In thinking that my neighbour is being a bitch?

[Powersout]

Hi

I'm feeling so shaken up right now. We moved into a detached property about a year ago - both house and garden need A LOT of work, our priority is to get the house done first (intend to start next year) but will also do bits to the garden as and when we have the cash for the work to be done.

The garden boundaries are privet hedge in various states of repair - about one third of the hedge making up the boundary with our neighbours was actually falling down so we decided to pay for a gardener to remove it last summer (when we had the available funds for this). Now before we did so we approached our elderly neighbour (probs late 60s, lived alone but now has recently separated son living with her) to tell her - she wasn't very happy about it as was worried about her dogs getting out but she had already put up both chicken wire and picket fence on the other side of the hedge so reluctantly agreed. We explained to her that we wouldn't be able to replant the hedge until the autumn because that's when hedge planting should take place - again, she seemed unhappy about this but said 'OK'. We would never have left her without a boundary - if the chicken wire and picket fence wasn't there then we would have put up some boards to stop her dogs getting through.

At the same time as we had the hedge removed she also decided to have a big tree which was just the other side of the hedge cut down - she didnt tell us beforehand but came round afterwards to say that she couldn't afford to have the stump removed. The tree is definitely her side of the chicken wire (which she says denotes the boundary, she's been in her house years, we're not splitting hairs about that, it's fine) but as there's mo hedge there now it's clear that the stump leans over and a lot of the roots are her side of the boundary.

Fast forward to now and its time to get hedge planting. Except we can't because the exposed stumps massive roots are in the way.

My husband went round to see the neighbour 3 days ago to offer that we pay half the amount of stump removal - she said she hadn't got the money now (50% is £120) so my husband suggested that we get it removed, foot the bill and she can pay us back some time in the new year. She seemed open to it - he told her we'd talk to her again before doing it.

So today I walked past her drive on the way to picking up my daughter from school and she called me over. She said that she had talked to her partner (they don't live together, he doesn't own the property so no idea what he has to do with anything) and she's decided that she can't pay for the stump removal, so she wouldn't be contributing at all, ever. She was very blunt and off with me. I then suggested that we foot the entire bill to which she said 'and I'm not allowing access to my garden for them to dig it up'. She was so off with me, I tried to stay calm and advised her that without the stump removal it would be nigh on impossible to replant the hedge. She then went on a rant saying that we shouldn't have left her without a boundary - then to top it off said that the tree she arranged to have removed was actually ours because the roots are coming from our garden!! But she had it removed without even discussing it with us and now has made it impossible for us to remove it? She says she is going to plant some conifers along her side of the boundary. At which point I kindof lost it...

I honestly don't know what to do now. She is being a deliberately difficult old woman. I feel like we've been considerate at every step, we've hardly marched it to this property and started ripping it apart and causing her disruption.

Part of me wants to say 'fuck you', tear the whole hedge down on that side and put up a 2 metre fence. What on earth should we do wise women of Mumsnet?! Does anyone know about the legal side of these boundary issues?

[Seeingadistance]

@Keyansier

You sound like quite hard work and like you're trying to start unnecessary drama for no reason.

This.

[Aquamarine1029]

Put up the tallest fence you're allowed and ignore the fuck out of her.

[Chuntypops]

So you want her to pay to remove a stump in her own garden, so you can plant a hedge? Have I got that right?

[Hellybelly84]

Build a fence. Ive got great neighbours both sides but wouldn’t want anything other than a proper fence on both sides of our garden.

[HazelBite]

You would be mad to plant a hedge with remains of "stump" there as you will probably get Honey fungus there which could affect its growth. If your neighbours have dogs you would be well advised to get a good fence.

[MaryDerry]

What's that phrase... 6 of 1 l,half a dozen of the other.

[Netaporter]

@Powersout just so you know, (and I know from bitter experience) the red line on a title plan can be + or - 0.5m either way. So Definitely Do not assume the hedge was in the correct position in the first place as this could go terribly wrong if your neighbour claims it as their own and disputes where the boundary is… (I was in your position and ended up footing a legal bill that cost £000’s). At the moment and as annoying as the situation is, you may create a boundary dispute over what is currently a £120 cost. For the sake of being able to resell the house in the future I’d be trying to work out a way where everyone gets to save face and rub along. Anything in writing now will be disclosable when you come to sell…

[MelchiorsMistress]

She sounds like she’s gone a bit crazy with the whole things, but she’s not wrong to refuse to pay to have the tree stump removed. In her position I wouldn’t have wanted to find the money to pay for something my neighbour wanted either. But seeing as she seems to want a hedge there, she’s being ridiculous to deny access.

