I want to tell my husband I will divorce him if he gains a lot more weight

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My father in law is morbidly overweight, struggles to walk, etc and I have nothing against him but dread the thought of my husband being like that. I’m sorry but I couldn’t stay, I want to be active and do things and to be doing that to your own body…

He’s quickly heading to that direction though. Him and I never share a meal, he doesn’t eat the healthy food I cook he would just order a takeaway instead. He says he loves my cooking but can’t see him eating it?? I batch cook things so there’s always healthy food in the freezer but he won’t eat it. I eat my dinner earlier as I don’t want to put on weight, I will only eat in the evenings if there’s a special occasion.

As well if we go for a day out I will eat and the kids will eat before so we don’t get hungry and he says he’s not hungry and as soon as we get there he will buy something unhealthy. This is exactly what his father would do. I just reminded him there’s some really delicious risotto in the freezer as he said he was going to get a takeaway, he says he hasn’t eaten all day. He’s not taking the hint! Would I be unreasonable to just tell him if you get as big as your dad I will want a divorce..?

He isn't in the house until 8pm. What time does he leave in the morning? Could u ask that he cuts alcohol out during the week?

Is he actually obese, let alone morbidly obese? If he is 6'4" and plays rugby, I suspect he's not obese at all. Muscle is very relevant here, Random!

68% of men in the UK are overweight or obese. But sure, they're all 6'4" rugby players. FFS.

A BMI of 34 isn't just overweight; it's in the middle of the obese range; next stop morbid obesity. Height is already factored in.

you could always try the other approach, take out life insurance & then feed him up good?

Are you feeling OK? I don't believe that the 68% you mention are all 6'4" rugby lads.But once weight and height are used to calculate BMI, muscle mass does need to be taken into account.

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok if he actually was the 6'4 rugby player unicorn for which BMI is irrelevant, do you think OP would be here worrying about him needing a mobility scooter in a few years? Don't be daft... He's obviously well into fat territory.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I have a friend who did exactly this. I don't know the exact figures for his weight, BMI but he was very overweight. We've known them for nearly 30 years and he has continued to put weight on over most of that time - he doesn't exercise or like sport and has a very sedentary job. She has always done a fairly vigorous team sport - an unusual one that would be outing to name. With 3 teenager - 20's children she was worried that he was going to suffer a heart attack or become unable to work and need care - she was not prepared to put herself and her family at risk that way so told him to lose weight. He ended up having a gastric band fitted and going through a weight loss program to get his weight down to under 100kg. He reduced his diabetes medication from 6 tablets a day to one. This was about 4 years ago. He did lose weight, he looked so much better and he was certainly more mobile - we have holidayed with them many times over the years. Sadly his weight has slowly continued to increase again - he's still nowhere near the weight he was but I imagine it won't be long before it becomes an issue. I think she did the right thing - it was for his benefit as well as for her and the family as a whole - he is the major bread winner. She is the type of person that would have left him had he not done something - I have known her a very long time and I have no doubt that is exactly what she would have done. He's a smart often charming man but he has a problem with food - I know from supporting very close family members that have had eating disorders; he is a joy to be around when he is cooking - he loves to cook but there is a dramatic slump in his mood after he has eaten and he is irritable when he is hungry - his mood swings are really clear to see. I really see it as a medical condition that must be very difficult for him to exercise complete control over - I really don't think it is all down to a lack of self discipline, unbreakable bad habits, eating to deal with stress - there is a lot more to it than what springs to mind for most people who have not lived with and seen the psychological complexity of an eating disorder close up.

RandomMusings7 yes, obviously he is overweightfat, but is there any info I have missed about his height and weight? OP seems concerned about future morble obesity, so I'm curious as to exactly how large her spouse is, given her preoccupation with being thin and restricted eating. OP, is it possible that your husband is overweight rather than obese?

It's absolutely irrelevant whether he is overweight or obese by your personal arbitrary standards. He's been piling on the pounds over the years, his eating habits are obviously indulgent and unhealthily and he shows zero concern or initiative to change something. So it's just a matter of time before he is absolutely undeniably obese even by the most lax standards.

Random, lower your standards and come over to the fish finger thread. You would be most welcome, and we are currently discussing the merits of the world's largest fish finger or, as we Wigan folk say, "der weltbeste Fischstäbchen"
😂

Could you encourage him too cook dishes he be likes to eat at home?

Is he what? OP says his BMI is at 34. Anything over 35 is considered morbidly obese.
40 is morbidly obese

You may also be considered morbidly obese if you have a BMI of 35 or more and have obesity-related health conditions like high blood pressure or diabetes.

