To feel a bit inconvenienced

[OngoingCrisis]

For a little bit of background, I'm early(ish) 20's, still living in my childhood home, just me and my mum.

My mum has been seeing someone for just under 5 years but has not introduced us to eachother, but she has met his child, so everything is kept relatively private, I won't lie, I do feel left out, but back to the main point.

She had told me this morning that she wants to invite him to our house so they can have a date night and she'd like me out of the house from 2-9pm. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she has told me earlier this week, as I could have made plans to go somewhere, but now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go and stay for 7 hours. I've contacted friends to see if they are available but no response yet and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go. Do I just sit in my car the entire time? Dad has been in and out of my life since I was a young kid so I don't feel comfortable going to him. Tbh I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but would like some perspective please

AIBU to feel a bit inconvenienced?

Oh fluffy. You are indeed a first world problem.

Also @FluffyPancake , it's not just about passing the time; it's about being turfed out of her own home.

@FluffyPancake only on mumsnet would you realise adults who treat their kids like this exist
In real life none of my friends would treat their child like this who is at uni
One thing asking to have house for yourself but you give notice so OP can make plans and if you know they are short of money maybe offer to help or call your mum and arrange for OP to go their, but the OP mum can't as she is in a secret 5 year realationship
Which means OP has had to stay home alone last few xmas as can't say to other family her mum is not there
Yes great sounds like totally normal behaviour , maybe in your world but to most of us that isn't

Do you have any friends or colleagues you could contact op?

@FluffyPancake on a (dark winter) Sunday night, with no notice and limited finances....yeah ok.

@Needmorelego im sure people like that just come to shit stir basically and think they are somehow clever

Wait, your mum hasn’t told anyone so you have to spend Christmas alone and she’s ok with that? That’s disgusting.

This whole situation is waving all the red flags. I think once you move out and can analyse things from afar you might see other things that just aren’t right.

Op

aside from your rel with your mother…. How was school for you? Do you have friends? Colleagues that you spend time with out of work? Hobbies? Anything beyond the 4 walls of this house?

Thank you for your encouragement. I admit I feel manipulated at times. A few months ago we had an argument so she took all of the childhood photos of me down

No words. You leave the moment you can and you don't look back.

Go to uni library?

Say ok but that you will be there when he arrives to meet him. If your mum says no then ask her what her problem is? Your meeting your mums partner is non negotiable.

You’re a nasty piece of work.

Would you treat your own children like that? Tell them to leave their home for 7 hours to do HOMEWORK?

Do you have any idea how soul destroying and lonely it would feel to spend 7 hours sat alone in Costa or Wetherspoons?

As you say, OP is a fully grown adult. Why would a fully grown adult have homework? Tell me why. But I assume your mean university coursework. You’re just being patronising and unreasonable. Pure and utter nastiness. Gross.

I’m absolutely shocked at some of these posts!!
You are absolutely not being unreasonable, your Mum is! Its one thing giving you notice and asking you if you mind giving her some space but you spring it on you with no notice is unacceptable.
i hope you’ve managed to find a good friend to spend a few hours with today x

I agree. And the welfare people should be able to give you help with accommodation or counselling or both

This is heartbreaking! What parents allows their child to spend Christmas alone whilst they are off having fun?
I agree with a pp who said your mum is just after your rent money.
It is really odd you haven't met her partner after they have been together for 5 years and how she gets annoyed with you if you bring it up.
I understand you can't move out yet, but I think you need to put a plan into place for when you can move out.
I'm glad your Nan is a kinder person and I hope you enjoy your evening with her

👏🏻👏🏻 Why do some posters go out of their way to be obnoxious? Everyone can see that not letting anyone in your family know about your bf even after five years is bloody odd and making your still young adult daughter spend Christmas alone to maintain the mother’s secret romance is beyond selfish and weird. I wouldn’t treat my (young adult) kids like this and they don’t even pay rent. The mother sounds self centred.

£300 a month

does that include all food and bills?

@owloak OP already said thats shut but also 7 hrs in a library

I am wondering what is wrong with him that makes your mum so embarrassed at introducing him to you.

After 5 years something isn’t right.

Why can’t it be the other way around?

And what are your thoughts on her mother’s Christmas Day set up?

Presumable mum is telling OP that she’s spending it at his, but maybe they’re at a hotel, maybe the wife thinks he works away. Stranger things have happened

it gives me the creeps you don’t know anything really about this man after so long. Instantly thought paedophile or serial killer 😂

How do you mean, the other way round?

do you have his name so you can Google him?