To be a bit annoyed that she didn't offer to pay?

[Emma2745]

Just had a birthday meal out with a friend, It was a great time but at the end of the meal when it was time to pay she excused herself to go to the bathroom. The waiter came to collect with the bill during this interval so I just paid it.

My friend came back and sat down and I told her I had paid so we could go. She just said thank you. Then we got up and left. That was 3 days ago and she hasn't
said anything about offering to pay half the money (we usually split the bill). Moreover, I thought since it was my birthday that she might have offered to pay, as we have done that for eachother the past couple of times we've been out celebrating one anothers bdays.

I'm not too annoyed, just a bit, and also it's possible she might be hard up for cash at the moment, as many people are....so I think the right thing to do is to just let this go right?

When she gets a message saying “you owe me half for the bill” she’s going to think

a) oh great she implied she treated me and now I look like a bastard for not paying her back asap
b) why didn’t she wait, this could have been so much easier
c) why tell me this now and not at the time

I wouldn’t text a good friend of mine to ask for the money no. Infact one of my old school friends forgot to transfer me half for a meal in the summer and there’s no way I’d have asked her, it wasn’t on purpose but she’s got a lot on and just forgot

I think you should leave it, why did you pay the bill just because she’d gone to the toilet - maybe she just really needed to go?

If the waitor was hanging around I’d have just paid my half. If it still bothers you on her birthday id pay a well timed visit to the toilet too 😂

I had my arm twisted by my colleagues to go out for afternoon tea when I retired. When it came to pay,the bill was shared by a number that clearly meant that I was paying too. 2 years before,we had paid for two others who were retiring and our "guests

reminds me of when I worked in my last job, a colleague was leaving and I was roped into giving a tenner for her leaving gift by her clique I used to know but was never totally in with them. A year later I left and got fuck all. It's why I just to pay my own way always and never get into rounds etc because people just are too awkward.

If she is broke then she shouldn't have agreed to go out for a meal if you usually split the bill. Who suggested the meal? Do you normally go out for each other's birthdays and if so who pays?

When the waiter came with the bill you should've said let's wait until my friend is back from the bathroom.

You’ve treated your friend to a meal out, that’s what friends do.

It depends, who invited who? Who suggested the meal? If it was you doing the inviting I would expect you to pay, you don't invite someone hoping they're going to treat you.

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Strategic visit to the lavatory win!

But seriously, that was mean - you paying for both of you on YOUR birthday. I’d be distancing myself from this friend now.

ABSOLUTELY! And her choosing to go to the restroom right when she knew the check was coming was NOT a coincidence. But a well planned move on her part. If it wasn't, then she would have asked about it, when she came back to the table, or if not then, she would have offered afterwards.

It was only really made strategic by OP paying her mates half at that moment.

And the friend hasn’t “not offered” to pay. OP has never made any indication it was expected and even kind of suggested it had been covered.

you kind of set her up OP 😂

I'd have just waited til she got back with the bill sitting there.

If it wasn't, then she would have asked about it, when she came back to the table

she did. OP said it’s paid we can go. Not i paid yours, it’s xx. The mate was framed.

I would assume if someone paid the bill for both of us while I wasn’t there, they didn’t expect a contribution. What’s the whole mumsnet thing about if you invite people out on your birthday you have to pay for them?! (Btw, I think that’s weird)

But if I expected to split the bill with a friend, I’d wait for them to return to the table so we could pay together. You only quickly pay when someone isn’t there is you want to pay the whole bill without having an awkward discussion about who owes what. I think she probably took your cue that you wanted to pay without making a big deal. She probably feels awkward but doesn’t want to make a fuss now.

Next time just pay the bill together.

I think its miscommunication, if I was out for food in that situation I'd of waited for the person to come back and let them see the bill, see how they were wanting to pay their half- cash/card. If I were treating them I'd pay it and say I've paid it when they got back.

Just text and ask for half the money

I agree with the posters who said that your wording sounded like you wanted to treat your friend. Seems like a misunderstanding, especially since your friend appears to have always paid in the past. If I was in your case, I would drop unless I was really hard up. It will make your friend feel awkward if you ask for the money now. I also agree with the person who said paying when someone is in the loo is usually done when you want to treat someone without them being able to raise objections. That's what I do! As a note, in many cultures it is the birthday person who pays, not the other way round. I think that if you invite someone, you cannot expect them to pay for you.

Depends who invited who out for a meal - was it her saying let’s go out for your birthday or you saying it?

Either way rude of her to just dodge it like that & not offer half.

If uncharacteristic of her maybe is hard up but felt like she couldn’t refuse to go out for your birthday if you did for her etc.

Maybe say next time your treat as I got the last one??

But she might not suggest it for a while if money’s short.

This sounds like a misunderstanding to me, she went to the loo at the end of the meal when the bill came (I have done this a few times not realising) then when she returned you said 'I've paid the bill' she said 'thank you' - she might have just thought you had paid as in, I'll get this one on me. Often in our family if it's your birthday and we go for a meal the person whose birthday it is, pays.

Maybe she thinks she'll pay the next time? Only way to deal with this is ignore it and move on or ask her outright for the money.

Yes, that would be a normal thing to do.

What isnt normal is to pay for your birthday meal in the 5 mins some one has popped to the loo 🤔

Sounds like she finished her meal, went to the toilet and in the meantime the bill arrived, this isn't her fault and it doesn't sound like she normally skips out on the bill.

Why didn't you just wait until she got back to sort the bill?

If you happily said you paid the bill I'm not sure why you would expect to take it as anything other than at face value.

Say what you mean rather than playing guessing games and this wont happen.

YABU.

Why on earth didn't you just wait until she returned to pay the bill? That would seem to be the sensible thing to do 🤷‍♀️

Think op has abandoned the thread.

Great, another 'plopper'

What does that mean?

If someone I was out for dinner with had paid the bill while I was in the toilet and didn't say anyhting about getting my half I would assume that they wanted to cover it, becuase the normal thing to do would just be to wait till the person is back from the toilet to do the actual paying. I'd probably offer a transfer to be nice, but it would be much more inconvenient and - as I said - it would be my assumption they had wanted to cover it.