To let DS have the whole day off for friends funeral?

[RappScallion]

DSs friends funeral is on Friday.

They have been friends for 5 years and were close. He died a couple of weeks after being given a terminal diagnosis. Its his second friend to die in the last 6 months and he is understandably devastated although putting on a brave front.

The funeral is at 1:30 at a crem about 30 mins away from us. DS is supposed to be at college in the morning (doing a practical course) and as such will need to be collected and go home for a bath etc before us leaving for the crem. I would need to collect him at 11:30ish (20mins drive home, 30 mins bath, 15 mins food, 30 mins to crem, plus allowance for traffic and not arriving last minute).

DSs attendance is 88% (he had a week off due to flu and then a sickness bug directly after) and so the college have said he should be attending as many lessons as possible although they won't say if le. DS has said he doesn't feel up to that. If he's going into college he'd rather miss the funeral. If I let him have the whole day off I would guess it might be unauthorised.

WIBU to just let him have the day off?

Was it a full moon last night? I'm sure people are arseholes on purpose sometimes

Burying a friend is really difficult for a fully grown adult. Burying a young person, as another young person takes some processing. Yes of course he should take the day. I would and I'm 44.

Sixteen is a child.

Take the day off but although I would be suitably vague about who the funeral is for. Perhaps say it's for a relative (how can they prove it anyway?).

Attendance percentage figures are based on days of term already elapsed not as a percentage of the whole year. If he has no further sickness then his percentage will start to climb.

Give him the day off and support him with the college. Honestly I think it's a bit ridiculous they're acting like he's a child. By his age I had my own place and was taking myself to college with zero input from parents.

He's at an extremely vulnerable age mental health wise. Even if he seems to be coping on the outside he's hurting on the inside. Please encourage him to take the day off, support him in whatever way you can. If he hasn't had a meeting with collage about his attendance saying otherwise than 1 day unauthorised will not lead him to be kicked off his course.

Whole day off.
If his attendance is currently 88% after a bad patch, it will be better than that hopefully by the end of the academic year.

If he has said he'd prefer not to go rather than take a 1/2 day have you explored if he really feels up to going?

you have a very apt name joy less !
God help your friends, family and children with attitudes like that
It is a funeral, not a conveyor belt of 'making him', 'picking him' and 'taking' him
He is a grown person with his own thoughts and feelings on the matter which should be respected

How sad for you son to have lost 2 friends at such a young age. Please keep a close eye on him.

I wouldn’t hesitate, he has the whole day off, no question.

His friend has died, it’s the funeral and quite frankly the college could fuck off. Schools/college are obsessed with attendance, rather than looking at what’s happening to the children in front of them. I bet they go on about caring about the students and their mental health too, but when it comes down to it, it’s only attendance that they care about. Its disgusting. Some things matter more, this is one of those things that matter more.

I would let him have the day off. You kind of need to be in the right mindset for a funeral and he probably won’t be concentrating on college anyway.

Email the teacher/s and explain the circumstances. It should go down as an authorised absence. 88% attendance is actually pretty good so I wouldn't worry either way.

There is no such thing as unauthorised absence at college.

Yup, which is why I said if it's just been a run of bad luck then nothing much to be done.

But if not - as in my own specific exmaple about how not prioritising sleep causes me to get ill - it might be worth looking at.

My own experience is that sometimes getting ill is my bad luck and sometimes it's my own fault for not taking care of myself.

When my best friend died, I took some unpaid and was signed off for some.

It's only November so he has the rest of the academic year to get his attendance back up. Absolutely he should be having the day off to go to his friend's funeral. How sad for a young man like him to lose two friends in such a short time 😢

Day off ..its a no brainer Contact college and explain the very sad circumstances.
I hope your son is OK and talking about his feelings .X

I was thinking exactly the same!What is'wrong with people 🤔

Of course, he should take the day off.

If you were in Ireland, the whole college would close for the funeral. That’s to be expected here.

Let him take the whole day. I teach this age group and would not expect them to attend on the day of a friend's funeral. Most head teachers wouldn't expect staff to either. Few people are in the right state of mind to work on the day of a friend's funeral.

No one knows how a funeral will affect them until the day. I think missing the funeral isn’t an option as your son will probably regret it later and that can cause MH problems.
A day off for a funeral is totally acceptable and if the college don’t like that tell them to get some humanity.

Give him the day off.
When I was a young teenager one of our friends died. After his funeral, there was a gathering at his house - family, friends etc. My parents made me go to school instead. I will never forgive them for that.

Absolutely let him have the day off. He's grieving and trying to work out the whys and where fores, which is bloody hard at any age, must be especially for teens. So sorry for the losses.
My friend was killed in Cambodia when I was 19 by Khmer Rouge in 1990, when she was travelling with her boyfriend. I was in Australia and planned to follow her. It's never left me.
Let him have the day off ❤️

Of course the funeral should take priority.
But hang on… Your son is in college and yet you feel it is up to you to "let him" have the day off?

@PickyEaters are you not in the U.K. here six form college attendees are mostly children.