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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend dragged her dd by arm along floor

131 replies

Jennybeans401 · 22/11/2022 22:03

Visited a friend today and she seemed at the end of her wits with her dcs. Her dcs were home due to a teacher training day at school. Df seemed very stressed with both dcs who were playing and not being naughty.

Df was snapping at them most of the time. The youngest is 7 and at one point wouldn't share z toy with my dc. Df then grabbed her dd arm and dragged her along the floor into the hall and started shouting at her. I was a bit shocked as I'd not seen my df so angry.

I've spoken to df about the dcs coming to my house to give her a break but she said there was no need. I was thinking of mentioning to her dh that she seems very stressed though AIBU?

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 23/11/2022 23:45

Jennybeans401 · 23/11/2022 23:24

Thank you, sat here shaking my head thinking now it does make sense. Even in the context of our friendship I'd say she's been controlling. Not in the same way as with her family but there would be a lot of charm then mind games. Very subtle though but clearly all about control for her.

Shed asked to look after my dcs a few times but something always stopped me, this was before I knew how she really treated her dcs.

Well then, I'd say that your gut always knew something was off - and this latest incident made all the pieces fall together. Relationships and friendships like that... You'd always question yourself if what you're seeing is correct. As in "Oh my friend? She couldn't be abusive, she's always talking about kindness and good parenting... But then there was X, and Y and then Z and actually..." And then the whole picture comes together. This wasn't yours to work out.

Are you one of her most constant friendships? I'm going to guess she's had friends or acquaintances before but they don't go deeper than the surface or they've all fallen off the radar.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/11/2022 23:48

I've known her since the dcs were babies, she's had a lot of superficial friendships with other people over that time. She does have a small group of close friends now but she's only known them for a few years. They will see the true person in time I think!

OP posts:
Gagaandgag · 29/11/2022 21:39

Any update on the children OP?

StripeyMow · 29/11/2022 21:43

KrangTheBrain · 22/11/2022 22:33

I was round at a friends once and her dd (7) threw the cat downstairs. Friend dragged her daughter to the top of the stairs and then threw her down them. I reported her to social services and we never spoke again.

The daughter is now 22 and is NC with the mother (I know as my DC is friends with her)

Couldn’t read and run, that couldn’t have been easy. Well done for saving that poor child 👏

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 30/11/2022 06:29

I've not heard anything further yet, I feel for the kids. I'm still in shock over everything, it's made me question everything from the past now. This was my 'kindest' friend who was always talking about empathy, feelings and kindness.

OP posts:
Todaynotalways · 30/11/2022 13:00

Jennybeans401 · 30/11/2022 06:29

I've not heard anything further yet, I feel for the kids. I'm still in shock over everything, it's made me question everything from the past now. This was my 'kindest' friend who was always talking about empathy, feelings and kindness.

Some of the biggest bullies I know talk about 'empathy, feelings and kindness' they use them as tools of manipulation - it's not your fault you didn't see it, bullies and abusers operate in secrecy, and tend to be fairly good at it.

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