Dh being an arse about his operation tomorrow

[Unicornenthusiast]

Dh is having an elective minor operation in a private hospital tomorrow. He was meant to be admitted in the morning but they have moved his surgery to the afternoon, meaning that his discharge time will be the same time as our dc's bedtime.

Dc are 8 months and 3, very good bedtime routines and good sleepers in general. My issue is that DH is extremely blasé about the fact that I need to bath and get both dc ready for bed and then drive 30 min to pick him up, whilst having the kiddos in the back of the car in their pyjamas (hopefully sleeping). He doesn't understand why I need to know exactly what time he'll be discharged and that we need a plan if his surgery is delayed.

He seems to think it's completely fine and easy if he's discharged a few hours later than planned, so I'd have to put the kids to bed and put them in the car a few hours later, or potentially sit in the hospital car park on a cold November night with a baby and a 3 year old.

I have to pick him up, there isn't anyone else who can do it and there's no one who could stay at home with the dc whilst I get him. Baby DS is fully breastfed so I couldn't leave him with anyone else anyway in case he woke up.

Now he's very upset with me and thinks I don't care about him...

Personally, if it were me, I'd just accept the night will be a one-off and I would just get them up or not put them to bed in the first place and put them in the car at whatever the time dh called/texted.

Hospital discharges are a moveable event - it depends on the doctors and nurses being available to do the necessary paperwork and not being called away to an emergency or whatever else.

I also agree with dh not staying overnight, both from blocking a bed but mainly because if I were dh, I'd prefer to come home, too.

If the situation were reversed, my dh would just get on with it, too and come and pick me up from hospital whenever.

If he has the option of staying overnight, then he's a selfish arse.

Honestly you cannot be this rigid. It's only one day. Just roll with it.

DH isn't the arse in this situation OP. It's you.

Can you explain what's selfish about asking your wife to pick you up after an operation?

I just don't get it.

It’s a one off for goodness sakes!

Are you normally this rigid? Do Do you have extreme anxiety? because I couldn't stay married to someone like this, in the end I'd tell you to F the F off.

I had to get a colonoscopy when all three kids were little.
My DH gave me the car to drive in.
After the procedure he came in on the train with two toddlers and a baby. There was a big thunderstorm and loads of rain and he had no umbrella or rain coat and came in to be there when I woke up.
The kids thought it was so much fun, they were drenched, cold and laughing but I remember thinking my goodness he is kind.
Be nice to him. He'll remember it.

Tell him to stay in overnight. To get a break from you!

This. And people suggesting you divorce him if he doesn't do exactly what you like.This site is mental sometimes.

It's one night, surely you can manage. Just get him to text when he is discharged - there is no way he will be able to tell you the exact time beforehand.

It’s not remotely horrible

I was in the same situation as the OP’s DH and I got a cab because it was less disruptive to my partner. A taxi driver can take him home as well as she can, and she’s there to look after him at the other end

Honestly, this is such a big deal over nothing! Why will it be 'quite tricky?' Bathe the kids earlier that night if you need to. Get him to call when ready, he can wait 30 mins. put the kids in the car and go and pick him up. It's one evening of disrupting a routine.
Thank goodness you're not a single parent and have to deal with this (really quite normal) occurrence on the regular!

You don't like him being blasé, but what earthly good would him being stressed about it achieve? Is the evening going to be easy for you? No. Is it going to be impossible or dangerous? No. Will any of this be changed by getting in a state about it? No.

Go and collect him with a good grace, and when he's recovered book yourself a night away with friends or family so he can practice professional solo parenting, because it appears that that's what you're actually bothered about.

This is what you do for someone you care about

That's so lovely.

Your issue is not only having your DC go late to bed, it could be having to get him to the car by yourself whilst carrying a baby and wrangling a toddler. If he won't be up to getting a taxi, how's he going to get to the car? With his bag etc?
And then when you get home, you've got to get him in the house ( have you got a driveway?) maybe upstairs, settled into bed and then deal with the babies.
I have actually done this myself, and it was pretty awful. No one helped me get DH to the car, we had to walk what seemed miles inside the hospital, and I couldn't even park outside my own house when we got back. All the while carrying the baby/dragging the toddler/carrying DHs bag, my bag and DH leaning on me.
Make sure you have a pram with you!
Better still, can't one DH's mates pick him up? Can he really not get a cab? I can't see how he would be any safer in your car than in a taxi. If you couldn't drive he's have to sort something else out.
You can't predict what time he'll be discharged, the op might take place later than they think, or last longer, or he might need a bit of extra recovery time, or the person discharging him might get tied up with something else..
Good luck whatever you do.

Like everyone has said, he gets no say in discharge time and it depends on how he feels. Even a minor surgery carry’s a risk. Having a general anaesthetic and no surgery Carrie’s a risk.
But you are mixing that up with the stress of the kids. But honestly one night in blankets when he phones and is ready is fine.

It’s one night , just go and get him im
aure the kids won’t be remotely arsed

Poor guy and how unreasonable of him to want you to pick him up after surgery.

Just hoping this is yet another wind up.

Your issue is not only having your DC go late to bed, it could be having to get him to the car by yourself whilst carrying a baby and wrangling a toddler. If he won't be up to getting a taxi, how's he going to get to the car? With his bag etc?

Do people really struggle so much with basic tasks?

Put baby in pram. Put husbands bag on/under pram. Presumably he can walk and push the pram, which may help rather then hinder, and OP can hold toddlers hand.

He is not being and arse

YABU I think 1 night where an established sleep routine is disrupted won't do any harm.

When he's well, you need to leave your DC with your DH, then he will realise how important routines are

You’re both being unreasonable here. It won’t kill anyone for the kids to have a disrupted evening for one day. If they miss a bath, they can have one in the morning or the following day. If they’re cranky from lack of sleep, they can have an early night. Sometimes needs must. But if you’re only 30 minutes away, why can’t your husband just call when he’s allowed to go and just wait 30 minutes with a book or the paper? It’s hardly the end of the world if he’s indoors somewhere warm.

Can you get a baby sitter for the kids? And/or just give the bath a miss for the night? What's the harm in them going to bed a bit later for one evening?

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.