I want to tell my husband I will divorce him if he gains a lot more weight

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My father in law is morbidly overweight, struggles to walk, etc and I have nothing against him but dread the thought of my husband being like that. I’m sorry but I couldn’t stay, I want to be active and do things and to be doing that to your own body…

He’s quickly heading to that direction though. Him and I never share a meal, he doesn’t eat the healthy food I cook he would just order a takeaway instead. He says he loves my cooking but can’t see him eating it?? I batch cook things so there’s always healthy food in the freezer but he won’t eat it. I eat my dinner earlier as I don’t want to put on weight, I will only eat in the evenings if there’s a special occasion.

As well if we go for a day out I will eat and the kids will eat before so we don’t get hungry and he says he’s not hungry and as soon as we get there he will buy something unhealthy. This is exactly what his father would do. I just reminded him there’s some really delicious risotto in the freezer as he said he was going to get a takeaway, he says he hasn’t eaten all day. He’s not taking the hint! Would I be unreasonable to just tell him if you get as big as your dad I will want a divorce..?

So he ate two packets of sausages - that’s 16 sausages? - and cheese
out of the fridge and says he ‘didn’t have dinner’??! I mean that’s serious calories going in.

He couldn’t even stick them in a couple of pieces of bread? Or would also have been downgraded to ‘snack’?

Yes when he said he didn’t have any dinner I pointed out to him he had eaten the sausages and the cheese and he said oh yeah I forgot about that. I think he really should write down what he eats as he’s grazing without much thought.

You can divorce for whatever reason but you sound like you have some real issues with food and control. You might want to get yourself sorted before you make sny hasty decisions.

I'm fat (see my username!) BUT I would not eat the sausages like that and forget I'd eaten them.....I am painfully aware of every mouthful I eat.
I would not stick around, not because he's put weight on but because his diet is so poor he simply can't be healthy at all.

I disagree.

This is a man who 'forgot' he ate a circa 3000 calories snack out of the fridge. I think he's the one with the food issues here, and the OP is understandably reacting to that.

I think they both do. God only knows how he forgot that, the OP seems very controlling about food though (even just her own, don’t want to eat at night as don’t want to get fat etc), I suspect some of DHs eating lies with bucking against control and also if he was brought up not knowing how to eat healthily.

They are just not complimentary to each other in the food department, they could prob both do with getting a better relationship with food

What type of job does he have?

Keeping an eye on your food intake and doing a lax form of intermittent fasting which is essentially what OP is doing by not eating after 5-6 pm is entirely normal after 40 for someone who is health and weight conscious. The pounds creep up on you if you don't actively try to prevent it. If you care about your looks, which again is 100% normal, you need to take some action. That's just how it goes.
I really really don't see how that is controlling or indicative of an eating disorder. Sounds entirely balanced and healthy to me. She tries to make healthy choices and she tries to keep calories down by intermittent fasting. All normal and standard behaviour for an adult, especially one whose metabolism is slowing down with age.

Why do I have a feeling that all the posters who are jumping to pathologise her behaviour and scream eating disorder are overweight themselves are feeling triggered?

There's really nothing wrong with not wanting to get fat, @OMG12, especially in middle age as @RandomMusings7 says. It's what the NHS tells us to do at every turn.

I think it's quite decent that the OP cooked two packets of sausages and put them in the fridge, along with the cheese and all the other food in there. That seems pretty OK to me.

I do get what you mean about the husband kind of kicking back at 'the rules' he's seeing around him. But he'll land up divorced eventually if he keeps on as he is. His choice, really. Perhaps he could rebel with a 'mumsnet man hobby' instead (it's always cycling or golf).

Nothing wrong with it at all, but i think(along with many other people in this thread) some of the wording in the OP hints at food issues. I think there’s issues on both sides here and they need to meet in the middle, I don’t think threats of divorce are really going to help the DH is likely to just see it as further control.

it would prob be better if the both sought therapy both individually and as a couple.

Nothing twisted or venomous, OP has stated:

I actually stopped cooking for him years ago as it would annoy me that it took so long to make the food and he would just eat it in 5min.

Controlling

Now I have found enjoyment again at cooking for the children as I love seeing them eating healthy food and enjoying eating it.

Is the enjoyment really in the cooking, or is it actually inseparable from the children eating in a performative way ?

So I make plenty so there’s also for him to eat but the food is actually aimed at the children (and me) rather than him.

So he comes home to eat food not really intended for him?

But he does eat some of the food. For example he just ate two packs of sausages I had cooked. Rather than taking a few and some pasta and veg

But if he does eat any of it, he's judged for not conforming to OP's food combination rules

And thank you for your concern , but no need, really. I am 5'10"" of twinkly gorgeousness and charisma, and I love a proper Wigan Kebab 😍

There's a lot of twisting of information & double standards here. If you look at people who are bed bound & have lost their mobility (600 lb plus etc) the people who bring them food are slated as enabling them to get into this situation.

