In thinking that my neighbour is being a bitch?

[Powersout]

Hi

I'm feeling so shaken up right now. We moved into a detached property about a year ago - both house and garden need A LOT of work, our priority is to get the house done first (intend to start next year) but will also do bits to the garden as and when we have the cash for the work to be done.

The garden boundaries are privet hedge in various states of repair - about one third of the hedge making up the boundary with our neighbours was actually falling down so we decided to pay for a gardener to remove it last summer (when we had the available funds for this). Now before we did so we approached our elderly neighbour (probs late 60s, lived alone but now has recently separated son living with her) to tell her - she wasn't very happy about it as was worried about her dogs getting out but she had already put up both chicken wire and picket fence on the other side of the hedge so reluctantly agreed. We explained to her that we wouldn't be able to replant the hedge until the autumn because that's when hedge planting should take place - again, she seemed unhappy about this but said 'OK'. We would never have left her without a boundary - if the chicken wire and picket fence wasn't there then we would have put up some boards to stop her dogs getting through.

At the same time as we had the hedge removed she also decided to have a big tree which was just the other side of the hedge cut down - she didnt tell us beforehand but came round afterwards to say that she couldn't afford to have the stump removed. The tree is definitely her side of the chicken wire (which she says denotes the boundary, she's been in her house years, we're not splitting hairs about that, it's fine) but as there's mo hedge there now it's clear that the stump leans over and a lot of the roots are her side of the boundary.

Fast forward to now and its time to get hedge planting. Except we can't because the exposed stumps massive roots are in the way.

My husband went round to see the neighbour 3 days ago to offer that we pay half the amount of stump removal - she said she hadn't got the money now (50% is £120) so my husband suggested that we get it removed, foot the bill and she can pay us back some time in the new year. She seemed open to it - he told her we'd talk to her again before doing it.

So today I walked past her drive on the way to picking up my daughter from school and she called me over. She said that she had talked to her partner (they don't live together, he doesn't own the property so no idea what he has to do with anything) and she's decided that she can't pay for the stump removal, so she wouldn't be contributing at all, ever. She was very blunt and off with me. I then suggested that we foot the entire bill to which she said 'and I'm not allowing access to my garden for them to dig it up'. She was so off with me, I tried to stay calm and advised her that without the stump removal it would be nigh on impossible to replant the hedge. She then went on a rant saying that we shouldn't have left her without a boundary - then to top it off said that the tree she arranged to have removed was actually ours because the roots are coming from our garden!! But she had it removed without even discussing it with us and now has made it impossible for us to remove it? She says she is going to plant some conifers along her side of the boundary. At which point I kindof lost it...

I honestly don't know what to do now. She is being a deliberately difficult old woman. I feel like we've been considerate at every step, we've hardly marched it to this property and started ripping it apart and causing her disruption.

Part of me wants to say 'fuck you', tear the whole hedge down on that side and put up a 2 metre fence. What on earth should we do wise women of Mumsnet?! Does anyone know about the legal side of these boundary issues?

[foxlover47]

@GettinHyggeWithIt it's been deleted now , just as it was getting good 😅 was going to ask for a diagram of the floor plan

[Powersout]

@GettinHyggeWithIt

Well there’s another thread right now where 2 female neighbours have arranged themselves a fight for tomorrow and seems all the other neighbours pick a side - so there’s always that?

I could take her. She's obviously less fit than me...fact, not ageist. 😂

I'm really not ageist you know. I was just trying to set the scene. As inevitably if I hadn't put the age of the neighbour someone would be along to ask about her age, living arrangements etc. My Mum's in her 70s, super sharp, fit as a fiddle....but still 'elderly'.

[Theunamedcat]

If she is planting trees don't bother with the hedge I planted one a couple of years ago on one side its growing nicely the other side with the trees hardly anything I've literally planted a ski slope 😂 go for a fence

[saraclara]

@LivingOnAPrayerYes

If you need to remove the stump to plant the hedge, how were you planning to plant it before she had the tree cut down?

Now that's a good question.

[saraclara]

Yeah, I'm 67. So cheers for that, OP.

It's actually genuinely a bit shit that there are people out there who think I'm an 'old woman' or elderly. It really is.

I know you've come back and vaguely apologised, but still. Got to get that of my chest.

[Powersout]

@Keyansier

You sound like quite hard work and like you're trying to start unnecessary drama for no reason.

Hilarious. I avoid drama like the plague. So detrimental to my mental health.

[CourtneeLuv]

@PlainJaneSuperBrain99

Because they're expecting her to contribute towards the cost of putting it back up.

No she isn't, she's expecting her to move her tree stump that has encroached into her garden.

[Powersout]

@LivingOnAPrayerYes

If you need to remove the stump to plant the hedge, how were you planning to plant it before she had the tree cut down?

The way the tree was before being cut down it looked entirely on her side. But we removed the hedge a couple of days later and the stump kind of leans with roots growing up from our side.

[watcherintherye]

She is elderly, that’s a fact. Elderly is a term that covers people 65+

It’s not a fact, it’s a convention. Based largely on what used to be the retirement age for men, combined with life expectancy. It’s now hopelessly out of date as it may have escaped your notice that everyone’s pension age has risen, (to 66 and counting), along with life expectancy, and there are now nearly 1.5 million ‘elderly’ people in the UK workforce. How can you define someone as elderly, when they are still working? That’s just stupid.

