We are seriously, seriously struggling for money at the moment, as in all our food is coming from the local community food scheme and I haven’t paid my phone bill in two months.
We are working on getting it sorted but these things take time.
We do have family who could help but there are lots of other health issues going on and I don’t feel comfortable asking.
Last week was my sil’s birthday. Not a significant one, 53 I think. They live away and I literally didn’t have enough money to send her a card (a card plus a stamp or a loaf of bread was my choice).
I see her maybe three times a year and she’s been with my brother pretty much since school, so she has had a lot of birthdays since I’ve known her and usually gets something, even if it’s only small.
Incidentally, my older brother is proud of the fact he hasn’t sent a card or present to anyone for at least ten years (around the time his wife left him).
In lieu of the card, I asked my DH to send her a text (his phone and internet is paid by work so is still on). He wrote “Happy birthday, have a lovely day, look forward to seeing you all soon.”
I also sent her a message on FB, pretty much saying the same.
Yesterday I got a phone call from my mum saying my sil is gutted that I didn’t bother with her birthday and now they are saying it might “make it awkward” for Christmas.
I explained to my mum the situation, saying that I didn’t feel I needed to explain myself, and also my sister in law isn’t six, she should realise that some people are struggling (they have had three holidays this year so I imagine they’re not so much).
My mum thinks I should apologise and move on. I refuse to apologise for being poor.
Now a family row is brewing on top of everything else over a piece of fucking paper.
Should I apologise and move on, or stand my ground? I realise not apologising is incredibly childish but also, I’ve got principles.
AIBU?
AIBU?
To refuse to apologise
ChocBanana · 20/11/2022 07:44
Am I being unreasonable?
966 votes. Final results.
POLLCrabbitBastard · 21/11/2022 16:55
How are you managing to pay the internet bill to post on facebook and mumsnet? Are you getting all the benefits you might be entitled to? Could you downsize? Increase working hours?
Susurrar · 21/11/2022 17:05
I can’t imagine why a supposedly fully grown up adult would be making a fuss over a birthday card. How petty and/or bored do you need to be?? I wouldn’t apologise, you sent her birthday wishes, job done. The rest is on her.
Your SIL must be related to my SIL btw. A few years ago, she sent me a birthday card. I was floored by a stomach bug, looking after a 6mo DS at the time and didn’t have the headspace to send her a thank
you message . She kept banging on about it to everyone in the family pretty much until Christmas (my birthday is in the summer…).
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