Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

I had my 3rd at 35, I had to have an extra long course of blood thinners after my C-section because of my “advanced age” 😂🤦🏻‍♀️
I didn’t and don’t feel old to have a baby but it’s slowly dawned on me that I’ll be 40 when she starts school!! I’ll be on a zimmer by the time she finishes 😉

That is so area dependant though. I've taught at 2 schools twenty miles apart. At one, almost everyone had finished having children by 25, 26. Where I am now, most of the parents of Y1s are in their mid 40s. I had mine at 30 and 32 and feel very average at my son's school gate.

I think we need a separate thread where everyone can get their anecdotes of “when I/my mum/my neighbour’s aunt gave birth back in X at the age of X, I/she was classed as geriatric!!” out of their system. It’s not particularly relevant here though.

Here in the UK in 2022 the term “geriatric pregnancy” isn’t used anymore. And at my hospital you weren’t classed as “older” until the age of 40.

In my area, 36 actually would be relatively young for a third child. Across the UK I would say it is normal but not young.

Wasn’t it actually Kirsty Allsopp who first used the phrase “falling off a cliff” about fertility after 35?! Interesting how it has stuck…

I was an elderly prima gravida at 31 so yes YABU

Average age for a first time mum across the world is 28. I’d say 34+ your fertility is declining and then 37+ is definitely an older mum. Under 25 is a young mum and 25-33 is a ’normal’ age according to the averages and likelihood of having high fertility .

worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/average-age-of-having-first-child-by-country

Agreed. I had my first at 29, she’s now in year 2 and I’m definitely one of the youngest parents - i think there are only two or three who are younger than me.

I'd say emotionally no, but biologically and physically it becomes more challenging as we age. More care needs to be taken medically. Egg quantity and quality decrease, so chances of becoming pregnant naturally decrease significantly while risk of birth defects increase; and medically assisted fertility isn't a guarantee of pregnancy or live birth. It is cruel that once we feel emotionally ready and are often in a better financial position it becomes more difficult and impossible for some. Not to mention cost if the ivf route is taken.
Not trying to dissuade you, though!
I am one of the lucky ones having had a medically assisted pregnancy resulting in my now 14-month old and am currently taking the medication to try for another. 😊

This seems to be the norm, disadvantaged areas seem to have younger parents and areas with more affluent areas seem to have older parents , I think this is because people dedicated their 20s and early 30s often to their career so are more stable financially .

That’s the thing..3 of my children I had aged between 24 and 31. Conceived first time month every time, healthy pregnancies, healthy babies, end of. 4th baby at 36..2 miscarriages before the successful pregnancy, pregnancy had problems and baby was in scbu. Of course for some people it’s plain sailing, (or at least they sell it that way) but I think there are many more issues the older you get.

But I mean OP why does it matter whether you would count as a young or old mum? It's obviously not young, but it's not outside the norm for a third child especially. Are you worried about carrying the child, being able to look after them or just how you'll be perceived? Because I wouldn't avoiding being an "old mum" for any of those reasons! How easy it is falling pregnant, being pregnant and looking after children until adulthood depends on a whole range of factors, only one of which is age. If you feel physically, financially and emotional like you can, and you want to, why not? It's not like anyone is going to quiz you on your age! And like most people have said, it's a normal age for a child, especially if it's not your first.

Don't let your age put you off having another baby! I'm surprised at the negativity tbh! I had my first at 34 (following years of infertility), 2nd at 35 (one month before I turned 36). We started ttc for our 3rd when I was 38, and that resulted in a miscarriage, plus a second one when I was 39. I actually conceived relatively quickly, think it was about 6 months then 3 months. I saw an obs privately and he had no concerns.

After my second miscarriage, we tried again. I got pregnant straight away and my youngest arrived when I was 40. He will be 19 at the weekend.

You're properly fertile from around 13 to early 40s so yes 36 is old. It's based on risk not fashion/ societal norms.

It’s not young and your risks are higher, hence you’re treated with extra care. Doesn’t mean you can’t have a straight forward pregnancy and healthy baby but your risks are lower at a younger age

My mother had three children between 36 and 40. This wasn’t unusual in the 1950s. The last pregnancy was the easiest for her.

Believe it or not when I was pregnant with my first at the age of 27 in my hospital notes it said I was an "elderly primagravida". I thought it hilarious. I had my second at the age of 36. I was definitely more tired with my second. Apart from that it was no different. I had elective C Sections both times due to my medical history.

I was 6 weeks off turning 36 when I had my 3rd

It’s not old to have a third. Anyway who cares? Do what’s right for you. And all these negative stories…took me 4 months to conceive aged 34. Took 4 weeks aged 37!

My mum was classed as a geriatric mother when she had her 3rd baby at 27!

36 seems old to me, but my ds was 16 when I was 36.

i had my third at 36, don’t think I was classed as a geriatric mother.

it’s not especially young to have a baby, though. I felt significantly older, though (and feel positively ancient now, 10 years on!)

So I had my DS in my early 40s after recurrent miscarriages in my 30s.I did go on a different pathway to the younger mums in my antenatal group (all in their 30s) in that i had more appointments with midwives/at hospital BUT I had a completely uneventful pregnancy and a textbook birth. I certainly had far fewer issues pre and post birth than some of my friends. So age is only part of the story - the midwifes I spoke to said there are so many variables.

My grandparents had their children in the very late 1960s and 70s. They were all in their early 20s and they (and everyone around them) considered late 20s to be old for a woman to have her first child. You mentioned that it wasn’t unusual to be in your late 30s and 40s to start having children in the 1950s. That has to be incorrect.

I have found that to be true.

We moved from a very affluent area where everyone I knew was mid 30s to 40 having first babies. People were horrified when I had my first at 22, I used to get asked if I was his nanny all the time!

When we moved across the country to a deprived area (couldn’t afford the affluent area anymore!), I am now always one the oldest at playgroups with my 2 year old and in my 8 year olds class by far.

when others are my age (42), they tend to be grandmothers bringing toddler children to playgroup! Middle dd is 8, and her best friends grandmother is only three years older than me, she laughs about it when we take the children out together!

Biologically it's not young. Socially it isn't even that young in my area for a third. The MC women who envisage a bigger family but start in their 30s crack on with it!

I had one at 36, 15 years after previous baby. I was called an elderly primigravida. I felt like a born again virgin.

36 is normal for a third baby!

45 is too old.

Go for it Op!