To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

Yes, you truly are being awful.

Yanbu. I think it's unfair of your mum to do this. Why can't you stay your bedroom or at least keep out of their way?

@Annoyingkidsmusic can you not see that the OP is understandably distraught, I'm sure she wouldn't be posting on here if she had support IRL. It's dark now at just gone 4 and most places are shut. I'm in outer London and there is no way I would want my 23yr old daughter wandering around on her own or sitting in her cold car for hours on end. She is very self sufficient but I would absolutely not leave her alone.
OP is obviously a resilient young woman. Do you really believe it's ok to leave your daughter on her own at Christmas, no matter what their age? She has already explained that having been given more notice of the mother's request, she could have made plans.
Thankfully she is at her Nans.

Oh gosh OP, that sounds awful for you. I have several adult children living with me, and I would never ask them to make themselves scarce, most definitely not with no notice. Yes, there ARE times, when I feel a bit claustrophobic tbh, because I basically never have any time to myself, but that isn’t their fault. This is their home and my priority is that they feel comfortable here.
I am sure that there’s more to it, than you have managed to explain on this thread, but please get some support. The uni will have people that you can talk to about how you are feeling atm. You need to have an honest conversation with your mum, but I feel that you need some support to gain the confidence to do that.
Tonight, go and see your Nan. I’m assuming that moving in with her wouldn’t be an option for you? My youngest son has just moved in with my ex MIL - and while I can’t say that I’m over the moon about it, it’s the right thing for him at this point. He also feels claustrophobic in the house, with so many people living here, and he got used to his space while at uni.
Is there any chance of you moving into student accommodation? That might be a good move for you. Working, to give your mum £300/ month, while at uni, is excessive tbh. You would probably be better off financially in student accommodation, plus you would have your own space.
As a side note, it’s not normal for a mother to have a 5 year relationship, never introduce him to her child(ren) and leave her child alone on Christmas, unless he’s married. But that’s her business, and I wouldn’t worry about it, because it’s not your problem.

Five years and not meeting the BF is very odd. Could you mum’s partner be a woman? I’m trying to think why she would be so reluctant to introduce someone she has been seeing for so long to her family.

You poor thing, your mother sounds horrible!

At worst, head down, do well at uni, keep applying for those grad jobs and get out of there as soon as you can after graduation.

On the same day? Ffs.

OP I've no RTFT but I have read your posts. Apologies if someone has already asked this but, might your mum feel threatened by you? What is the age gap between her & her boyfriend? You say his child is 10 so might he be younger than her or did she have you when she was young?

You say she once took down your childhood photos after an argument. Did she put them back up & are there any recent ones of you in the house?

If you're old enought to be told "leave your own home for 7 hours (so we can have a shag) ..on a winter Sunday at short notice."... you're certainly old enough to be introduced.

Sounds to me as if she's keeping you apart because you already know either him, his child, or his wife. Maybe it's your boss :-(

I think it's time to put your foot down. Just tell her that doesn't suit; she will have to book a room.

Need some recommendations for books or games for the train for my kid for Xmas. They really like history/knowledge/science/nature. Roughly I think I am looking for a reading ability of 7 years of age. I have been to our local book shops but can't find anything that would capture interest enough. Thanks for any recommendations

@Annoyingkidsmusic Not EVERY early 20s adult has all the resources and opportunity to move out and live independently-in fact the OP stated earlier in the thread that she has broached the subject with her Mom and has gotten a lot of negative pushback! Let's face it the poor young lady is in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship! Have some compassion for her and it also seems there's additional needs in play as well and personally I'd like to square up to the mother for her treatment of her daughter! She's a full time student and has a part time job! Well done to her

The christmas thing is heartbreaking; expecially that you can;t go to family because they don't know abou him!

If you have family within then go there on Sunday, and to hell with keeping her seedy little secret. " Auntry rose, mum has a man over on Sunday and wants me ou of the way. She's been seeing him for 5 yearsm he has a childa ge 10, I've never met either of them.

I bet the family already know who he is and she's lied to you in order to keep his ID from you.

within reach

@EKGEMS well said

It's definitely odd that you've not met him once in 5 years.

Could it possibly be something like 'he' is actually a she, and your Mum is worried about telling you?

A six hour walk, a lone female, in the dark, on a cold and wet November night? You'd be happy to do that to a daughter of yours? Seriously?

Oh ok. I see you answered that already! That'll teach me to read right to the end!

Sounds to me as if she's keeping you apart because you already know either him, his child, or his wife. Maybe it's your boss

I have to say this was my immediate thought too though the OP says she's seen him from a distance.

Is your mum quite young herself? It sounds a bit like she compartmentalises her life. She keeps you in one box, and keeps her relationship in another. The two never come out together. Maybe an anxiety thing? It's odd.

I don't feel it's fair for your mum to ask you at short notice to be out of the house for a long period of time on the evening. As you pay rent I feel like you should be able to say that you are mot able to find anywhere to go at short notice. If she is soo keen to have this guy over and not introduce you then she needs to pay for it. She should pay for you to go cinema dinner or even a hotel/ b&b for the night as she should be more considerate of you it's your home too.

I just wanted to send a hug . You being left at home at Christmas is well out of order . I think you are being treated very badly. I am not sure what the answer is but also the fact that you are afraid to speak to your Nan is quite awful .

Your mum isn’t coming across very well. She has enough resources to find alternative places to meet her partner without asking you to disappear for the afternoon. And It is odd to have a partner for 5 years and not introduce her daughter to him. She seems controlling about this and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to discuss why. Not surprised you feel low about this situation, OP. Frankly, it’s selfish and childish of her.

Best advice is keep your head down, get your career and find your own place. By that stage you’ll be in a stronger position to ask her some awkward questions.

Your mother is a manipulative narcissistic areshole . Op I hope one day you have the strength to speak to someone and leave .
good luck you are a lovely person in spite of your parents.

You sound nice and very responsible. I was going to say ‘Just go to the cinema’, until J read all of your updates. You’re Mum is wrong in many ways. £300 pm rent is a lot for your Mum to expect of you as a student living at home. Have you looked into how much renting a flat/house share would cost? And leaving you at home alone at Christmas is just wrong. Very odd that you haven’t been introduced to your Mum’s BF after 5 years! Ensure you finish Uni and plan to move out ASAP. Contact your Uni as they may be able to advise you re. other accommodation options. Good luck.

Defo stay and meet him, this is all very strange and not on!!!!