Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

I think people need to be more open about using donor eggs and IVF. It's telling women yeah you can have babies late it's easy. When it's not it's heartbreaking , grueling and giving women the wrong impression. When I was in my teens I assumed you could get pregnant easily at 45 as the celebs were doing it 🤣🤣🤣. I had a child when I was 20 unplanned (condom broke and we were in China and I couldn't find the MAP) to my now DH. I've done more reading it's evident that no you likely won't have a baby at 40-45 with your own eggs at least.

I had my 4th baby at 36 earlier this year. It led to one extra tick in the boxes for 'blood clotting risk factors' during my pregnancy, and zero else, and I have a beautiful 8 month old now. If you want another baby now, then go for it.

I went into early menopause at 38 for no known reason. Good job I was a one and done as options were taken away.

I don't think 36 is old but fertility defo declining.

Clearly its not "relatively young". Biologically speaking we are probably in prime years for child bearing from about 18/19 to 30.

Its fine to have a third baby at 36, but clearly its towards the later stages of fertility. Rates of miscarriage, stillbirth etc are increasing by then.

No, I think it's quite old; last chance saloon almost. At 36 you'd hope you'd still get pregnant but by the time you're 38-40 it's increasingly unlikely.

Have a child if you want to. It would be common even in the past for women to have their last child at this age or older.

Oh and of course plenty of people do have babies in their late thirties & early forties. What they don't often share is the road it took to get there, which might include months & months (or years!) TTC, miscarriages, or IVF, egg donation.

All the women i know who've conceived over 40 had ivf.

OP have your child when you feel it is the right time - you are fertile, 36 is a great age to have a child. For many it is the best time, as your career would have developed, you feel more experienced and settled. Do not let age put you off, yes it is not a particularly "young" age but it is a perfectly normal one to have a child. Don't bother yourself with labels.

I had my children aged 36, 38 and 42, and I think I was classed as 'elderly' every time, though the last pregnancy was much harder than the first and all of my pregnancies were easier than those of a friend who had her kids younger.

These labels don't mean much, they just signal shifting likelihoods of certain events. If you feel fit to have a baby, go ahead and don't worry about a word in your medical file.

I was an 'elderly primagravida' at 36.
Had my 2nd aged 39 (my Mother was 'shocked' I still could)
Pg again by accident aged 50 but sadly that one didn't stick with me.

It's not young to me, I'm 30 with a 6 year old. But geriatric mother is a bit of a harsh term.

I had a child on first go at 29. Start trying for a second at 33 thinking I’d get pregnant first go.l again. But instead spent three years TTC and had two IVF cycles. Currently 10 weeks pregnant 🤞

I never thought that would happen to me but it did.

No, it’s not relatively young in my view.
I’m not criticising it…. I had my kids at 35 & 39. But I considered myself a fairly old mum if anything.

It’s ‘old’ in medical terms but not so much in real life terms nowadays.

I would say my mum’s generation would all have children in their early 20s.

My generation (32) would have them late twenties.

And the generation after me are usually waiting until they are 30s.

That may be just the people I know but most of my early thirty friends are only now thinking about having children or have young ones.

At 36 I wouldn’t think twice about having a child if I wanted one and depending on my other DCs ages.

Exactly this. Please don’t let it put you off if you do want another child.

Posters on mumsnet get far more het up about older mothers than anyone I’ve met in real life, and that includes literally every healthcare professional I encountered as a pregnant 40 year old.

I WAS under the consultant - but that wouldn’t have happened at 36, I was told ‘advanced maternal age’ didn’t apply till 40 these days, they may just be in my area though. She wasn’t that fussed about my age though, there were a couple of other factors that would have led me to be under consultant anyway. FWIW my pregnancy was a breeze - birth not so much but i recovered fine and don’t feel like I’m any more tired or past it than your average mum of a crazy toddler.

I would agree more with your change in terminology that it is a normal age.

Yep, I was 37 with the first and 41 with the second. I remember being called geriatric at 37.

I had my sixth at 36 and was classed as a geriatric grand-multip. Was strangely proud of my label.

I don't think it's particularly young to have a baby but I had my 3rd at 38 and nobody mentioned my age. It was only through looking at my notes I saw that age was ticked as my only risk factor but nothing was said about it.

Where i live it would be average. Geriatric is 40+

I had my 2nd DC aged 42 and found it a lot easier than my first pregnancy (aged 33). At 42 I was fitter, thinner, richer and more confident about having a young baby and a career break. I was induced as a matter of routine, but the consultant said it was totally unnecessary. Age doesn't always correlate with risk.

What a silly statement. I know plenty of woman between the ages of 35-40 having kids. So no it's not last chance saloon.

If you ask such a question on here you’re going to get depressing stats thrown at you. Don’t obsess about age, who gives a shit what other women think. I know women that struggled to conceive in their 20s and went through IVF, and mums in their 40s who conceived naturally - conception is a miracle and it’s a mystery how it’s going to pan out. Good to know the risks I guess but I’m sure you’re not stupid and it’s shoved in our faces all the time… and on here again as you’ve asked about age. Eat healthily, exercise, don’t smoke, have another baby at 36 if you can/want to 😉

Older for a first, definitely not particularly old for subsequent children.

This.

I agree OP it's not a helpful term as whilst it's a medical term it's loaded with negative connotations in more general use.

Average age in the UK for a 3rd is 32 but that will have a wide spread in it of those who were younger mums and those who waited.

You're right that in some areas and 'types' of people it's very normal. In my area of London, with lots of professionals, 36 was pretty normal for a first child never mind 3rd.