I want to tell my husband I will divorce him if he gains a lot more weight

[LongStoryShorty]

My father in law is morbidly overweight, struggles to walk, etc and I have nothing against him but dread the thought of my husband being like that. I’m sorry but I couldn’t stay, I want to be active and do things and to be doing that to your own body…

He’s quickly heading to that direction though. Him and I never share a meal, he doesn’t eat the healthy food I cook he would just order a takeaway instead. He says he loves my cooking but can’t see him eating it?? I batch cook things so there’s always healthy food in the freezer but he won’t eat it. I eat my dinner earlier as I don’t want to put on weight, I will only eat in the evenings if there’s a special occasion.

As well if we go for a day out I will eat and the kids will eat before so we don’t get hungry and he says he’s not hungry and as soon as we get there he will buy something unhealthy. This is exactly what his father would do. I just reminded him there’s some really delicious risotto in the freezer as he said he was going to get a takeaway, he says he hasn’t eaten all day. He’s not taking the hint! Would I be unreasonable to just tell him if you get as big as your dad I will want a divorce..?

[RandomMusings7]

Wholly missing the point of the thread but... wtf is with this hatred of leftover risotto??

It takes ages to make, so damn right i'll make enough for get more than one meal out of it.

And a food poisoning risk? Really?!

[HeelsOnFire]

Rice can contain spores that aren’t killed by heating.
The trick is to carefully cool rice then stick it in the fridge, but please don’t suggest that zapping rice in the microwave will kill off any nasties, because it doesn’t.

[FiveShelties]

How early do you eat your meals? Could you not eat together a little later?

[RandomMusings7]

How overweight is he now @LongStoryShorty ? Ballpark BMI?

[Isittimeformynapyet]

Nothing wrong with leftover risotto but frozen risotto would be just mush because of ice crystals I'd've thought

[Youdoyoutoday]

So what happens if you put on weight due medication or something unforseen? Would you be OK with him leaving you if you got fat?

If so then I guess it's fine.

However, you both seem to have issues around food which need to be addressed.

[Plmoknijb123]

OP wouldn’t it be better to say you’re worried about your husbands health as you love him and want him around for your children? They way you’ve written it, sounds very mean. People overeat for many reasons, a lot psychological. Most aren’t purposely trying to disable themselves. Try having some empathy and kindness towards your husband. Maybe one day you will struggle with something, would you want him to say ‘sort it or I’m leaving you for someone less problematic’.

[ironingboredrefusal]

@BosaNova

I am not on the side of op but.


Addiction is sickness for example. Should people never divorce addicts?

People can get divorced for whatever reason they like apparently, but why would anyone get agree to those vows just to be like well nah I was actually lying? Surely marriage isn't just about agreeing to be with the version of the person you first married. Thats not realistic is it because people will most certainly change physically, mentally and spiritually? And you get married surely you speak to you rpartner about these concerns and see what can be done?

[RandomMusings7]

@Youdoyoutoday

So what happens if you put on weight due medication or something unforseen? Would you be OK with him leaving you if you got fat?

If so then I guess it's fine.

However, you both seem to have issues around food which need to be addressed.

If it's out of your control, that's an entirely different scenario than willingly eating yourself into the 600 pounds life...

[BruceWaynettaSlob]

I've got a funny feeling op won't be back...

[Sleeplessinthesouth71]

Wow. Since marrying DH my BMI has gone up and down like a yo yo between a BMI of maybe 22 to 41. Now down to 35.
Never has my BMI rendered me unable to do stuff in the home or with the kids.
DH has lots of heath issues so I have done more than my fair share of caring abd wouldn't leave .
Yet as obesity is allegedly self inflicted than ultimatums are fine. So very wrong.
I could actually find an immediate corellation between my stress levels and weight gain/loss.

[NCHammer2022]

Your attitude to food sounds a bit dodgy too. YANBU to be worried about him going the same way as his father. But it sounds like you never share a meal not only because of him but also because of you and this timing thing. I probably wouldn’t want to reheat risotto out the freezer by myself either, it’s not the same as eating it together freshly made. Meet halfway some days?

[Onlyforcake]

Riiiggght.

[FreakyFrie]

I don’t blame you. No one wants to stay with a fat slob.
Just him straight.
He doesn’t need a takeaway and he can eat the risotto!

[FreakyFrie]

@Youdoyoutoday

So what happens if you put on weight due medication or something unforseen? Would you be OK with him leaving you if you got fat?

If so then I guess it's fine.

However, you both seem to have issues around food which need to be addressed.

Massive difference between someone who just eat crap constantly and gets fat to someone who gains it due to a medical condition.

[Fireballxl5]

@cheeseandwineissofine

If a man wrote this about a women he would be slaughtered...

True.
But most men on mn are slaughtered just for being men.

[fannyfartlet]

@Thelongwayround

Fuck me. Who else do you shun? The disabled? Very underweight people? Smokers? People with heart disease?

I definitely shun smokers for many reasons.

[EmilyGilmoresSass]

@FreakyFrie

I don’t blame you. No one wants to stay with a fat slob.
Just him straight.
He doesn’t need a takeaway and he can eat the risotto!

Aye. With a thrown in dose of the shits for good measure. Which I can't imagine OP would withstand.

[Softplayhooray]

@UmbilicusProfundus

I started off fairly sympathetic to you, but you do sound a little … intense…and it feels like there is more to this story.

It reads pretty clearly I thought....the FIL is morbidly obese and her DH seems to have inherited the same habits and is barreling toward morbid obesity too and OP is extremely concerned about it. OP of course you need to fact this head on and be honest with him. No morbidly obese person is a happy person and clearly she doesn't want him living half a life. And he could die at any time if he is morbidly obese hence the morbidly part in the name, and no married partner on earth is going to be all chill with that.

[georgarina]

@cheeseandwineissofine

If a man wrote this about a women he would be slaughtered...

Only when the problem is that the woman has had children and is treated like a domestic servant and has no time or energy left to think about making herself look nice, and is then complained about by the husband who has lots of free time himself.

[OnTheBackOfMyFoot]

Honestly OP it sounds like you're both suffering from eating disorders. I would advise you both to seek help as you're probably not helping each other with your food issues. I'd also be concerned about the messages you're sending your children. It's absolutely not normal to only eat in the evening on special occasions. Your attitude to food sounds like mine when I was teetering in the boundaring between disordered eating and full on eating disorder (I eventually developed anorexia and it's caused long term issues with my bone health and taken a year of expensive therapy to get under control).

He also sounds like he struggles with food. I would treat both of your issues with compassion and understanding as well as curiosity in terms of what triggers them and how you can overcome them. I certainly wouldn't be issuing ultimatums if this is someone you care about. I'd be encoraging him to seek help. Likewise for you.

[GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok]

It all sounds a little bit joyless? Eating before going out is obviously sensible and abstemious, but isn't the point of a day trip all the little treats you have, like a meal, or a burger? As opposed to risotto? How about making your healthy meals, but eating together. Maybe some prosocial behaviour will help him regulate his eating habits? It's so easy to get into a rut with food, maybe his meal choices are his comfort blanket?

[Quincythequince]

@Thelongwayround

Fuck me. Who else do you shun? The disabled? Very underweight people? Smokers? People with heart disease?

Hardly the same thing. She’s married to him.
Being married to someone who doesn’t care about their health, and especially when you do, is draining.

[GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok]

@DespicabIeMe

Do your husband a favour and chuck him my way.

😂😂😍😋🍔

[RobertaFirmino]

Yes, obesity happens for a host of reasons but it's as plain as day that this man does not care about his health. That is grossly unfair on the children.