In thinking that my neighbour is being a bitch?

[Powersout]

Hi

I'm feeling so shaken up right now. We moved into a detached property about a year ago - both house and garden need A LOT of work, our priority is to get the house done first (intend to start next year) but will also do bits to the garden as and when we have the cash for the work to be done.

The garden boundaries are privet hedge in various states of repair - about one third of the hedge making up the boundary with our neighbours was actually falling down so we decided to pay for a gardener to remove it last summer (when we had the available funds for this). Now before we did so we approached our elderly neighbour (probs late 60s, lived alone but now has recently separated son living with her) to tell her - she wasn't very happy about it as was worried about her dogs getting out but she had already put up both chicken wire and picket fence on the other side of the hedge so reluctantly agreed. We explained to her that we wouldn't be able to replant the hedge until the autumn because that's when hedge planting should take place - again, she seemed unhappy about this but said 'OK'. We would never have left her without a boundary - if the chicken wire and picket fence wasn't there then we would have put up some boards to stop her dogs getting through.

At the same time as we had the hedge removed she also decided to have a big tree which was just the other side of the hedge cut down - she didnt tell us beforehand but came round afterwards to say that she couldn't afford to have the stump removed. The tree is definitely her side of the chicken wire (which she says denotes the boundary, she's been in her house years, we're not splitting hairs about that, it's fine) but as there's mo hedge there now it's clear that the stump leans over and a lot of the roots are her side of the boundary.

Fast forward to now and its time to get hedge planting. Except we can't because the exposed stumps massive roots are in the way.

My husband went round to see the neighbour 3 days ago to offer that we pay half the amount of stump removal - she said she hadn't got the money now (50% is £120) so my husband suggested that we get it removed, foot the bill and she can pay us back some time in the new year. She seemed open to it - he told her we'd talk to her again before doing it.

So today I walked past her drive on the way to picking up my daughter from school and she called me over. She said that she had talked to her partner (they don't live together, he doesn't own the property so no idea what he has to do with anything) and she's decided that she can't pay for the stump removal, so she wouldn't be contributing at all, ever. She was very blunt and off with me. I then suggested that we foot the entire bill to which she said 'and I'm not allowing access to my garden for them to dig it up'. She was so off with me, I tried to stay calm and advised her that without the stump removal it would be nigh on impossible to replant the hedge. She then went on a rant saying that we shouldn't have left her without a boundary - then to top it off said that the tree she arranged to have removed was actually ours because the roots are coming from our garden!! But she had it removed without even discussing it with us and now has made it impossible for us to remove it? She says she is going to plant some conifers along her side of the boundary. At which point I kindof lost it...

I honestly don't know what to do now. She is being a deliberately difficult old woman. I feel like we've been considerate at every step, we've hardly marched it to this property and started ripping it apart and causing her disruption.

Part of me wants to say 'fuck you', tear the whole hedge down on that side and put up a 2 metre fence. What on earth should we do wise women of Mumsnet?! Does anyone know about the legal side of these boundary issues?

[Powersout]

I meant...

*a lot of the big roots are our side of the boundary

[Santagiveyoursackawash]

Just cut half way vertically (boundary) and leave half the stump on her land then build a 6 foot fence.

[changingroom]

You don't have to provide a physical boundary. She can put up a hedge if she wants to.

[Brigante9]

@Santagiveyoursackawash

Just cut half way vertically (boundary) and leave half the stump on her land then build a 6 foot fence.

This will actually work, our neighbour helped us chop tree roots using his chainsaw, it’s only a little thing, but worked a treat.

[rwalker]

you should be able to get roots chopped on boundary and leave her with the stump
there is no obligation to provide a hedge or boundary fence
you will never win so don’t waste your time trying to s appease her

[Powersout]

Don't we? I didn't know that. I mean we want one for our privacy etc. I did say to my husband that it's not our responsibility to keep her dogs from getting out. She acted like it was our responsibility.

She seems like such a vindictive witch.

[Nightynightnight]

Build a fence. Ignore.

[Keyansier]

You sound like quite hard work and like you're trying to start unnecessary drama for no reason.

[Santagiveyoursackawash]

If you wanted to be a cow get solid panels in the bits you can see her property and cheaper more open fence elsewhere. She will therefore have to spend money securing those areas to keep her ddogs in... And refuse her permission to attach anything to your fence..
She will have to pay to her own up..
Lesson being if she hadn't been a dick she could have benefited from your fence... Now though why should she?

