In thinking that my neighbour is being a bitch?

[Powersout]

Hi

I'm feeling so shaken up right now. We moved into a detached property about a year ago - both house and garden need A LOT of work, our priority is to get the house done first (intend to start next year) but will also do bits to the garden as and when we have the cash for the work to be done.

The garden boundaries are privet hedge in various states of repair - about one third of the hedge making up the boundary with our neighbours was actually falling down so we decided to pay for a gardener to remove it last summer (when we had the available funds for this). Now before we did so we approached our elderly neighbour (probs late 60s, lived alone but now has recently separated son living with her) to tell her - she wasn't very happy about it as was worried about her dogs getting out but she had already put up both chicken wire and picket fence on the other side of the hedge so reluctantly agreed. We explained to her that we wouldn't be able to replant the hedge until the autumn because that's when hedge planting should take place - again, she seemed unhappy about this but said 'OK'. We would never have left her without a boundary - if the chicken wire and picket fence wasn't there then we would have put up some boards to stop her dogs getting through.

At the same time as we had the hedge removed she also decided to have a big tree which was just the other side of the hedge cut down - she didnt tell us beforehand but came round afterwards to say that she couldn't afford to have the stump removed. The tree is definitely her side of the chicken wire (which she says denotes the boundary, she's been in her house years, we're not splitting hairs about that, it's fine) but as there's mo hedge there now it's clear that the stump leans over and a lot of the roots are her side of the boundary.

Fast forward to now and its time to get hedge planting. Except we can't because the exposed stumps massive roots are in the way.

My husband went round to see the neighbour 3 days ago to offer that we pay half the amount of stump removal - she said she hadn't got the money now (50% is £120) so my husband suggested that we get it removed, foot the bill and she can pay us back some time in the new year. She seemed open to it - he told her we'd talk to her again before doing it.

So today I walked past her drive on the way to picking up my daughter from school and she called me over. She said that she had talked to her partner (they don't live together, he doesn't own the property so no idea what he has to do with anything) and she's decided that she can't pay for the stump removal, so she wouldn't be contributing at all, ever. She was very blunt and off with me. I then suggested that we foot the entire bill to which she said 'and I'm not allowing access to my garden for them to dig it up'. She was so off with me, I tried to stay calm and advised her that without the stump removal it would be nigh on impossible to replant the hedge. She then went on a rant saying that we shouldn't have left her without a boundary - then to top it off said that the tree she arranged to have removed was actually ours because the roots are coming from our garden!! But she had it removed without even discussing it with us and now has made it impossible for us to remove it? She says she is going to plant some conifers along her side of the boundary. At which point I kindof lost it...

I honestly don't know what to do now. She is being a deliberately difficult old woman. I feel like we've been considerate at every step, we've hardly marched it to this property and started ripping it apart and causing her disruption.

Part of me wants to say 'fuck you', tear the whole hedge down on that side and put up a 2 metre fence. What on earth should we do wise women of Mumsnet?! Does anyone know about the legal side of these boundary issues?

[Abitofalark]

Name calling and ageist abuse seems unnecessary and isn't reflecting well on you. She was clearly affected and upset by the removal of the hedge, because I assume it left her feeling exposed, disrupted and vulnerable. I could understand why she would feel that and be resentful.

You can find information and advice about boundaries from knowledgeable people on Garden Law forum.

[TruthSeeker2023]

I would not bother getting the stump removed from HER garden if she won't pay for it - just get your DH to dig round it and cut the roots off that come over your side. Then put up a "MASSIVE" fence that shuts her and he "dogs" out.
Some people are just plain nasty - if the old bag has taken against you, you'll never be able to get round her. Some people just love holding grudges is all.

[autienotnaughty]

🧟‍♂️

[DreamTheMoors]

I’m 67. That’s not old unless you choose to be.

I swear some people hit 60 and think that entitles them to become rude & disrespectful & crotchety & out of sorts with everyone.

What a shite excuse.

I’m sorry you’re having issues with this woman, @Powersout— my guess is she’s always been awful.

[SavingsThreads]

@GettinHyggeWithIt

Well there’s another thread right now where 2 female neighbours have arranged themselves a fight for tomorrow and seems all the other neighbours pick a side - so there’s always that?

Oooo could you link please?

[Astrabees]

I suspect this will end in expensive court proceedings, you have been utterly unpleasant about your neighbour. I hope she is planning a thread on here herself, if you were in receipt of these unacceptable type of descriptions yourself you might realise how unacceptable it is.

[Daftasabroom]

@ChiefWiggumsBoy You're not obliged to provide a particular type of fencing or hedging. This may well be untrue, many property deeds do specify a particular type of fencing.

[ChiefWiggumsBoy]

Honestly I would just do exactly what you want to now - and if that is to just leave the chicken wire and picket fence then do that. You're not obliged to provide a particular type of fencing or hedging. She's obviously got a bee in her bonnet about being put out - even though it's her that's done it.

And it's definitely NOT your responsibility to keep her dog out! It's her responsibility to keep her dog in!

@limabeans oh come on, go and re-read the OP at least. This isn't what is happening at all.

[ButtonSister]

Late 60's is not "elderly" , didn't bother reading the rest of your post

[limabeans]

You removed the boundary hedge without putting in a new one. Then want her to wait until your timeline. Then you complain about her dogs going onto your property.

It's like you steamrolled over her just because she is old.

You can have years of misery living there so I suggest you go round with a fruit basket just to make the peace. It's better to have a nice neighbour than be at war with one.

