Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

You're fine, OP. I had my first at 38, second at 41, a few miscarriages in between but fell pregnant quickly, straightforward pregnancies, births were great. I had a few complications afterwards but that wasn't an age thing.

If this is your third and you know you can conceive I'd say 36 is more than fine, so don't be put off!

And I think the age people at which people are having babies is increasing - especially with the push to stay in education longer and with more women wanting financial independence and their own careers too. Most people I know had their first babies mid to late 30s, a couple in their early 30s and a few in their 40s.

Not young, not old.

But god, I’ve just turned 37 and the idea of a baby at my age makes me want to stitch myself up! I started young, eldest is 18 and youngest is 10.

No, she's right. Contraception wasn't widely and reliably available until the '60s. Before then, women had babies until their bodies wouldn't let them anymore. Contraception allowed women to have a few children in their early 20s, then stop having them. However, this has never been the 'norm'.

Think back to the Victorian period when women would have ten or eleven children. They weren't all born before the mother was 28...

Did she say that in another post? It certainly wasn't unusual pre the contraceptive revolution to have babies into your forties, although yes it would be to start in your thirties. By the late 60s-70s women were taking the pill so would presumably be limiting their families later on.

Would have been thought 'old' once, but then again, in the days of large families (I'm in Ireland) it was very common for a woman to have adult aged children and 'late ones', I remember loads of families like that up until the 80s.

I think it is okay to have a baby at 36/37 but just bear in mind that you could start going through perimenopause at 44-45 - when your youngest is still a demanding young child. Also what age are your parents/in laws - there is a huge difference between people in their 70s and their 80s - they may not be the same kind of grandparent figures your other kids had.

(Pre) menopause, caring for elderly relatives and young kids is not a fun combination, let's just say.

If women, like the op, start to believe that 36 is young to conceive then some women are going to have a shock. That is the time when fertility is on quite a decline. Biology matters.

I meant for the first child. The poster said that her grandparents had ALL their children in their late 30s and 40s and this was the ‘norm’ in the 1950s. This would be unusual. In the 50s, most women would have their first child in their early-mid 20s and then may have more in their 30s.

Not too old at all if that’s what you want to do! If I had my time again I wouldn’t even consider getting started until 36 :)

I read her post as saying it wasn't unusual in the 1950s for women in their late thirties and early forties to have babies.

I think it is a middle class delusion : 'I am slim. I run marathons and eat organic so I am invincible and I will push childbearing to the bottom of the pile below every other interesting life experience there is to be had out there.'

You aren't classed as an older mother at 36, age 40 I think you have a couple of extra appointments, but you wouldn't be referred to as a geriatric mother, you'd just have an extra tick on the risk factor thing they have in the green notes. I was 36 when I got pregnant and 37 when I gave birth to my 3rd child, I'd say I was the upper end of what I'd consider the ideal age to have a baby. I'm a very fit/healthy person and had 2 very easy pregnancies and births in my early 30s, my 3rd child was much harder on my body and the birth was awful. I'm not sure if this was age or the fact it was the 3rd time I was doing it. I did get pregnant 1st try with all my pregnancies (very lucky!!), fertility was never an issue even at 36, although I did miscarry at 9 weeks immediately before my 3rd child (4th pregnancy). I think my age might have had something to do with that.

You mentioned that it wasn’t unusual to be in your late 30s and 40s to start having children in the 1950s. That has to be incorrect.

I didn’t say to start having children. My mother had her first child in 1945, in her late 20s, having been parted from my father for most of the war. Between then and when I was born in 1953 she had two miscarriages, a still birth, a child who lived for two days, then me, then my two younger brothers.
Having a baby at 36 or older isn’t, and never was, unusual.

OP if you and your partner / husband want another child and are in a good position to have another don’t let other peoples opinions put you off! 36 isn’t elderly or incapable of looking after a young child, who cares what other people think, as long as the child is wanted and well cared for!

Oh I see what you mean. I read it as though her mum had a total of 3 children and she had them all in her late 30s and 40s😂

It's not young. It's going towards the high end of normal.

The average age of a first time mother in the UK is 31. That obviously includes lots of people who have unplanned babies when very young. In my antenatal group of 9 (all first time mums) the youngest was 32. I was a bit older. All mums I know from the school seem to be a similar age to me. So for a third baby, no it's not remotely old. For a thurd baby, I should imagine it'd be below the average age because of the gals between children after starting at an average of 31.

gaps!! and "third" not thurd. 🤣

Fair enough to have a baby at 36 (would you be nearly 37 by the time the birth came around). But do not underestimate the effect that perimenopause has on the body, and the timing of that combined with parenting teenagers for a number of years. I feel like I've aged 10 years since 47, and I'm still only 49. Not to mention supporting them financially.

Thankfully my eldest has just gone off to uni and my youngest is in 6th form so nearly out the other end.

I know someone who has just given birth to their first at 38 after fertility treatment. Dad is 50. I think they struggled to get pregnant for a number of years but don't know when they first started trying for kids. I'm sure that baby will be very loved but when I think of how exhausted I am now I do wonder how they will cope with a young child and sleepless nights in their 40s and 50s along with fulltime work. Not to mention being mistaken for granddad constantly at the school gates!

I think biologically speaking, the prime time to have a baby is probably 20. And as someone who had dc at 19, 24, 27 and 31 I can definitely say 19/24 was far far easier than at 31. The pregnancy was easier, I was more energetic to cope with the lack of sleep and running after toddlers and my body just pinged right back.
however, maturity levels and societal pressures would mean that is very much not advisable.
healthcare however, is based on biology and not social thinking, so yes 36 is geriatric when it comes to reproducing

By 36 you’re well on your way to middle age so I wouldn’t class it as young in terms of child bearing . It also means you’ll have a 10 year old at nearly 50 years old.

I’m probably late to the party but 28 used to be considered “geriatric”. It’s a biology thing, not a social thing. Fertility tends to generally go off a cliff avter 35 som36 is definitely not young biologically

i had my first at 33 and I did not feel old!! I really don’t think 36 is ‘old’ for a first let alone a third. My sister is 35 and trying for her first now. Ok, it’s not ‘young’ but I would definitely class it as within ‘normal’ age range.

but why go for a third op?!

I do love the school gates though my DD is 9 and most look quite old!! People are shocked when I tell them I have a 9 year old X🤣🤣 Does wonders for the self esteem DD also says to me I like having a young mum and not a granny mum. I also feel I can relate to and empathise with DD more as school days are still very fresh in my memory. If I have a very long life I will get to be with my DD for longer.. There's positive and negatives for all ages.
The negative for me is I had to start my career properly later on. I've only had 1 child because juggling career and more than 1 DC was too much. We have a nice lifestyle 9 years down the line and a very good income. Positives and negatives to both.

I had my third at 36. It was no more tiring or harder than it was with my other 2. It’s completely normal to have kids at school when you are 50 and equally I have no issues managing peri menopause and 3 kids, I feel perfectly young and nobody even batted an eyelid at me being pregnant at 36. Thinking of the age of friends when they had their last child, off the top of my head - my closest friends were 37, 38, 36, 39, 38, 36.