Friend dragged her dd by arm along floor

[Jennybeans401]

Visited a friend today and she seemed at the end of her wits with her dcs. Her dcs were home due to a teacher training day at school. Df seemed very stressed with both dcs who were playing and not being naughty.

Df was snapping at them most of the time. The youngest is 7 and at one point wouldn't share z toy with my dc. Df then grabbed her dd arm and dragged her along the floor into the hall and started shouting at her. I was a bit shocked as I'd not seen my df so angry.

I've spoken to df about the dcs coming to my house to give her a break but she said there was no need. I was thinking of mentioning to her dh that she seems very stressed though AIBU?

That's called child abuse OP. How would you feel if he grabbed your friend by the arm and dragged her across the floor then started screaming? You'd be calling the police. My son can be very testing but I would never do what you witnessed. I don't know what thd answer is, but if he's happy to do this in front of guests, God knows what he does behind closed doors.

It was her friend who did it?

Sorry I read DF as DH for some reason but same applies regardless!

It’s the mum who’s done this elephant not the DH.

Honestly if this is a one off I’d keep your beak out. If it happens again I’d say something to her. None of this passive aggressive offering to give her a break bollocks, tell her it’s not ok.

I know I read DF as DH or dear father (not sure which - my brain clearly isn't working tonight!).

I know I read the post wrong.

I was round at a friends once and her dd (7) threw the cat downstairs. Friend dragged her daughter to the top of the stairs and then threw her down them. I reported her to social services and we never spoke again.

The daughter is now 22 and is NC with the mother (I know as my DC is friends with her)

She may be at breaking point which isn’t good. I’d like to point out if she’s happy to do that in front of you and doesn’t seem embarrassed by her behaviour I’d hate to think what could be happening behind closed doors!

Why on earth did you not cut the visit short and tell your friend her punishment made you uncomfortable? This will be the tip of the iceberg vs. in private

Your friend needs a wake up call. You can't tell her how to parent but you can state abuse is unacceptable, even on a bad stressy day. What did you say / do while she was dragging poor DD along?!

Did you take the poor cat away from them?

Agree with everyone above. If have been shocked too OP but her behaviour is awful. I'd be inclined to speak to the school. Might be risking your friendship but her poor child. Not normal or acceptable behaviour.

Just because it was the mum who did it and not the dad doesn't change it from being child abuse? If you originally thought from reading the post it was the dad and changed your mind when finding out it's the mum that's very wrong

I think you need to tackle it directly. Just say look, I was really shocked when you did this. I know it’s totally out of character for you and I know you know it’s not oK. I’m worried about you - can I take the kids for a weekend so you get a break, or what else can I do?

Going via her husband is oddly underhand, and if it is a regular thing, she’ll just minimise it to him. If you bring it up with her and she doesn’t get it, then yes you could talk to him.

No, was more bothered about the kid funnily enough.

To put it into context, the child had recently been told that cats always land on their feet and don’t get hurt when they fall from trees. Her 7 year old brain wanted to test it out.

I literally corrected myself as soon as I realised and said 'same still applies' in my second post, and not once said that it was ok because she's a woman, so stop making up scenarios that didn't even happen. I made a mistake. I work in a hospital and have looked after many patients that have experienced abuse at the hands of women.

I’d be on the phone to social services. As a survivor of child abuse, the child should come first. Before a romantic relationship/marriage. Before a friendship. Before the culture of “snitches get stitches.” Children literally have no way to escape or stop abuse.

She won't listen to reason and that's why I was going to speak to her dh because I think he would make her see how bad it is.

We did cut the visit short, my own dcs were very shocked by it and I'm still in shock over it. The whole time she had a really short fuse. Her dcs didn't seem affected by it so maybe you're right, this is worse in private.

She won't agree to me helping out, she was joking (well not funny joke) that I'm trying to steal her kids.

That is absolutely horrific.

Her DH will already know what she's like and the fact he's done nothing about it either speaks volumes. Would you be comfortable speaking to the school?

Her DH either abuses the DCs too or is complicit in the abuse or is also a victim of abuse. Talking to him will get you nowhere. It won’t solve the abuse. You need to send in SS.

Most decent parents feel self conscious just telling their kids off in front of other people. If someone can drag their child across the floor and not bat an eyelid, you can bet it’s worse in private. I’d call social services and end the friendship, I’d struggle to be friends with someone who’s physical with their own children like that.

I was just about to say that she could also be abusing him too.

@elephantonacid yes I could speak to school, it would be hard to believe though. She's very Mary Poppins to everyone else and I'm struggling myself with the behaviour.

I've noticed before that she's incredibly controlling with the dcs but nothing to this extent.

School safeguarding leads will be very aware that abusers come in all shapes and forms. They would never say 'oh she's lovely, she could never be abusive, let's not bother'. They take all abuse seriously. They have to.

Her youngest dd struggles with school so df has recently been talking about home education. I really think this is a bad idea and would tip her further over the edge.