[FamKeNekson]

@Santagiveyoursackawash

Just cut half way vertically (boundary) and leave half the stump on her land then build a 6 foot fence.

Do this

[Brightstarowl]

Your first mistake was asking her for money, the worst mistake was suggesting she "pay you back".

Very insulting and pushy IMO.

[forrestgreen]

You've not handled it well but...

The tree is hers if it was planted on her side
Get gardeners to use saws to cut vertically down through any roots and pull out your roots. Leave everything on her side.

[NKFell]

You seem to do everything to suit you and are upset that she isn't jumping at your generosity.

Going on about the fact she's a woman, her age and referring to her as a bitch and a witch...Eurgh I'm glad you don't live next door to me.

[Beautiful3]

I actually feel sorry for her. I'd be upset if there was no fence, because of the dog. I realise it was your hedge, but a heads up would have been nice. My dog bites, so I would have panicked alot. She cannot afford to get rid of the stump. It's alot of money for a pensioner (if she is one) the kindest thing to do would be to just pay for the removal, and put up the fence. Don't fall out over it, and say hello when you see her.

[AnImaginaryCat]

@Powersout

The way the tree was before being cut down it looked entirely on her side. But we removed the hedge a couple of days later and the stump kind of leans with roots growing up from our side.

To be honest she's done you a favour cutting the tree down, hasn't she. If the tree was still there you'd not be able to put up a hedge at all.

it was you're removal of the previous hedge that revealed a obstacles to youre plantting another hedge. It wasn't her that caused it.

Bonus is you can now you can offer to pay to remove it to so you can do what you wanted and plant a hedge. She doesn't shouldn't have to pay out for you to do something in your garden.

Go on ahead and put up a fence instead, that'll spite her.

Though i feel like I missing something. If you can't plant a hedge - which doesn't need roots along the entire border - how will you put down the base for a fence, which will need to be along the entire border? I mean, can't you plant the hedge around the roots? Growing hedges being easier to train than fences.

[badbaduncle]

Oh FFS "Witch" "Old"
Stop the misogyny. It's a boundary issue and I was full of sympathy but what the fuck does her age or sex have to do with it?

[ButterCrackers]

Get proper fencing and put it up on the limit of your boundary. Get this exact line checked and noted and a copy sent to the neighbour too.

[Bumzoo]

@swedex

Late 60s...elderly neighbour jeez my mum would have an absolute epi fit if she was described as elderly!! Yabu just for that description!

Epi fit is horrible too, that's not a nice term to use at all. My son has epilepsy and would find that pretty upsetting.

Not having a go, just telling you in case you weren't aware.

[queenMab99]

My next door neighbours had a 7ft fence built all the way down the garden, it entailed digging out most of the hedge between us, I have a lively dog, who would easily jump a 4ft fence, so I love the big chunky tall fence, which as they own the land behind my garden, goes across the bottom too. The other side is my responsibility, so I just replaced the panels with taller ones. The neighbours on that side have recently moved in, they have just had their garden refurbished, and had a summer house and garden bar installed, and asked if I would replace my fence with something smarter, I said they are welcome to improve it if they want, but I cannot afford to do it, and I just replace panels as needed after storms etc. It is dog proof and in reasonable condition. I am in my 70s and am probably considered a vindictive witch, as they don't really speak to me any more, as I have ruined their garden by not having a £3,000 fence installed to their specifications. (I was looking forward to the excitement of wild parties in the summer evenings, but they don't even sit outside drinking on their own, they just have loud sweary rows in the kitchen🤐)

[ImpartialMongoose]

This is a horrible post and the replies are appalling. Poor woman having you as a neighbour. You have put her dogs at risk and ahe doesn't have the money to sort it our herself and you don't give a shit because you legally don't have to: who cares, it's her problem, right?

[ReformedWaywardTeen]

I'd be going for a fence.

We had similar with a vile neighbour who has since moved out. She was a bully and thought as she lived there longer she was queen of both boundaries (as we found out she's been a cow to the other side as well).

She didn't want us to redo a rickety and frankly dangerous fence and brick wall, but would then rant at me and in my ear shot about how awful we were not fixing the existing rotten fence.

We then found out it was actually her side and should have been fixed by her, so my landlord sent her a letter explaining this and showing proof. She comes to my door absolutely losing it, shouting and screaming to the point I shut the door on her.

In the end, she went away on holiday and whilst she did, we took the old fence down which literally involved pushing it and it fell to bits, and put a big fence up.

She did moan about it and I said we had given her time and opportunity to do it, or to allow us and we had a right to a safe garden.

A year later she moved out and I've never been happier to see someone go.

[Motnight]

I don't think that you are a very nice neighbour, Op. You steam rollered your neighbour originally and you have tried to again, but this time she is not just going to agree with what you ask.

The aging sexist language is awful too.

[LemonBounce]

It's not worth falling out with your neighbours. Being angry clouds your judgement, you need to give yourself time to cool off before addressing the situation.
I think she's already been very flexible agreeing to have the hedge removed and down for so long. Now you trying to get her to pay some of the costs even though she can't afford it. There's a cost of living crisis, maybe she needs the money for something that's not paying for you to replace a hedge she was happy with in the first place!
I do think how you talk about sounds like you are unconsciously ageist and you are thinking about her as a grumpy old woman to try and belittle her views and feelings.

[Daftasabroom]

@Powersout most boundaries have an owner although some are shared. The owner may have a responsibility to maintain the boundary, I suggest you check your deads.