geriatric mothers were 26 and over when I trained!

This is an example of how medical definitions are often influenced by social standards of what is currently considered normal.

Right after World War II until the average age of marriage for women fell to very young ages (around 21 years of age), but women were still only having 2-3 children each (unlike women hundreds of years ago, who usually had around six children each). Through the 1970s, the average age of marriage crept up a bit ... but the average number of children that each woman was having went down, so that women were still having their last child at around 25 or 26 in most cases.

As a result, there is this very unusual period between the late 1940s and the beginning of the 1980s, where most births were to women in their early-to-mid 20s, and having a baby after about 30 was really unusual. Attitudes that women over 26 were "old" to be having a baby stem from this rather odd post-war fertility pattern.

It's not "traditional" in the true sense, by the way. The average Elizabethan woman circa 1600 (for example) married at around 25, and had around 6 children, with the last one probably being born when she was around 37 or so. The Elizabethans didn't think it was odd to have kids in your 30s, because almost all women who married would have had a few kids in their 30s.

It's in the older mother category for a good reason: your biology. I had 2 when I was 24 and 26. I was 36 when I was pregnant with no 3 and I really felt old in relation to how my body reacted: I was working in a stressful full time job and remember the overall physical exhaustion...

20 years ago I was classed as an elderly primagravida at 29!

How times have changed.

I think it's more of a medical thing than a value judgement. I wouldn't say it was young to have children, but it is still "young".

Omg. Please take no notice what anyone tells you. Have your third baby, you are a great age and you will regret it in a few years when it will get more difficult. I had my first at 36, and my third at 40. Best of luck

I was 34 and 38, geriatric both times, I think it's a normal age to have dc but I'm not upset about the geriatric medical term.

I know of several women who’ve had kids, NDN at 34/35, the next at 36/37 and her final at 40. No issues whatsoever. Another neighbour had hers (2 boys) in her late 30s, I think 37 and 39. Again no issues. Cousin of one of neighbours had her baby by spent donor at 44. Friend of friend got pregnant at 44 with baby girl. Her best friend got pregnant at 35 now has teenaged girl.

I think as long as you look after your health and fitness, eat well and have a healthy pregnancy you’ll be absolutely fine at 36 to conceive and have a baby.

36 is quite old to have a baby, but common especially if it's a third one. I say this as a geriatric mother myself!
I know women who have had a baby at 45 and also women who have started peri menopause in late 30s.

i would argue that perimenopause is easier to deal with when you have a 10 year old rather than a teen ...

I had My 4th child at 27 and I was told I was ab older mum 🤣 I said maybe an experienced mum sounded better

I was most of the way through being 36 when I had my child, I know others who had babies when older than that. But it does get harder to conceive, and the risks are greater. Having had successful pregnancies already you probably stand a better chance of everything being ok.

I'd say to have your third at 36 much be fairly average or younger than average, at a guess. Just a guess though. I heard a statistic somewhere that more women in UK are having babies over 30 than under - I don't know if that's including all babies or just being a first time mum?

I got pregnant with first at 34, had her at 35. For me personally, having children under 30 would have felt like madness, too young. Almost all of my friends were the same, I think, especially the men. One of my friends got married straight after uni and had a baby soon after and I have another friend who had her first when she was 31 I think. But when I look at all my other close female friends from school and uni, actually most still don't have children! I'm not sure any of the men from my friendship groups have children (all roughly 35 too). What's going on there?!

I know this isn't typical across the board, though. At work, for example, there are heaps of people who had children in their 20s.

It depends whether you are talking about

how you feel
whether you can afford
ability to conceive

the harsh reality is that a woman’s fertility declines markedly after about 32 (if not before) - that is due to the quality of your eggs declining. Sadly while perception of age has changed culturally over the last few decades and we are all living longer we do not have a way to preserve the quality of our eggs other than extract them while young and freeze them.
As someone who had 10 rounds of IVF to conceive my DD having tried for a baby from the age of 37 it is alarming to hear so many women say they will wait until they are older - for whatever reason to start TTC - the sad facts of fertility are not talked about enough to young women and we need to make this a more open conversation.

