To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

I'm getting ready to leave now, I have to go before he comes. So, no chance of me saying a quick Hi. I am just as confused as everyone else on here tbh

This is bonkers, if she has never moved out then of course it's her home!! If OP was 16, and their mum has suggested that she make herself scarce for 7 hours, this would be met with very different views.

It is very odd op, and I would feel put out too. If my flatmate said to me that I had to get out of the house for that length of time id be annoyed! I would probably hibernate in my own room, headphones in, watch some TV etc but I do feel it's quite a lot to ask!

@PinkSyCo just judgemental as they bought a house , yes also prob when it was affordable and only with a second income
The worrying thing is some of these people are parents , the same ones who will be posting later in life complaining their dc don't visit much
Reap what you sow
But maybe people need to remember a child is for life not just until their 16

I am 34.

Its not unreasonable to expect an adult who realistically is not that much younger than I am to be able to find something to do for an evening so her mother can have some privacy.

Enjoy life even after dark & see the stars come out!

WTF

Sure you are.

I had my own mortgage at 22. That doesn't mean I'd kick my daughter out of her HOME whenever I want my boyfriend coming over. She moves out when she moves out.

OP is a full time student and paying her mum rent. That is her home.

I hope you don't treat any children you have like this.

God I hope you don’t have children.

Hope you have a lovely time at your nan’s OP. Don’t forget to ‘accidentally’ let slip what mummy dearest is up to this afternoon will you?

I'm so sorry, that's terrible. It might be different if it were a lovely summer's day or if there were somewhere cheap and easy to go - though I still think she should have given you more notice - but my mind is boggled that your mum thinks this is okay. She surely must have given some thought to exactly what you might be able to do for seven hours on a cold winter's afternoon and evening, and realised there are few decent options for you. And she doesn't care.

Then when you said she has left you completely alone at Christmas and doesn't want you to tell anyone about her boyfriend... you poor thing. You deserve better.

I agree with you that all you can really do now is stick it out until the end of the year and hope to move out then. At least you'll end up living with a more considerate flatmate whom you've chosen for yourself. But you still won't have a mum who cares about you. 😔

@Annoyingkidsmusic its also full of people who have no compassion
The op has no money and had nowhere to go for 7 hrs , what just go and sit in the car and OP clearly said only asked this morning and just wanted more notice thats all, not unreasonable
But to be fair when I lived at home my parents never asked me to disappear out as they aren't arseholes and it was always our home too

I'm getting ready to leave now, I have to go before he comes. So, no chance of me saying a quick Hi. I am just as confused as everyone else on here tbh

Why do you have to leave before he comes?

Stop being so passive.
Just wait until he comes and then leave.

3 hours each way. & by hidden gems I mean Street art etc not shops!

Its not unreasonable to expect an adult who realistically is not that much younger than I am to be able to find something to do for an evening so her mother can have some privacy.

I think you have missed the point. It's the short notice, the not taking account of her financial position (due to being a student, and she's already paying her way), the potential lack of somewhere suitable to go, the fact it's November and very cold after dark. And the weirdness of the situation. All rolled into one.

There has to be a reason you're not allowed to meet your mum's boyfriend OP, surely you have some clue.

I think the whole thing is weird, does he even know about you ?

Its not unreasonable to expect an adult who realistically is not that much younger than I am to be able to find something to do for an evening so her mother can have some privacy.

And where exactly is she supposed to go on a Sunday evening for 6 hours if she couldn’t go to her nans?

@CarefreeMe if I hang about it will cause an argument

@Annoyingkidsmusic 34 is a lot older than early 20's ffs , your older than you think
Also where do you go with no money on a cold possibly wet sunday for 7 hrs pm and afternoon.
You just being obnoxious now really and 10 years older with money is very different

Probably had help from mummy and daddy for a sizeable deposit too. As for OP’s mum and the people who see nothing wrong in her behaviour, well I wouldn’t treat a dog how OP’s getting treated, so just cannot fathom people like them.

3 hours each way of looking at street art?🙄

Honestly just stop. Please.

It’s very odd your mum hasn’t introduced you yet, and she is being a poor land lady giving you so little notice.

However it’s her house so do it without fuss this time, but ask her for notice next time, and also ask if she can avoid Sundays as no where to go.

I would suggest walk, cinema and Nandos or a pub meal.

I get all of that. I also think the mother is entitled to her privacy. Whatever her reasons. We do not have the full story here, only snippets from the OP point of view.

Yes with very little notice and with no money due to being a ft student who didn't factor the cost of this in due to it being unexpected.

And you didn't stand on your own 2 feet. As someone else pointed out, you bought a house with a dual income. A lot easier than doing it alone. Oh and I bet you were not made to spend Christmas alone when you still lived at home so your parent could be romantic with someone you have never met and so you could not make other plans as you were sworn to secrecy.

That is abusive and not being wet. So why don't you take your sanctimonious obnoxious self off somewhere else.

I think the Mom hasn't told him she has a daughter She probably said she's a lodger.
Mum is defo out of order leaving her own family alone and spending Christmas with him and his kid.
I'd be late leaving, say hello, stick your hand out and say Hi my name is X I'm so and so's daughter.
I'd also let slip she's on a date at the house to your Nan. Your Mum isn't very nice.