Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

Both of my grandmothers had first baby at 30. Went on to have eight children each! And we’re talking a long time ago. No nhs. All home births. It’s luck of the draw with fertility, health of mum etc. I had my second child at almost 37. Know quite a few who had children in their 40s. So none of us were young mums. But it worked out ok.

I had my first at 19 and my second at 46 (who is now 6 months old) My first was a very difficult pregnancy and birth and a handful as a baby - my second at 46 was a wonderful pregnancy and easy birth and she has always been a really good baby so actually I would wholly disagree and say that 45 is certainly not too old!

Well it isn't young to me. I'm not even 33 yet. I was done 10 years ago! But it's still a normal age

OP I agree with you!
Although I think it’s a question of immaturity, rather than youth.

Yes, biologically speaking, it’s not young. But societally, it absolutely (depending on the person) can be.

I say this because I had my first (and so far only) baby at 39… and despite everyone around me saying how late I’d left it, I actually still felt too young (read: flighty and irresponsible) to be becoming a mother.

From MY vantage point, anything younger than 39 is young to be having a baby. I’m in awe of the maturity of women who have children in their 20s (I was a partied out mess at that age who couldn’t even look after a plant).

My 3x great grandmother had her first baby at 20. She was widowed and didn't remarry until she was 40. She then had 7 further children. My 2x great grandmother was the last, born when she was 52.

She lived to 97 so got to see them all grow up.

In that context 36 is very young!

I had a baby last year, gave birth the day before my 40th birthday, and the wards were full of mid to late 30s women, totally normal nowadays.

'Isn’t it common knowledge now that a lot of the stuff about fertility “dropping off a cliff” at 35 is just nasty nonsense'

Not really tbh. Egg quality starts to decline significantly around age 35. It's not that it's harder to conceive necessarily but the miscarriage rate increases rapidly.

Having had one baby at 30 and the other at 36 I can confirm I felt significantly older second time round. Everything was harder because, you know, I’m old.

36 is a totally normal age to have a kid. In my NCT group the odd ones out were 31 or so. In my daughter’s Year 1 class the majority of the parents (of 5-6 year olds) are 40+. I think what’s normal seems to vary significantly based on where you are and who you hang around with.

36 is also biologically on the older side with more risks attached. So it’s sensible that they take that into account in the care they provide. Don’t get hung up on the name - although they could probably come up with a less loaded term!

I was classed as geriatric with both mine. I was 38 and 40. It wasn't for the want of trying

Wonderful! What an amazing woman your 3x great grandmother was!

That’s a lovely post @AliasGrape - made me a bit misty eyed!

I had a baby a decade ago in my early 40s and expected to be called a geriatric mum back then but they told me that I wasn’t!

My first and only at 43 it was hard on my body
but an extremely unexpected blessing
do what you feel is ok
for your other children and the over populated
world
don’t let a medical term affect your decision just
be guided by your current family

The optimum age medically to have a baby is around the 20's. Eggs start deteriorating after 35 which is why they give extra testing . Good luck though ! At any age its very exciting !

I’m 36 in march and having my first baby in February, am classed as older mum it changes risk factors like blood clotting, and eclampsia so they class it in a certain way. By no means think I am too old for having a baby lol we just waited. But yes i feel mid 30s is a different ball game to late 30s and 40s

That’s a lovely story! :-)

Absolutely normal. I was 43 when I had my 3rd and was considered ancient!! My Mum was 46 when she had me though and my Dr said 'fertility is generally inherited'....When I had my 2nd at 30, my notes read 'older mother' so times have definitely moved on. I'd say definitely go for it.

I conceived the first weekend of trying when I was 41 and it was fine. Now I realise it’s partly because I had so much time and freedom in my 30s to keep fit: hiking, cycling, skiing.
I’m 47 now and peri is kicking in, and feel a lot older and more unfit.
It’s not having a baby: you’re on mat leave and the baby sleeps 15 hours a day - it’s all the years that follow.

Let me add some context here …

in London for example it’s considered perfectly normal to have a baby in your 40s… as more women seem to be starting families after the age of 35… I was told at the hospital that the over 35 and over 40 category of women having children in London is far greater than women under the age of 30!

I know many women who started their families over the age of 40 even one having her second child at 47 without IVF…

the consultant at the hospital also told me prior to the 1950s many women gave birth over the age of 40 as they didn’t really use contraception and also that fertility has declined and is still in decline due to some life style choices - smoking and drinking …

I think it depends on where you live .. non of my friends or circle of acquaintances had babies under the age of 35….

Exactly this!

Biologically you’re pushing your luck at that age unfortunately! I’m 36 and just had twins so was automatically pushed to the high risk category.

It's not far off the upper limit of being possible, definitely not young - that's equivalent to describing 20 as relatively old to have a child just because some women biologically can and do 6 years earlier at 14.

For your third baby - absolutely not no! Go for it. But have a chat with GP or midwife first. (39 having number 3, no regrets. I'm disabled too)
Good luck

It’s not young but it’s certainly not old. Middle class + seem to wait until they are older to have a child. I think the make sure they are stable first. My mother had me her 1st child at 40 and I had my second at 32. I say if you can afford it go for it.