School keeps asking for parents to join in in the middle of the working day?!

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I am new to the whole school emails thing, but my son has started at a pre-school attached to a new infants school. Teaching is great, we love it. But they are asking for a lot of parent participation, which I feel quite trapped by. It will be a friendly request, such as come in at 2pm to celebrate the children’s achievements in the mini marathon. To attend I would need to take time off work to go. And if i don’t go will my son be sad that he’s one of the only kids without a parent there? It breaks my heart to think that.

The latest email, which has really wound me up, is an invitation for parents to join children at 12pm for christmas lunch. I have to pay for a lunch I don’t want, and take time off work to be there. And on top of this if my child would like to see Santa and receive a gift I need to pay £6. This isn't exactly optional as I can’t be the only mum who doesn’t join for Christmas dinner and doesn’t buy my kid a ticket to see Santa. Imagine how he would feel, for a teacher to tell him, no your mummy can;t come.

Am being I unreasonable to think that these kinds of things should be on a Saturday and legitimately be optional, rather than in the school days when many parents are working? or at least kept to a minimun and dates sent out at the start of term?! It creates such an unfair divide for children and puts so much pressure on working parents who already have to take time out for school holidays, inset days and sicknesses.

YANBU to feel disappointed you can't always attend, however, it's just one of those things- there will be many who can't attend and school will not expect everyone to turn up. The school is doing this because it's trying it's best to be inclusive of parents and have a good parental involvement and partnership with parents. The more opportunities they offer for parents , the more likely you are to be able to go to one or two of the events.

YABU however, to expect the school staff to work on Saturdays!

Teachers should be paid for these events to take place after school and on Saturday.

What happens in secondary school, when kids go on Duke of Edinburgh, or other residential trips, or even The School Journey in Year 6, or trips to the seaside, which get back late? Staff get paid, or some other inducement or benefit is offered.

Very occasionally, to give plenty of notice, and to ask parents to come once a term, to an event, is ok, but, beyond that, and for this to be an increasing trend, then no, it is random and not part of a concerted strategy to promote the importance of employment and to be inclusive and sensitive. The OP was about this as an increasing and concerning trend.

Combine a performance to which parents are welcomed with a parents evening to report on child progress, and at which teachers will need to be present, in any case.

Problem sorted, as above, and much better than lazy thinking.

I'm sure you can pay for your child to see Santa, regardless of whether or not you're present.
Your child won't be the only one who doesn't have a SAHP so can't make it.

Your child is in nursery, you have many many more years of this to come. I tried to go to as many events as possible over the years and I always enjoyed the Christmas lunch. Christmas and summer fairs I always found stressful so I never went to them. Budget at least £10 a month for school stuff over the year for each child. Demands for money are constant.

Staff do not usually get paid for extracurricular activities. I work part time as a TA and went on a week long residential with full days from 7am until 10pm with the kids and on duty all night if they needed me with my Y6 class. I have not been offered any extra pay. I have asked for a small amount of time off in lieu and the head is still considering and is reluctant to even offer me that- I'm still waiting for her to get back to me about whether she will grant me the half day I have asked for!

Meh.

It’s just yet another insensitive thing that our school do, you get used to it.

Constant asking for money and time many don’t have.

Awarding not being sick…knowing full well that there are dc in the class that have to have time off due to disabilities/poor health. Had to explain to ds early why he would never get one of those shiny medals or get to go to the party at the end of the year.

Dropping sudden requests (4 days notice usually) for the most bizarre costumes/bring a thing into school day, though admittedly this hasn’t been as bad this year.

Emails/messages multiple times a day, often for the most inane shit that has nothing to do with my dc. When my phone broke you’d have thought I was asking them to send smoke signals when I asked to ace letters sent home for the important stuff.

It’s a shame, I really like the school at first. But the last few years have made me wary if it and I definitely participate/ ‘try’ a lot less than I used to, because I think they are just taking the piss.

YABU. Why should all the other children and parents miss out on experiences because of your life choices.

I really hate that. Talk about living in the 1950's with the expectation of a stay at home mum. I know a school that used to do Fathers day dinner. Imagine how awful that is for those children who's dads have cleared off.

Terribly old-fashioned approach and I wonder what other old ideals they cling too.

have not read the entirety of the thread. When mine were at Kindergarten/Primary there were often complaints from the school about the lack of support by mums (yep, they used that word) for things during the day. And then that all parents didn't show up for (variously): class breakfast, class lunch, parent storytime, etc etc

It sent me potty. I was one of very few full time working mums, and although about 50% of the time the complaint letters were addressed to "parents" often it was "mums". So one day i talked to the head (full time working woman) and told her that she could put on the events outside of normal working hours, or she can stop whining about lack of parents there, but not both.

To be fair she dialled that right back afterwards but it took a LOT of feedback from me and a couple of others to get it to stop.

Every time my dds had something like this on I could never make it. I work in a school myself. I was one of five parents who worked, so I sent fil along and he loved it.

Staff do not get paid extra for the longer days or weeks off - they truly don’t!