[Saz12]

From her POV, you removed the hedge that she liked as it was. Your hedge, your choice. But it sounds like she didn’t want it to be removed in the first place, but realised she couldn’t stop you from doing so.

You now want her to allow access, and pay for, tree roots to be removed from her garden, so you can replant a hedge again. Im guessing that she doesn’t see why she should be paying for you to have what you want.

You also refer to her as elderly, grumpy old woman, etc. She’s barely retirement age and probably doesn’t much appreciate the ageism.

[Remaker]

You haven’t been THAT considerate though, have you? You’re doing this to your timeline, when it suits you. She wasn’t happy and you ploughed on anyway, pulling out the hedge because it was convenient for you even though you couldn’t replace it at the time.

She’s responding in kind, not putting herself out for your convenience.

By the way your entire post is ageist. Stop going on about her age, it’s irrelevant. As for ‘witch’ - unnecessary.

[OllytheCollie]

Don't start a conflict with neighbours unnecessarily. You don't really want to be in your garden trying to relax and have someone a few feet away feeling grumpy at you. As @Saz12 says from her POV it may look like you are the unreasonable one. It doesn't really matter. The big issue is do you really need to remove the stump from her land (and ask her to pay for it) to plant your hedge. If there's any way round that do that - if you can chainsaw through the roots on your land etc that's a much better solution. She can deal with the stump in her own time if she wants to.

[TheSpottedZebra]

Was the hedge yours alone, or was it shared?

[Powersout]

It was ours. On our boundary. Falling down into our garden.

[Tinkerbyebye]

If it’s your boundary I would just put up the highest fence I could and not replant

[user143677433]

You also refer to her as elderly, grumpy old woman, etc. She’s barely retirement age and probably doesn’t much appreciate the ageism.

This. You are being unreasonable just on that basis. I suspect you would be approaching things differently with her if she was in her 20s.

[Jellybean23]

Cutting the roots with a chain saw is a good idea. You don't have to remove all the roots or the stump.

Make peace with your neighbour and suggest banging numerous copper nails into the stump to kill it off (otherwise it will send up loads of shoots in the spring) and say you'll go ahead with providing a new boundary hedge. If you say you don't want to cause her further expense, that will hopefully pacify her and means you get a hedge of your choice, not hers.

The old soil will be depleted of nutrients so add plenty of manure and fertilizer when replanting.

Your neighbour is probably just as upset as you are over this so if you can patch things up, it will make everyone happier. I can see it from her point of view, she was probably happy as things were and you've upset the balance as far as she's concerned.

[Powersout]

Yes, I was being subconsciously ageist I guess. Unnecessarily nasty, I'm just so angry. When I've talked to her before she's always going on about herself and how her sons don't visit, her pension doesn't cover her dental bills etc so she acts very elderly despite not being so.

Irrelevant though, point taken.

[daisymade]

leave it. Make your own boundary how you wish and fuck her, don’t pay for her stump removing, taking anything her side of the boundary could bite you in the arse if it turns into a boundary dispute. I’m a surveyor, the worst thing you can do is works on land you don’t legally have right to.

[Powersout]

Thank you so much for your measured, calm response.

I probably do need to patch things up at some point. When I've calmed down. Interestingly the reason I told my husband to talk to her about it in the first place is that she's always seemed a bit 'off' with me but seems so much nicer to him.

[LivingOnAPrayerYes]

If you need to remove the stump to plant the hedge, how were you planning to plant it before she had the tree cut down?

[CourtneeLuv]

I'd tell her to go fuck herself. She doesn't get to dictate what you do with your boundary.

I'd cut the stump to the boundary, leaving hers on ger side to deal with then put in the biggest fence allowed. Ugly as fuck. And ugliest side facing her. Then plant a lovely hedge to cover it on your side 😂

Make sure you give her a lovely nice as pie smile every time you see her, from then on too.

[MrsMitford3]

I am appalled by your horrible descriptions -elderly woman in her 60's and calling her a witch.

I can't care about your hedge issues at all-you have come across so badly in this

[sentientpuddle]

'bitch. elderly neighbour probs late 60s. She is being a deliberately difficult old woman. She seems like such a vindictive witch.'

Ageist and misogynistic.
Describing the woman like this isn't doing you any favours,
and late 60s is not elderly. There are plenty of contributors to this site in their 60s.