To be a bit annoyed that she didn't offer to pay?

[Emma2745]

Just had a birthday meal out with a friend, It was a great time but at the end of the meal when it was time to pay she excused herself to go to the bathroom. The waiter came to collect with the bill during this interval so I just paid it.

My friend came back and sat down and I told her I had paid so we could go. She just said thank you. Then we got up and left. That was 3 days ago and she hasn't
said anything about offering to pay half the money (we usually split the bill). Moreover, I thought since it was my birthday that she might have offered to pay, as we have done that for eachother the past couple of times we've been out celebrating one anothers bdays.

I'm not too annoyed, just a bit, and also it's possible she might be hard up for cash at the moment, as many people are....so I think the right thing to do is to just let this go right?

You told her you'd paid the bill and you can go. I think you've missed the opportunity to ask for her share. Yes, it was cheeky of her but maybe she genuinely thought you were treating her and she's a bit low on funds.

She probably forgot - why not just send her a Monzo split bill request, or a text with your details and the amount owed, if you don't have a bank that allows you to do requests. Nothing rude about that "Hello! Just wanted to send you my details for our meal the other day, it was £30 each, my bank no is XXX. Thank you ☺️"

This is partly your fault I’m afraid. You could have waited for her to return. You could have said “I’ve paid to save time - do you want to give m cash or do a bank transfer”. When she replied thanks , that was your cue to discuss her half and correct any misunderstanding

Instead you let her believe you had treated her.

So you haven't mentioned it, and came here instead

Ff just tell her she owes you xx for her half of the night out

Why did you not just say to the waiter “thanks, I’ll take a look when my friend is back”?

@Emma2745

How much was it?

My friend came back and sat down and I told her I had paid so we could go.

It sounds like she may have misunderstood that you meant you were picking up the tab. It certainly sounds like it.

I get you do it differently normally so I agree with others just to text.

Why did you pay?

if I was her i would have assumed you’d been happy to pay

Maybe you should have said "I paid, your half came to £X so did you want to bank transfer?"

What's wrong with you . I'd have told the waiter to come back in 5 minutes THEN say 'oh the waiter has just been , i've left my half in cash I didn't know how you wanted to pay your share so told him to come back
OR. If you're not paying cash tell him to come back in 5 minutes
Either she's a but thick
OR timed it nicely
Or embarrassed she's hard up and didn't want to say
Or a cheeky fucker
I doubt you will see that money again without it causing a rift

You had choices -

1. say to waiter, can you give me a minute until my friend comes back
2. say to your friend I paid while you were in the loo your half is £35.
3. say, I've paid we can go, let her think you have treated her, let her thank you, then fume about your friend who is oblivous there is an issue.

Why on earth pick option 3 🤔

You say she might be short of money but the same applies to you. Even if you are rolling in it I think it's awful to think 'Emma's got pots of money, I'll go to the loo and leave her with the bill hee hee'.

I'd message her now - don't leave it any longer. Nice and polite 'you've forgotten, it's £X'. If she doesn't pay, well that'd be me and her finished.

Why did you pay the bill? I genuinely don't understand why you didn't wait until she came back or just pay your half.

I think you’ve behaved a bit strangely and have caused the misunderstanding. You paid whilst she was in the loo, when you could have waited for her to come back. Then you told her you’d paid and that you could without saying anything about her paying you back.

Texting now is really cringe but sure, do it if you need the cash.
But next time just ask the waiter to come back in 5 mins!

How much was it, since you took it upon yourself to pay I’d leave it there if it were me.

I personally couldn't have the front to just say 'thanks' and not ask how much I owed! You know your friendship though, maybe let this one pass but keep an eye on future plans... Perhaps stage a toilet break yourself next time the bill is on its way over 😇

Is it fuck.a convenient body swerve to the bogs when the bill shows up?

I agree with this. Sounds like she thought you were treating her. I think I would probably have thought the same even if it was YOUR Birthday. You could have asked the waiter to come back when your friend returned OR you should have said I've paid the Bill, to save time, so you owe me £x. She even said thank you to you, which adds to my view that she thought you were offering to pay for both of you

So yes - I do think you should let this go.

What's your normal arrangement? I do have friends I alternate the bill with, we go out for coffee or food often enough that we just do an "I paid last time, you pay this time" arrangement.

However, I tend to agree that you should just have brought it up in the moment. Now, you get to decide if you want the money back more than you want to risk some friction and ruffled feathers, or not.

No normal person in their right minds would be annoyed about being asked for their half of the bill. If this is a deliberate attempt to not pay her share, she will be relying on you feeling too embarrassed to ask her. Just ask for the money back.

If she hadn't pulled the bathroom stunt I'd have just paid it.

But I hate cheeky buggers and well timed exits so I'd message her for her half.

This. You shouldn’t have paid it all but it’s not too late to get your money back.

I feel like you got yourself into this situation by

a) paying the full bill in the first place when you could have just said you’d pay half and tell the waiter to come back when your friend returned

b) when your friend returned and you said you had paid the bill, not asking if she had some cash or that you would message your bank details for her half

My friend came back and sat down and I told her I had paid so we could go. She just said thank you. you should have said ill let you know my bank details for your half or not paid it all in one go.

I would 100% leave it, seems really petty otherwise. But next time you go out, when the bill comes, just give a big smile and go ' Oh, I got it last time, so think this one is on you'. and make sure she pays...