...which virtually all people do at that size

You may also be considered morbidly obese if you have a BMI of 35 or more and have obesity-related health conditions like high blood pressure or diabetes
Few provisios there. May and health condition.

You say vietually all but do you have stats for that as even with a BMI of over 40 I had perfect blood pressure, cholesterol levels and no diabetes.

I

Studies have shown that becoming overweight is a major risk factor in developing type 2 diabetes. Today, roughly 30 percent of overweight people have the disease, and 85 percent of diabetics are overweight.

And

The relationship between obesity and high blood pressure is undeniably strong. Studies⁶ report that around 15% of people with normal weight in the US have hypertension, but that figure rises to 25% for overweight people and 40% for people with obesity.

Ditto...you are not his carer. Someone who fails to look after themselves is not attractive.

You can leave for any reason you like.

It doesn't sound like you love him, so it'd be fair enough really.

Well, I eat in the evening and always buy us a snack when we go out places like national trust (unless I'm a bit tight for money, then we bring sandwiches etc.. with us). I'm a very healthy weight, not overweight.

My husband who has the same eating pattern (actually he eats 3 meals a day and snacks, and eats a meal in the evening) is almost underweight, but just in healthy range. My children are both 50th centile for weight.

My feeling is you both have unhealthy attitudes to food. He wants to eat normally but can't for fear of criticism, so he ends up snacking then binging, feeling bad and getting into a binge cycle. You are way too controlled with your eating.

Personally I adore my husband. I would love him whether he was 6 stone or 26 stone. In fact if he was over or under weight significantly, I'd try and support him and get him all the help he needed, not criticise him, I'd try and find out what's up, reduce any behaviours I have that are not helping, take a good look at my own attitudes to food, and try and ensure I was there for him.

I think there must be more problems than this in the relationship. 💐

😁😁😁😁😁😁🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Studies have shown that becoming overweight is a major risk factor in developing type 2 diabetes. Today, roughly 30 percent of overweight people have the disease, and 85 percent of diabetics are overweight.

And

The relationship between obesity and high blood pressure is undeniably strong. Studies⁶ report that around 15% of people with normal weight in the US have hypertension, but that figure rises to 25% for overweight people and 40% for people with obesity

Where does that say virtually all? @RandomMusings7

The only type two diabetes I know are not overweight or obese.

I know I'm resurrecting this by posting late, but I just wanted to say that some people go against the grain because it feels like they are being controlled. Maybe your partner feels as though you are being too obsessive over food and he is over eating because he is basically showing that he can/wants to. Which is not your fault, but also eating in the evening and putting on weight is a myth, so I was told by a nutritionist. Your body does not process food differently at different times of the day. I wholeheartedly agree though that I would not be able to live my life to the full if my partner (willingly) ate himself to disability. Be open and honest but also try and be a bit less anal about food it might help both of you, it doesn't sound healthy for either of you

I actually stopped cooking for him years ago as it would annoy me that it took so long to make the food and he would just eat it in 5min. Now I have found enjoyment again at cooking for the children as I love seeing them eating healthy food and enjoying eating it. So I make plenty so there’s also for him to eat but the food is actually aimed at the children (and me) rather than him. I already do everything at the house and everything with childcare as well as working so I am exhausted and can’t really see myself making any extra meals for him.

But he does eat some of the food. For example he just ate two packs of sausages I had cooked. Rather than taking a few and some pasta and veg. He just ate loads of sausages straight out the fridge with cheese and said he didn’t have any dinner - so he’s snacking not really registering to himself he has eaten and how much he is really eating.

You've done all you can and he isnt going to pick up that ball & run with it, that's on him.
I would stop taking any responsibility for his wellbeing, let him crack on with his choices, just make sure you and the kinds are as healthy as possible. Dont cook or shop for him.

I think he did well to remain in the same room for 5 minutes, to be honest. Why would anyone want to eat children's food which you leave out for him as an act of hate?
I really hope that you don't watch your children's every mouthful in a vicarious and controlling way.
Weaponising food like this suggests you have your own issues-leave the poor man alone and you may find that without your controlling behaviour, he will sort himself out,
And what on earth will you do when your children don't follow your script, and start to make their own choices?

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok i see you are absolutely determined to twist OP's story to make her look bad at any cost. Your interpretation of the facts she's stated is absolutely ridiculous. Healthy food =/= kids food. Making an extra portion for him =/= leaving food out with hate. For fucks sake...

Are you overweight and triggered or what's your problem? So much gratuitous venom...