If OP is trying to avoid this situation, aware of the risk of heart disease & diabetes, and tries to make changes now she is controlling & has an unhealthy relationship with food. 🤷‍♀️

I mean there is that caveat in wedding vows isnt there

for richer for poorer, In sickness and in health, till death do us part UNLESS you get fat.

So I think you're covered.

You don't seem like a nice person.

Ieat my dinner earlier as I don’t want to put on weight, I will only eat in the evenings if there’s a special occasion.

As well if we go for a day out I will eat and the kids will eat before so we don’t get hungry

Sorry, but it sounds like you have some pretty big food issues yourself.
How would you like it if he turned round and said he wants a divorce if your eating was to get any more disordered?
Also want to be active and do things and to be doing that to your own body
Yes, your own body. You're not him. You don't get to control what he does with his

There's apps he could use to track food and calories. For some people it can help to see it in black and white.

The idea that people who eat healthily and who don't snack are disordered is crazy. Even my dd left a partner who wouldn't eat a vegetable and preferred ready meals, because she said he was a big baby.

This thread is full of delusional fat people trying to make themselves feel better by putting OP down as the abnormal one. It's laughable really

You know people are fat how exactly?
You don't.
Just saying that only eating dinner early as you don't want to put on weight, making food for just you and your kids as he doesn't eat it "right" and you can't get enjoyment out of watching him eat your healthy food as much as you can your kids isn't particularly healthy attitude round food either.

Wow, I didn't realise defrosted risotto was such a huge no no!

Being totally honest I wouldn't want my DH to become very overweight either. It's not comparable to going bald or grey or wrinkly. Being very overweight has a big impact on your life and the lives of others around you. It just does. My DH wouldn't want me to become so overweight that I struggled to do every day things either.

And what's wrong with not eating in the evenings? I do intermittent fasting so don't eat after dinner at about 6ish and then don't eat again until lunch the next day. It has massively helped keep the wolf from the door as I hurtle towards menopause! I'm not slim by any means, but if I just carried on as I was then as I got older i think my weight would spiral out of control.

This idea that humans can eat whatever they want, whenever the want, and anything else is 'disordered eating' is deluded, dangerous bollocks and the reason this country has a big obesity problem.

Sorry but as you get older you do need to adjust how you eat and wake up to this. I was naturally slim but realised weight was creeping on. 45 plus most of us can’t get away with 3 meals a day and lots of snacks unless you have an extreme exercise habit. Intermittent fasting is a good way to reduce food intake - for me anyway don’t think it’s disordered eating.

As well if we go for a day out I will eat and the kids will eat before so we don’t get hungry

Maybe the OP means they eat breakfast before they leave the house so they're not feeling like they have to drive straight to a McDonald's instead of making headway to where they're supposed to be going?

It's an absolute pain in the butt to start a journey and hear someone pipe up, 'I'm hungry!' The OP's giving this example, like the sausages and cheese, as illustrations of how her husband doesn't plan, think or apparently have memory around food.

I eat my dinner earlier as I don’t want to put on weight, I will only eat in the evenings if there’s a special occasion.

There's a lot of advice to eat (and to finish eating) before 8pm. It's hardly surprising that the OP has come across it. Eating in the evening 'if there's a special occasion' I read as being something like a buffet or supper at a wedding, birthday or dinner party.

It's quite likely that the OP is affected adversely what she understandably sees as her husband's loss of control around food, eating and weight. She's unnerved by it. Maybe she's overcompensating a bit - who knows? - but I don't think there's any need for the scathing comments directed towards her. Rather, it sounds like both of them could do with help and support to get through this, and god love her she sounds like she's trying. Where are his responsibilities?

Don’t eat until lunchtime then try not to eat after dinner / meals on smaller plates / limit snacking. Cardio most mornings. Sucks getting older ! Have to make an effort to just stay a normal bmi.

Food addiction is a self destructive phenomenon who has huge adverse effects on the lives of your spouse and kids. It makes you immobile, unable to do your share of chores and parenting and it may turn your spouse into your unwilling carer when your health deteriorates to such a point.

Would you object to a woman divorcing her husband over developing alcoholism? Or a gambling addiction?

The upheaval that disabling obesity causes is on par with those two scenarios.

Absolutely. And this:

This idea that humans can eat whatever they want, whenever the want, and anything else is 'disordered eating' is deluded, dangerous bollocks and the reason this country has a big obesity problem.

Add in the fact that most people don't seem to exercise at all and it's no wonder that so many people face very serious health issues as they get older.

Swap an excess consumption of food with alcohol or drugs - anyone married to an alcoholic or drug addict would be told to run.

There is sickness and there is self destruction- two different things. OP is trying to stop her DH hitting the self destruct button & heading the same way as her FIL. She has every right to walk away if her DH continues down this path.