[Movinghouseatlast]

Late 60's really is not 'elderly'.

[Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1]

Elderly! 60’s!

[Overandunderit]

Build a fence. High as you can. Ignore her. Get on with your life.

[Overthegardenfence]

Even if you have the stump removed they won’t get rid of the roots so best thing to do would be to dig down on your side and just remove the roots that are in your way. I had to do it last autumn.

[GooglyEyeballs]

Fgs sake leave the old woman alone! If you need to do something on your property then just get on with it. No need to be knocking on the poor old lady's door demanding she get a stump removed and whatever. Just mind your own garden and let her get on with hers without you pestering her for stump removals.

[VanGoghsDog]

Just cut the roots that are on your side, and plant a hedge or put up a fence. I'm doing this with a council tree - well, my builder is. I have the right to cut the roots at my boundary (the roots are basically trespassing), the council is aware and the tree officer has been out twice to have a look.

You don't need to involve the council. But just chop off the trespassing roots your side!

[KatieMorag5]

You are completely right to be annoyed and don’t come across ‘ageist’ at all. She is elderly, that’s a fact. Elderly is a term that covers people 65+ so don’t feel bad about using it, even if others feel upset about it. She sounds like a nightmare and like she’s deliberately being difficult. I’d definitely build a big fence and then try to be as polite and civil as possible to avoid any future issues! The last thing you want is a neighbour who causes hassle.

[endofthelinefinally]

I agree with pp saying just slice the stump on your side, put up a solid fence, add trellis on top. Then plant jasmine, honeysuckle and clematis all along your side. Far less maintenance than a hedge.

[PlainJaneSuperBrain99]

You took the hedge down against her wishes. It is your hedge. Why are you expecting her to bankroll you? Especially when she's said she can't even afford, what i assume, is necessary dental work.

She might be being a bitch, but she's justified in doing so because you've caused her nothing but trouble and stress.

Pay for your own hedge and leave her alone.

[CourtneeLuv]

@PlainJaneSuperBrain99

You took the hedge down against her wishes. It is your hedge. Why are you expecting her to bankroll you? Especially when she's said she can't even afford, what i assume, is necessary dental work.

She might be being a bitch, but she's justified in doing so because you've caused her nothing but trouble and stress.

Pay for your own hedge and leave her alone.

How exactly has the op caused her trouble and stress? Op removed her own hedge.

If that affects keeping the neighbours dogs in, that's the neighbours problem, is it not? Not the op's.

She can pay for her own hedge on her own side if she wants one so badly.

[Flowersinspringgrowwild]

Op I don’t think you’ve put a foot wrong

she sounds horrible. Just make amends and get the hedge back up with the least amount of drama possible. Agree with pp re half the stump. Some people are just nasty and difficult.

[PlainJaneSuperBrain99]

@CourtneeLuv

How exactly has the op caused her trouble and stress? Op removed her own hedge.

If that affects keeping the neighbours dogs in, that's the neighbours problem, is it not? Not the op's.

She can pay for her own hedge on her own side if she wants one so badly.

Because they're expecting her to contribute towards the cost of putting it back up.

[GettinHyggeWithIt]

Well there’s another thread right now where 2 female neighbours have arranged themselves a fight for tomorrow and seems all the other neighbours pick a side - so there’s always that?

[Powersout]

@PlainJaneSuperBrain99

You took the hedge down against her wishes. It is your hedge. Why are you expecting her to bankroll you? Especially when she's said she can't even afford, what i assume, is necessary dental work.

She might be being a bitch, but she's justified in doing so because you've caused her nothing but trouble and stress.

Pay for your own hedge and leave her alone.

I'm not expecting her to bankroll us! She told us she couldn't afford to have the stump removed - we thought our offer might be helpful for all involved! We will pay for the bloody stump to be removed so both parties get a better deal out of it.
But as she won't allow us to remove it then she loses out really, we'll just have to cut the roots and plant hedge as best we can.

[ChiefPearlClutcher]

Just put up a proper wooden fence and plant a hedge in front of it. Wooden fencing does not need to cost the earth, the basic one from wickes is fine if you’re going to cover it in planting anyway. Good fences make good neighbours.

[HangerLaneGyratorySystem]

I'm an old witch in my 60s and I suggest you put up a fence, fuck the hedge business, just get a proper fence and that's the end of it.

[Powersout]

@PlainJaneSuperBrain99

Because they're expecting her to contribute towards the cost of putting it back up.

It was an offer - not an expectation. She has already said that she wanted the stump removed but couldn't afford it, she didn't have to accept our offer of going halves! And yes, she doesn't have to let anyone onto her property to have the stump removed but I thought there was such a thing as being helpful to your neighbours....