Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

Thought I'd cracked things with my first who as a toddler would turn down biscuits, sweets and chocolate for fruit and veg. My second would eat vegetables but refused to eat any fruit except blueberries (and grandads banana which could only come from the banana my dad was actually eating and no other banana was acceptable 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣) but at the toddler groups he would would start asking for biscuits the moment we walked through the door. He was weaned on pretty healthy food, mostly veg and meat due to his refusal of fruit (although did grab a massive handful of my chocolate birthday cake and stuff it in his mouth when he was 6 months 🤣)
Breast milk is the sweetest thing ever so I don't think I'd if had much luck avoiding sweet tastes 🤣

She sounds like a first time mum who’s read all the books… Stay friends with her and wait for the moment at a child’s birthday party when her child is the one piling the mountain high with the cakes and the biscuits and that it the moment you make your comment 😂

I think I’m going to get in trouble on here for this, but my dd (5) has some form of chocolate or biscuit or ice cream every day. I did blw, and I started with a variety of veggies and fruits. She’s always LOVED fruit, but then I craved it when pregnant and ate loads of it so I think that maybe some of the reason why. Now, she eats healthy balanced meals most of the time. She also has pizza, oven chips and fish fingers some of the time. She has fruit and vegetables every day and usually something like a small packet of chocolate buttons or a small Milky Way or a biscuit each day too. She is a healthy weight, fit and active and she has excellent teeth (as confirmed by regular check ups at the dentist and medicals at the doctors).

My personal view (I’m not trying to convince anyone this is right, nor am I interested in being told how wrong this is) is that if the child has access to all kinds of foods, then hopefully nothing will be seen as a ‘treat’ or something that has to be eaten while it’s there. So for example, if my daughter is offered fruit, veggie sticks and cookies as a snack, she genuinely chooses the fruit or veggie sticks as often as she would choose the cookies. Within reason, nothing is really off limits. Now, my DS is 18 months old, so time will tell if this approach works with him or not!

My point is, everyone does things differently. There will be posters here who are utterly horrified by the first line here and others who probably do the same thing. As parents we do what we think is best for our kids and so should you - ignore what your friend is saying!

Try not to let it bother you.

Just remind her of this in a few years time when she is force feeding her kids haribo in the car to shut them up 😅

Let's hope the baby has read the same weaning book and gets on board.

I would really not have the patience to be friends with someone like that, especially second time around. Give it a year and if your still friends with her, remind of her words when her child is eating Mcdonalds fries off the floor 😀

That's the problem with new mums. You get a baby for a whole of 6 months and suddenly you're an expert 🤣.
Many of us been there, done that and then went and ate the humble pie.
Don't worry, she has the best intentions for her baby and that's admirable as we all did at some point.
But please don't get yourself worked up by her comments , she ain't no expert, she's just another mum trying to find her feet in this parenting thing.
You do you and show her you're confident with how you raise your children. Teach her that her way may not be wrong but neither is yours. We all have different approach to these things and there is rarely a wrong way.

OP she’s a first time mum and she’ll learn. You’ll find, when you get into weaning your second, that you’re far more relaxed and confident.

My first - I did mixture of blw and spoon feeding. Tried to cook everything from scratch. Sweet stuff severely limited. Mealtimes became a battleground as he refused everything. Now he’s four and is such a fussy eater. Nothing green whatever I do. Only veg is potatoes. Will eat some fruit but that’s about it. Otherwise all beige.

My second - literally didn’t give it any thought as found looking after two totally overwhelming. Was totally weaned on blw as I didn’t have time to spoon feed or cook any purées. Bits of toast and banana were pretty much the standard meal. She’s now one and a half. Result? Eats EVERYTHING. Even ate some kale the other day.

If you’re relaxed then they’re relaxed.

She'd hate me, OP! My daughter's first food was an Oreo cookie at five months old! She grabbed it straight out of DH's hand and shoved it in her face! DH was stunned and then we both pissed ourselves with laughter. I ended up taking a photo before fully removing the offending cookie from her reach!
Meh! She bloody loves a carrot now!

I'm a few years she will realise she was being a dick

But she can think it all she likes, the saying it out loud is the rude part I'd distance myself from her. Or give my baby a wotsit in front of her next time hahaha

Adding to my post-it never ends btw. There’s always someone like this at every stage who’s doing it better than everyone else (e.g. child will never touch technology is the one ive heard at school). Wonder how that worked out for them? 🤔 You have to learn to ignore, dont even give the comments a second thought and parent your way.