[Powersout]

@watcherintherye

She is elderly, that’s a fact. Elderly is a term that covers people 65+

It’s not a fact, it’s a convention. Based largely on what used to be the retirement age for men, combined with life expectancy. It’s now hopelessly out of date as it may have escaped your notice that everyone’s pension age has risen, (to 66 and counting), along with life expectancy, and there are now nearly 1.5 million ‘elderly’ people in the UK workforce. How can you define someone as elderly, when they are still working? That’s just stupid.

It's almost like you're confusing elderly with infirm. Elderly means 'of age'. I woukd say that anyone over 65 is 'of age' yes.

[RosaCaramella]

i would tell her you’re going to put a 2m fence up, just out of politeness. She should appreciate that’ll keep her dogs safe and fences are much quicker to establish than hedges.
Be careful when you remove roots from the stump that it doesn’t make the stump unstable- not easy I know! Also think of putting a root barrier down to minimise honey fungus or other nasties coming through the soil from the stump. She may well plant conifers on her side to hide the fence - hopefully she won’t plant them too close to your fence or let them get too high.

It would all be easier if you could maintain a polite dialogue with her. I speak as someone who can hardly even utter a civil hello to my neighbour who is about 20 years older than me (and I’m in my mid 50s), after she destroyed my garden privacy and encroached onto my land with her extension works. Some people are inconsiderate and sneaky and that’s just a fact of life. I do get where you are coming from OP.

[WeAreOnTheRoadToNowhere]

I'd have more sympathy for you if you quit with the casual ageism

[Adeleskirts]

it always shocks me how much petty drama shit people create with their neighbours. You can easily habe the roots removed along the boundary and plant a hedge. This is all so unnecessary. You and your husband need to leave this poor woman alone now and just get on with your own shit. You don’t need to go into her garden, remove the stump or any other such bloody nonsense. Stop hassling her.

[CourtneeLuv]

Use the term geriatric for her op, thats factual 👍🏼

[Conkersareback]

Bitch is a sexist term
60s (assumed) is not elderly

What's the problem with her planting conifers in her garden? What made you lose the plot?

[NumberTheory]

I don’t really see why you’re angry with her. What is she doing that’s stopping you from doing what you want and are entitled to do with your garden?

Her grumpiness about you doing as you please to your garden isn’t great, but it’s not something worth getting angry over. Other than that, she doesn’t want to remove the stump on her side or pay for it. Which is fair enough. Doesn’t stop you removing what’s on your side. And if she isn’t having the stump removed on her side, why would you need access to her garden? Planting a hedge on your boundary can surely be done from your side.

Have I totally misunderstood what you want to do?

[HandlebarLadyTash]

Build a fence

[Confusion101]

When I've talked to her before she's always going on about herself and how her sons don't visit, her pension doesn't cover her dental bills etc so she acts very elderly despite not being so.

So talked about family, and complaining about dentist bills = elderly? OK I'm 30, I too am an elderly old woman!

Sort out your own side and leave what's in her garden to her! So many people have suggested a fence and you seem to be ignoring that. Maybe I missed it but is there a reason why?

[swedex]

Late 60s...elderly neighbour jeez my mum would have an absolute epi fit if she was described as elderly!! Yabu just for that description!

[Aprilx]

@Powersout

Don't we? I didn't know that. I mean we want one for our privacy etc. I did say to my husband that it's not our responsibility to keep her dogs from getting out. She acted like it was our responsibility.

She seems like such a vindictive witch.

Your reaction is really over the top and actually you seem pretty bossy and not at all considerate. In fact you sound vile. There is absolutely no need to call somebody such horrible names because they don’t want to give you access to their garden. And if she doesn’t want a tree stump removed that is her prerogative and she is allowed to talk to whomever she wants. You need to wd your neck in and stop being such a nasty person. By the way you know tree roots grow don’t you?

[girlmom21]

Are you saying the stump leans over the chicken wire and picket fence?

[firstbabyworries]

@Powersout this made me chuckle. Pretty much the same situation we have been going through the last few years.
I have had to do some research and from what I found you don't legally have to put up a physical boundary, however, advisable (we actually ended up putting a fence because I couldn't stand seeing their faces) if something from their garden overhangs or encroaches onto yours you can cut it down, however you have to return it to them. Apparently lopping down our neighbours branches and lobbing them over isn't the right thing to do but you get the gist! (I didn't actually get to do that but I wanted too! )
End result/ongoing hideousness, we had to send them letters rather than discussing as they then lied about what we had said and had to start documenting everything as they became threatening.
Try not to become enemies, it's exhausting!

[ittakes2]

I am not getting why you pulled down the hedge when you did - you could have just waited until it was the season to plant a new one. Wildlife would have lived in the old hedge - we have hedgehogs under ours.
Also she doesn’t have to pay to remove her stump so you can plant a new hedge. It’s on her land she can keep it if she wants - your offer to go halves is bizarre.
‘We need your stump gone to do something in our garden will loan you the money to get rid of it but you need to pay us back’.
You are also clearly ageist - insulting her because she is in her 60s. The president of the United States is in his 80s - what on earth does being in her 60s got to do with anything. You are trying to bully her into doing something she doesn’t want to do

[Whiskyvodka]

There's a lot of pp's on Mn who shouldn't have neighbours.
Seriously, make peace with your neighbour.

Have you ever even had a cup of tea with this woman?
Ask her round to look at the boundary and discuss options. You're going to be neighbours for a while fo you really want to carry on like this?