They are on call for the entire week having started at 7 and finish when the last child is asleep.

If they leave in a Sunday they is not extra pay.

This is why teachers are striking.

If they paid teachers on Saturdays then the cost to the parents would have to increase to pay them.

They’re a completely stupid, badly conceived ofsted requirement. They disrupt the school day, upset dps who can’t attend, rile up the dc and honestly I don’t think anyone benefits.

Ds is autistic and used to get distressed by all the extra people and noise, so I’d have to turn up just to take him off and try to calm him.

Teachers should be paid for these events to take place after school and on Saturday.

The events are primarily for the children. As soon as you make an event out of school hours, some of the children can't attend. Families have commitments, and some parents simply can't be bothered getting their children to school out of hours. Which is horrible for the children who miss out.

Every Christmas my children's primary school held one Christmas play in school hours and a second performance in the evening. Unbelievably some parents wouldn't bother taking their kids in for the evening performance. So the main rules could only be given to children who staff could be confident would be brought in for the evening one.

So yes. It's more important that no child misses out, so most events are in school time.

Teachers should be paid for these events to take place after school and on Saturday.

@Diverseopinions Even if they are paid, why should teachers give up their valuable free time? They need a break from work too.

If you’ve chosen to work then it’s tough shit if you can’t be there for your kid. You made that choice, you face the consequences.

YABU for assuming that a saturday wild be better because you work mon-fri, some people work on saturdays just the same. School staff generally do t go into school on saturdays

And of course no school has the funds to pay all its staff for an extra day. They can barely buy pencils for goodness sake. Are there really parents who are so unaware of the school finding crisis?

It depends what kind of job you have, and what hours you do, how close you work, there are plenty of working parents who are able to attend these things

Charging for Father Christmas is really wrong, because some families won't be able to afford it and how do you tell your kid that they can't see him when others can?

But you won't be the only one missing the lunch. Loads of parents won't be there, not just because of work but also for cultural reasons. Plus any kid whose parent is a teacher. My OH missed every event during our DC's primary years because he was teaching other people's.

And absolutely no to Saturdays. Teachers need time off too!

I work full time, I rarely go to these things and neither of my DC say anything. In fact my eldest (now 10) asked me not to come to sports day as it was embarrassing. 😁

Does it always have to be a parent that goes? Could a grandparent or close relative attend instead? (I have no children so not sure if this is possible, but maybe that could take the pressure off?)

Not all schools do this.
Intially DC's had an annual afternoon sportsday, a nativity first thing in the last week of school before Xmas holidays and a biennial spring fair on a Saturday.
In upper primary there was a Saturday sports day and swim gala and evening prize giving and drama performances parents could attend.
The only other "event" was parent teacher meetings also evenings.
Everything was on the calendar a good year or even two in advance.

This isn't exactly optional as I can’t be the only mum who doesn’t join for Christmas dinner and doesn’t buy my kid a ticket to see Santa. Imagine how he would feel, for a teacher to tell him, no your mummy can;t come.

These things are optional. I've been to many in my times as a school parent and not all parents make it. plus, it's your job to explain to your child why you can't make it, not sure why you think the teacher is going to tell him.

Am being I unreasonable to think that these kinds of things should be on a Saturday and legitimately be optional, rather than in the school days when many parents are working?

So, you think the teachers should come in on their day off so that you don't have to take a day off? Really?

It's nothing new. Been going on for years.

It's one of those things every parent has to make their life decisions around.

If you want to be able to do all that stuff you have to tailor your work life around it. That's it really.

Some people can make sacrifices or change jobs to be able to work part time or flexibility. Some people don't work. Some people have very family friendly work places that let you work from home and make up time to do that stuff.

No schools are not being unreasonable. It's part of being a parent to try and plan your life and make career choices around your kids.

But parents who ask for time off to attend a play are jeopardising their earning potential by showing their employers that prioritise their children and by making things more difficult for the rest of their work team. Yes, staff might not want to give up their after school time, but, why not? Most jobs have an expectation of some additional time.

It never used to be the case that parents were summoned into school for so many events. There is no reason why the activities could not be planned to have an educational purpose, a child-focused purpose, but not to be involving the families. If this is an increasing trend, then it is one which is causing so much unfairness for those adults who can't attend.

And asking for £6 for Santa is not good. It's like using emotional blackmail on the parents. It's just lazy thinking. Activities taking place within school ought to be inclusive and thought-out to be not so materialistic.

The answer is not to let the same group of working parents suffer, but to find solutions which are fair all round. The idea of having a play after the parents evening is a good one of mine.

Some people work on Saturday, but a typical working week is still Monday to Friday.

People do not generally choose to work, it is something they have to do, as acknowledged by the fact that school is a hothouse of training for the workplace.

But parents who ask for time off to attend a play are jeopardising their earning potential by showing their employers that prioritise their children and by making things more difficult for the rest of their work team.

This just isn't true.
Lots of employers will try to accommodate this and would just ask you to make up the time if they can't afford to be flexible.

Alternatively, if it would be a problem for your employer, just request the time off and don't tell them why.