@youngwildandni - I have 13 yr old twins (DD and DS). I follow a very similar approach to you. I don't ration their access to junk snacks nor do I enforce limits on how much they can have.

It works remarkably well for us. Both DD and DS will leave a chocolate bar half-eaten if they feel as if they've had enough. They eat well at dinner, and they eat plenty of fruit. Some days they enjoy a sweet treat, other times they're not interested. DD will only eat pudding/dessert about once every couple of months or so. She's just not fussed about it.

They've got a far healthier attitude to snacking than I have! And I am absolutely convinced that it's because there's no "forbidden" element to having sweets etc. It's just another type of food in this house, and no big deal.

Like you, I appreciate this will be frowned on by some, but this approach has been a resounding success here. Both of my DC are also autistic and can get anxious with limits/running out etc. Removing that anxiety has reduced the compulsion to hoard or overeat because they know it's always available in the cupboard and there's no restriction if they want it.

Just remind yourself that some friends can be a little bit intense. She's not judging you, she's just a bit insecure in trusting her baby to eat normally. And hers is quite a controlling attitude for so-called baby-led weaning? She needs a more laid back friend like you to get some perspective!

She sounds pretty focused on fatness and sugar as an evil. Does she have disordered eating herself?

Anyone who thinks you shouldn’t give a baby anything sweet has never tasted breast milk……

😂 you know in 5 years time her child will be eating cold McDonald’s fries off the floor of the car!!! (Hopefully her car!)

or her child will be the one in 5 years time that eats a very limited beige array of food.

she sounds like her mind is made up and she’s doing it her way. That’s fine. She’ll soon discover that little person also has a mind of their own!

I think if you never teach children about moderation you run greater risks of them being addicted to all sorts of substances in rebellion against you.

my children never had jar/packet baby food. We did fruit and veg & quickly moved onto blended meals.
have you ever tasted ALOT of veg blended on their own? They are REVOLTING!!! They need some flavour, different style of cooking or combining with other veg to hide/compliment the flavours.
I never fed my children anything I couldn’t get past my own gag reflex!
banana is the easiest baby food ever ….. more fool her!

Hi OP

i can remember steaming and peeling celery for my pfb and being horrified that my MIL actually took her to McDonalds for the first when she was 2 😂😂😂 it made no difference whatsoever. She (and psb) are both very picky eaters (now 16 and 12) and there have been days when I’ve been glad they’ve eaten pizza and counted the tomato sauce as 1 of the 5 a day 😂😂. Honestly, they are both strapping teenagers and all fed none dead is a popular saying for a reason.

Enjoy your babies, don’t worry too much about whatever anyone else is saying and doing.

Smile, nod and ignore. You sound normal. That's exactly how I weaned both of mine.

She is a first time mum so has no idea about older children. No point trying to explain it to her. She’ll find out.

She’s in the zone - in years to come when her PFB is chugging energy drinks (with or without vodka) and existing entirely on a diet of chicken nuggets she’ll be embarrassed, so in the meantime rise above it.

I did everything "by the book" with my PFB. At 16 she is still incredibly fussy and would (does) eat mostly beige freezer food a very limited variety of food now despite much encouragment/cajoling when a baby/toddler/young child.
With DS I was slightly more relaxed. He eats most things except cakes or sweets.

Did she actually say that?

The first solids my first baby had was a chocolate finger biscuit at 3 months old, fed to her by the midwife who was running the creche while I was at a pelvic floor class (funded by the NHS back in those days). I had had all these lofty ideas about weaning her onto kale by amount 9 months and was a bit horrified, but actually that gesture did me the world of good!

Like to see how long it lasts. My SIL did this with baby no 1, it didn’t last long once he realised other people were eating nice sweet food in front of him.

First baby, did not try yet, watch her die on this hill with sheer satisfaction, if you have time for that. You did it. It's your second time round, you can always have a better plan but it will be your plan not one from "rookie on the block I know it all from books but never experienced it really."

She’s clearly an optimistic first time mom who wants to do everything how we ‘should’ and how all the books say. She will realise soon enough there are more important things to worry about and if your child is healthy and eating well, who cares what they eat? Im definitely guilty of thinking like that before although only for my own child and no judgement to others whatsoever. And 1 year in, my baby definitely has the odd chocolate!!!!