To ask what you think of shy colleagues at work?

[shessoquiet]

I'm really shy, I can't help it and I try my absolute hardest to speak up more, but often times in certain work settings (like brain storms where we all are expected to just jump in and start saying ideas), I feel mute.

I often leave work feeling defeated, embarrassed and guilty. I'm a hard worker, but my shyness really lets me down.

If you have a shy colleague, AIBU to ask what you think about them? Please be honest, don't worry about offending me

I had a shy colleague and most people thought them rude - however on a one to one bases they were quite friendly and kind.

I much prefer to have thinking time for these projects -

I’d think nothing if it. Everyone’s different. If I was your manager I’d be looking at ways to make you feel more comfortable to raise any ideas you may have

As long as they do their work and pull their weight, I don’t really care.

I don't think quieter/shy people are rude. Often quite the reverse.

You are you OP. Be you. Get your work done. Be nice. Time usually beams down eventually on lazy, noisy so and so's who gossip and make trouble. Bide your time, watch and listen. There is nothing wrong with keeping your own council and having the measure of everyone before you wade in.

As long as they do there role and are good at it, then that's all that matters

I am shy and very reserved - probably come across as aloof, standoffish and a snob to my colleagues, but I have learned not to care! I have absolutely no desire to engage in the 'banter', stupidity and nonsense from work colleagues - they are precisely that and not people I wish to be friends with. My philosophy now is that my standard of work speaks for me and I don't need to make a lot of noise or be centre of attention in order to make my prescence felt

I’m shy in social situations but less so at work. I find that shy colleagues I’ve had have been harder working and generally more likeable than the loud ones

I am shy. Less than 24 hours into one job, I had a complaint that I was not joining in the banter in the rest room. Said banter was about sex.
The job was cleaning in a hospital.

We get a high rotation of trainees. One of my recent favourites was a really shy trainee. She was just nice. She said hello, laughed a bit at some jokes and could hold eye contact when saying good night or whatever. But never really came forward with her views and was obviously shy. Her written work was fine.

At end of her time on our team I thought ‘Oh damn Sarah is leaving, there is no way the next person will be as calm and ungossipy etc’. Even though lots of the trainees are more fun, quiet colleagues are a good fit for my team.

If you said nothing in a brainstorming session this wouldn't bother me IF you contributed to the next stage of the project, delivered your work to a high standard and on time and offered to do your fair share in other ways if you don't ever generate ideas, solutions or solve issues (or appear not to anyway). It wouldn't be the shyness that would be an issue.

I don't mind if colleagues have no desire to chat. It's those who are effectively mute AND need spoon feeding to do their job I find annoying.

Those with no ability to speak up/ask for clarity/problem solve without sending huge emails because they are too socially awkward to just have a quick conversation do irritate me too at times.

I really like the shy members of my team as they tend to be more thoughtful and reliable than the loud mouths!

It depends how big the team is.

At my workplace I work closely with only one other person and she's quite shy. Not painfully so but she's quite timid and a bit too polite for my liking. It can feel a bit fun-zapping.

But in a larger team it's less important I think.

I'd rather shy than annoyingly loud though.

I’m naturally really shy and have been told I come across as stuck up which couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t like small talk and I don’t feel the need or inclination to be loud. I work with really lovely colleagues though so I don’t feel shy at work and I always contribute in meetings. Are you quite new to the job/place OP? As long as your pulling your weight and your work is good sod what people think.

I think it depends on how the shyness comes across. I know people who are shy and it comes across as aloof stand off ish, cold I struggle with them but I like the ones that are sweet. I tried to find another word bcos sweet is a bit crap but I suppose that is how they come across.

if I know they are shy I feel protective over them and tend to think they are more likeable- at least to me

Better than being a loud mouth, disturbing everyone from doing their work all day long and talking crap. Worst thing about open plan offices, especially when you have a job where you need to concentrate.

I'm really shy too, and I would want the floor to open up if I was in that situation.

Rhe shy colleagues where I work come across as rude or thag they don't care

Shy and fab at your job and able to explain your work one-to-one…amazing, adore having you around. Occasionally wish you were less shy as you could be so much more senior without doing more work but if you’re happy then I’ll just be a vocal supporter.

Shy, apt to disappear, work unexplainable and sit there hoping I can explain it for you. Grrrrr…

Neither of which is really anything to do with shyness, come to think of it.

I don’t think you should worry about what other people think of you. That can often be the root of feeling self conscious and shy - overly worrying about other people’s opinions. What matters is if you’re living up to your full potential and doing the best you can at work. It sounds like social anxiety is really holding you back if you struggle to speak at work amongst colleagues.

To this day, I am mad that I even got hauled into the office for that reason.

Surely it depends on the nature of the job? I have zero interest in whether you engage in jolly banter on lunch breaks, but if your role involves coming up with ideas, arguing for them, confident ad-lib public speaking, and/or handling yourself in a cut-and-thrust environment, then whether or not you’re shy can’t be allowed to impact on your performance.

I like shy people and am happy when working with them.

I don't see why being shy is always seen as a negative trait. When in a room full of loud mouths (myself included) it sometimes seems like people are just talking over each other and it seems as though the room always needs to be filled with noise. It's good to get some balance

You say you are expected to jump in during meetings and feel like you're letting yourself down. Does this mean, that despite being a hard worker you're not fulfilling your role?
Have you ever had negative feedback from your manager?

In answer to your question, I don't mind shyness, but if it extends to not being able to say good morning or smile at the beginning of the day then it does come across as a bit aloof. I wonder if it's because the shy person worries that a hello is the start of a massive conversation. I feel the same with neighbours I've had over the years. Just a hello as we happen to be arriving home at the same time is polite, but sometimes people seem so shy or introvert they will do anything they can to avoid eye contact.

It's the over confident loud ones that are annoying, not shy people. I work with women who insist on fist pumping and hugging. I'd rather get on quietly with my work.