A Gatecrashing Brother in law and fiance at xmas

[Shutthefrontdoor99]

AIBU about DH brother and partner? It's our DS first Christmas. We have got my parents on Christmas day and his parents on boxing day. DH brother is already rather famous for not planning things (or turning up on time). We had asked him about his Xmas plans, to which we got a shoulder shrug. DH and I alternate our parents for the 25th and 26th every year. Its no different now we have our DS. My brother alternates with me and our parents.

As DH brother hasn't decided, we told him our plans in a message. He then pings back straight away and says that they are going to his fiancé's family on Xmas day and they were (and I quote) "just going to turn up on your doorstep on boxing day".

He already knows we have DS at 6 months old at Xmas, and both sets of grandparents are coming to us (as so to try and help DS routine for naps), and I'm cooking a roast on both days.

AIBU to not want them to come too? I feel slight relief in that we know ahead of time that they are 'just going to turn up' but I'm already trying to share DS with both sets of parents. I already feel its going to be a lot for DH and myself to host both days with a small baby. I also dont want DH brothers dog to come with them (small dog but we dont have pets and we wont let friends bring their dogs either as we have just recently rennovated the entire house).

Just for clarification, we are seeing my brother and wife and kids another day between Xmas and New year.

And having both sets of parents over on the same day is out of the question as sll 4 dont geybone and one set are divorced but put up with each other for a day. Again, 4 people over in one day (all day) is rather a lot for us let alone DS!

@Swiminanglesey yes it has been mostly resolved!

My husband and I spoke to his mum and his dad and mentioned that we were worried about the situation that has arose. That bil had said they were going to join us, then later on mentioned that the dog was coming too. His parents both said, as dh and I said (alone) that that was a bit sneaky to say you're coming, then to announce that you're bringing the dog.

We then mentioned to bil and sil in a message that we would love to see them but unfortunately due to ds starting to roll around and plays on the floor a lot, we didn't think an excitable 6 month old and a excited dog and lots of people was a good mix, so could you please leave the dog at home. After about a day of the message being on blue ticks, bil replied that's fine but we can't stay all day. We just replied ok.

We then met up with bil and sil a few days ago and we have said we were looking forward to seeing them and they said it won't be all day so I suggested they come for when lunch is ready, then as they chill and let food go down, we could do presents etc. They seemed happy with that idea.

So relieved that things seem to be ok and dh is happy that his relationship with his brother hasn't seemed to change.

I also think my mil and fil are quite pleased to hear the dog isn't coming too!

@Heartsofstone you seem to either have a heart of stone, or not have read all the messages!

After about a day of the message being on blue ticks, bil replied that's fine but we can't stay all day. We just replied ok.

they said it won't be all day

Glad it’s all been resolved, OP!

Hilarious that BIL keeps telling you they won’t be able to stay all day, as if you are desperate for them to stay 🙄

Don’t get into a situation where you are hosting BIL every year. He needs to take his turn too.

@poefaced bil hosted last year, but I was pregnant last year, so these issues were not there! Everything went well on boxing day with the mil, fil, bil and sil. So very happy with the outcome, and ds was so happy and excited. He passed out for his afternoon nap once his aunty and uncle left to go home, then woke for another round of present opening. Plus he's now starting to sleep longer between night feeds so amazing all round!

Let's hope the 'no dog rule' in our house continues even as ds grows 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Glad it all worked out in the end, but you do have to be clearer with your messaging.

"Unfortunately, due to DS being so young and rolling/crawling around, im afraid it might be best the dog is left at home, or if you bring it, it is welcome to explore our garden while we eat!"

Is just sending such mixed messages.
Just say "but the dog can't come unless you are bringing his cage" or "the dog can't come".