Is 36 too old to be a mum - absolutely not - it’s a great age and you have so much experience - but for those women who leave it until then genuinely you have reduced your chances of conceiving naturally.

There are so many medical experts on this thread, all ascertaining that fertility declines at a different point (most recent assertion is a marked decline at 32 if not before…blimey).

And various PPs claiming that you’re a geriatric (in pregnancy terms) at different points ranging from your late twenties to early forties 😂

Interesting reading though and fascinating that this thread has been so active and provoked such strong views.

I know that for some people, being unable to get pregnant can be heartbreaking, so I don't want to diminish that by saying that statistically, most people stand a fairly good chance, even in 30s - isn't that true? When decided to try to get pregnant at 34, I remember looking at NHS website and feeling really encouraged. Just looked there now, and it says if you're over 40 you have a 8 out of 10 chance that you'll conceive within a year. It doesn't say anything about 30s specifically any more, but I definitely remember thinking that we had a good chance. Various health conditions can play a factor as well, though- not everyone is lucky there.

I kind of feel that were told to expect difficulties if you're in your 30s but this just didn't seem true if you're fit and healthy.

Definitely not young to have a baby but not abnormal. My mum was 25 when she had her first and 32 when she had her third and last.

My friend turns 50 in May and she has two boys aged 11 and 8. It is definitely still possible to get pregnant past the age of 36.

Two of my work colleagues both became pregnant within a year of each other when one was 26 and the other 36. The 36 year old was a perfectly healthy size and weight and continued to look after herself during pregnancy and sailed through it finally stopping work at 7 and a half months pregnant as she was on her feet 7 hours a day (retail). The 26 year old was morbidly obese and continued to not eat well during her pregnancy. She finished up work at just 4 and half months pregnant as she ended up with gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. Taking care of yourself is a must.

But we’re not saying it’s unusual. We’re just saying it’s not young. Yes, a lot of people have babies old.

I was 28 when I had dd1, and was down in my notes as an ‘elderly’ primigravida. 😱
This was long ago, though, she’s in her 40s now - and had her 3rd baby at nearly 43. 1 and 2 were at 38 and 39. Quite usual now.

In my day I was the oldest on the mat. ward though - one was 19, others early 20s.

Not it’s not too old have a 3rd baby. My mum was classed as geriatric mum when she had me at 32 and that was in 1989. I would’ve thought geriatric mum would be someone in their 40’s. If you want a 3rd op then go for it.

I never said it’s unusual either, just said it’s classed as older mum/ above average, rather than relatively young.

We are living much longer, so does that mean menopause etc is delayed?

I don't know. If it has moved back the age for geriatric mothers (who coined that phrase???) Should move back too.

I was 35 and 36 when we had our two. I don't recall being older than most other mums at the time.

No, the menopause is not delayed just because women are living longer. Girls are starting their periods at a younger age than ever before in history, but the average age for menopause has remained the same - so you could argue 36 is even further on in someone’s fertile years now than it has ever been…

52 is the average age for menopause. But you are only officially in menopause after your periods have stopped for a year. So for most women the forties are the last gasp for fertility.

I had ferocious menopausal symptoms at 47/48, yet my GP kept banging upon about this '52' thing. At 50, I have absolutely no idea whether I am 'though' the transition or not, as I started HRT at 48. My youngest was nine and I really would have not wanted younger children to deal with.

I was the same but I started seeing a new GP and he was horrified one day when I sat there and broke out in a hot flush that had sweat dripping off me. Started the MHRT patch, saw a specialist lady GP and last year she took blood tests and I’m now infertile, so although technically “through” menopause, I still have the patch as the symptoms can last years.