Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

People are sooo opinionated about food and babies. My grandmother told me I was clearly starving my first because I breastfed her so often whilst simultaneously telling me she was too fat. I was very set on baby led weaning for both of mine. My first was weaned on dal and all kind of things. She is now quite a plain eater. My second (age 2) wasn’t fussed about feeding herself and also turned out to have severe allergies to a lot of foods, and still does. She lived off Ella’s pouches for a while and those rice biscuits that melt in their mouths as for a while they were the only things we knew were safe. Now her favourite foods are asparagus, chicken and tofu and and she won’t eat potatoes unless they are covered in chillies.

Check. It also tastes of whatever you had for breackfast, lunch or dinner... Baby already knows the taste of ice cream, chocolate and asparagus...🙄

Man. Maybe be a tad jovial & lighten it up with her, she's a new mum & has no idea what is about to come her way. We all had ideals we wanted before our children told us what they actually needed. Also, I wouldn't worry about your feeding styles, really truly. Food can be a really negative reinforcer if you aren't gentle with your approach. I has 3 DS aged 4,2 & 7m. They've all weaned differently, and we're currently very slow in the weaning game with 7m old because of being preemie. He has tried ready made purée & home made purée, he's tried baby led weaning & still prefers a fruit purée & a bottle. My 4y/o is fussy of his own doing, and we don't push (chooses cucumber over chocolate!) which keeps a healthy relationship with food. All my waffling, my point is, children eat when they're hungry & as long as everything is balanced & in moderation, they will create their own likes & dislikes, hopefully nurturing a good balanced & healthy relationship with food. Nothing worse than weaponising foods & seeing the aftermath. We (hopefully) try our best to keep food neutral.

Your friend will definitely look back and regret all the preachiness. If she's only offering veggies to her little one then it's not even BLW. BLW is about offering balanced family meals and giving babies full control of what they want including fruit. I would be tempted to tell her that you feed your wee ones Coco pops for breakfast, followed up by Happy Meals and milkshakes.

Mum with PFB who just started this journey...smile and nod....in about two years you both be at McDonald's. You both doing great. X

Hahahaha that was going to be my approach until my baby basically told me where to go and wouldn't eat anything so I went the baby rice, no baby led stuff at all. She sounds judgy and actually seriously annoying. Ditch her.

My first started with organic carrots. My second's first meal was my ice cream on holiday. The second prefers savoury foods, the first would be a sugar monster if it was up to her.
A

Who cares, do what you like and she can do what she likes. If you enjoy her friendship - great, otherwise ditch her.

I thought this too. Much more accurate haha

Wow. She has a LOT of strong opinions and clearly isn't afraid to shove them down your throat share them. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

If you like her generally then just keep off these subjects. But if she's all about baby behaviour chat judgments, then do you really want to spend time with her?

DIL did BLW, grandchild ate very well, ate pretty much everything. Now aged three will only basically eat tomato pasta and yogurt.

@youngwildandni I follow a similar approach and it does work. Same with screens etc. I don't make a battleground and everyone is relaxed. Co incidentally mine are actually great eaters as it happens but the biscuits aren't banned.

Don’t worry, in a couple of years her kids will be eating rubbish like the rest of them. Just remember It is the easiest thing in the role to parent other people’s children!

I honestly can't believe that even though weaning advice has been 'don't rush to mush' for over 15 years there are still people spooning purée into babies mouths.

It's unnecessary, it messes with appetite control and actually increases the risk or constipation and choking.

Just give your baby finger foods, it's simpler, easier and better for their development. Baby led weaning isn't a fad or a hippy PFB thing, and all these 'I spoon fed my baby and they are fine' enabling replies are just reassuring themselves it was ok by encouraging you to do it.

www.nhs.uk/start4life/weaning/

Although my teen girls and their friends have come full circle and are now very into healthy clean eating salads etc so maybe things are looking up for the younger generation breaking the obese/ junk food cycle.

Yeah I did the finger food thing too in mid 2000s you were not supposed to do purées and spoon feeding I was advised anyway

Wow. How judgmental. Let parents parent what way fits their baby best. I've done it differently for each of my boys. Each of them have been happy fed and content. The baby I did BLW with is the fussiest eater. The baby I puréed with eats anything and everything in sight. The baby who's combined hasn't decided which he enjoys most yet. Your post isn't supportive & is actually a really hurtful narrative for parents who have and are trying their best. There are no one size fits all answers for children and how they are raised & how parents choose to parent. Every single child is different, responds differently & requires different needs.

This was in response to @MarvellousMonsters comment. Unsure why it didn't quote them.

Completely agree with this approach.

Yes it’s recommended now to just give veggies as ‘starter’ tastes for the first 2 weeks & to focus on veg and limit sweet tasting fruit. I still gave fruit including apples but sour varieties. It’s to expand their palettes.

Amongst my friends we did everything from baby led weaning (only it wasn't called that then) to purees, one did no sweets til 3, others were more relaxed, some were vegan, some allowed take aways and McD, some didnt.

The results were mixed when they were kids and not always what you'd expect. Some had allergies, the kids w autism ate a wide variety of foods, blw mum's dd developed AFRID and spent 8 years eating only chips, plain rice, oranges and chocolate buttons.

The thing is, it all worked out the same in the end. Now they're older teens/young adults you really couldn't say that any of it made a difference.

My DS is 3 too - & babyled with veg only starters / limit fruit was def advised by my hv.

Yeah sure. I was advised the same, but chose to do it the way that worked best for us. Whatever works.

Just ignore her- when her DD is a teenager and downing Vodka and McDonalds you can have the last laugh.

Tell her she should document herself. It's different in every timeframe, in every place on earth, in every tradition. And still, most people grow up safe and sound. Mine started on solids at very young age due to severe reflux. We started with (in that order) mashed fruits, then vegetables and potatoes/rice/pasta, later a bit of poultry/meat/fish. This was Belgium, 1985. Both my children are healthy adults with healthy children of their own.