Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

It’s now recognised as an eating disorder which is mental illnesses.so often isn’t about the food itself but emotional health.

We had to wean dd (now 2) at 4 months for medical reasons.

The paediatrician started to tell us not to worry, that it was fine, it wouldn’t harm her but then stopped and looked at her notes and said “oh, hang on, your eldest is 18? Just do what you did back then!” 😆

She's on the fence about sending kid to nursery because is worried about all the disgusting food they give children there and doesn't want child to get fat from there.

Oh mate. She definitely sounds like she's got issues. Whether it's anxiety or just "PFB syndrome" or whatever, I don't know... but please do not feel judged by this woman. She's probably just projecting her own anxieties. I predict she's going to need a good friend in a few years' time when she realises how little control she has over her child...

You just carry on modelling the "sensible but relaxed" parenting style it sounds like you've been doing, and maybe some of your attitude might rub off on her. But don't let her negative comments get to you, she's probably going to cause herself way more difficulties than anything else.

This is exactly what I came to say. She’ll learn 😂

See how she gets on, my twins are horrendous fussy eaters and they are 8 ! I had great ideas but unfortunately kids can have other ideas!

I was a 70/s baby. Her head would explode if she knew what I and many other baby's were weaned on 🤣 Anyway I'm a very healthy eater now and all 3 of my girls all weaned differently and are great eaters. She's researching and doing what she feels best but yes the comments are annoying. If you want to keep friends just smile and say how great it is we are all different 😂

OP please take no notice of this woman she is being ridiculous. I ended up distancing myself from a baby group I was on when this shite started up. I was weaning my third DC so fairly relaxed about things and some of the pfb carry on drove me nuts .

Ha - she'll look back in a couple of years and feel so foolish! I'd just smile and say okay.

THIS IS VITAL!! If she is really going to have her DC try all the vegetables first, PLEASE make sure she has done all the most obscure ones too :) keep naming them! Every day! Be sure to check in the most worried tones, has she fed them oca, nopales, Okinawan Purple Sweet Potato, taro root, dulse?!

If she backs down on this, say well you would never change parenting styles like that. Be sure to tut very loudly.

I agree with this.

People act like it's impossible to raise kids to have good eating habits and use that as an excuse to not even try.

I saw a little baby eating a Kit Kat today. Just absurd. There's no need for it at all.

She sounds a bit tedious.

Love the silver spoon how cute!

I knew a parent who never let her kid have sweet treats. The child never learned self control and was obsessed with sweets. I think your friend will look back and be embarrassed. It’s beer easy to know everything when it’s all theoretical

It’s a societally condoned benevolent child neglect by people who should know better, but would rather not think about it.

There's quite a lot of middle ground between never allowing a kid any sweet treats and giving ice cream to a three year old. A three year old should not even know that they ‘love ice cream so much’.

The people with limited self control and good issues are the people who never learnt about healthy balanced diets, self control and just about food generally from the outset. Possibly because their parents have/had no idea about said things themselves.

Yes!!!

There's quite a lot of middle ground between never allowing a kid any sweet treats and giving ice cream to a three year old. A three year old should not even know that they ‘love ice cream so much’.

Er.... what? Why is ice cream in particular so terrible, but occasional sweets are fine? If anything, ice cream is more nutritious than sweets or chocolate as the primary ingredient is milk.

Maybe just agree with her, and say “I thought like that when my oldest was 3 months old as well” and smile patronisingly 🤷‍♀️😂

OP, when mine were small there was none of this 'baby-led weaning' stuff. I did exactly what you did - baby rice mixed with fruit and veg purees to start, moving on to small finger bits DSs could feed themselves with, and then by about a year old, unseasoned/smoother versions of mostly what we were eating.

The one thing I was sure I wanted to try was cooking all my baby food myself, rather than relying on Heinz tins (which was pretty much all there was back in the days before the huge range of prepared baby foods there are now!). The one item I couldn't get smooth enough at home was apple puree, so I did buy a couple of tins of that right at the start, but the rest was all batch-cooked for lunches and dinners from Anabel Karmel's very first book (yes, I'm that old!!!).

And if it's any consolation, OP, eldest is mid-20s now, doesn't really like chips, abhors baked beans, tolerates a burger to be polite, but really prefers loves things like a good roast dinner with as many veggies as I can fit on the plate, and even asks for 'something and salad' on a regular basis in the summer! Younger DS is a bit more adventurous with flavours (loves a good curry!) but has an equally balanced approach to what he chooses to eat.

So, you do you, OP - your judgemental 'friend' can do whatever she likes... but I'm betting in a few months time she'll be hoping you don't remember her preaching at you now when it doesn't go as smoothly as she thought it would for her! 😅(And you'll be far too kind to say anything!)

Its insecurity tbh, as a Mum of 3 I'm so relaxed about things I am horizontal. I couldn't give a toss if someone judged my parenting but with my first, I was obsessed with getting it right because I didn't have a clue what I was doing. When PFB mums start with me now, I laugh and say yeah ok, mine have all survived unscathed and leave it at that.

Urgh true- DS rides around on a vintage Harley- never thought he’d be into motorbikes..

I had these wonderful ideas when DS was a baby (not PFB but 10 year gap between the two) and swore he would eat a healthy diet and not be given junk food or sweets.

Popped in work one day (newsagents) and had him with me in his pram, he was about six months old, went to the toilet and came back to find my colleague had stuck a Fry's Turkish Delight in his mouth and he was frantically sucking the chocolate off. She said it was cruel not letting him have sweets and felt sorry for him 😐

I never judged others on their choices though.

Exactly the reason I attended a grand total of ONE baby group with three children. Tedious.

She’s been a mum for six months and thinks she knows it all. Ignore her.

I have three -
15DS - eats beige, only veg is carrots
4DS - would choose sprouts for breakfast, always eats veg first.
7m DS - weaning a mix of purées and baby led (bit lazy with it this time, still has mostly milk these days) but seems to like anything.

This friend will learn.

She’s definitely being a bit ridiculous. My DD, now 13, was weaned and brought up on really healthy food. She loved veggies, I used to batch cook homemade super healthy baby and toddler food for her, which she was still having when she went to the childminders. Now at 13, she pretty much hates most veggies and it’s a constant struggle to get her to make any healthy choices. She’s become fussier as she’s grown up. I’m hoping she’ll grow out of it as an adult. No one knows what the future holds with kids because no child is the same.