To be a bit annoyed that she didn't offer to pay?

[Emma2745]

Just had a birthday meal out with a friend, It was a great time but at the end of the meal when it was time to pay she excused herself to go to the bathroom. The waiter came to collect with the bill during this interval so I just paid it.

My friend came back and sat down and I told her I had paid so we could go. She just said thank you. Then we got up and left. That was 3 days ago and she hasn't
said anything about offering to pay half the money (we usually split the bill). Moreover, I thought since it was my birthday that she might have offered to pay, as we have done that for eachother the past couple of times we've been out celebrating one anothers bdays.

I'm not too annoyed, just a bit, and also it's possible she might be hard up for cash at the moment, as many people are....so I think the right thing to do is to just let this go right?

Yep. She's totally taking the piss.

Does she have previous?

Hmm, you would not be unreasonable to ask her for her half, but I think you confused things by paying the full bill.

You have also taken away her choice of payment method. Maybe she was going to stick it on credit card, and didn't have cash to transfer

If she was too hard up to pay then she shouldn't have gone with you.

If you usually pay half each, then drop her a text 'hi x, lovely to see you the other night. Can you pop your half of the meal over to my bank please? £x and bank details' job done

Regardless of what she thought.... who on earth wouldn't have put up even a tiny protest

plenty of people I can think of.

I don't know anyone who doesn't fall over themselves to at least pay for what they consumed

such a sheltered life you have lived. I can think of too bloody many.

This.
It hardly a strange thing of your friend to go the loo after a meal.
Why wouldn't you just say my mates nipped the loo, can you pop back in 5.

If you return and someone says "ive paid the bill, time to go" it sounds like they have paid.

YABU not to have dealt with it at the time.

A) sorry my friend is in the toilet can you come back in a few minutes? Thanks

b) I paid the bill as you weren’t here, but it’s £25 each, you can transfer later.

c) Hi X bill was £25 would you mind transferring today as I’m a bit short thanks.

there are so many polite and to the point ways of dealing with this situation both at the time and after.

Message and say do you want to go halves for last week or just get it next time?

How old is she? Is she going through the change perhaps

age is irrelevant in being a cf. I've known all ages who will do it.

Why didn’t you wait until she came back - the bill could have been sitting in the table then you split it.

you confused her by paying it.

I would chalk it down to a misunderstanding- I certainly wouldn’t message to ask for half unless she had a habit of doing this.

You said 'I've paid the bill so we can go'
Entirely on you.
Why on earth would you pay the full bill if you didn't intend to pay the full bill.
I'm with a pp. I find it so strange that you wouldn't just say 'you owe me x' to your friend. Weird.

Why didn't you wait until she returned to pay the bill?

How much was the bill?
How exactly did you invite her out for your birthday?

This

If she hasn’t got form for this, then it could be that, like many of us, she’s struggling at the moment. Then again she shouldn’t have agreed to go out for lunch if this was the case. Who invited who for lunch? Did she acknowledge your birthday with a card? A present?

I'm with a pp. I find it so strange that you wouldn't just say 'you owe me x' to your friend. Weird

not weird at all, it is often pretty difficult for alot of people to call out somebody on something or ask for money owed from others. I never understand why so many people don't seem to get that on mn.

I think you have complicated matters. I think you should have waited for her to return from the toilet and then split the bill. By paying for it whilst she was in the toilet, you gave out the wrong impression that you were happy to cover the bill. I wouldn't have paid in the first place, but now that you have paid, I would suggest just leave it and don't let it happen again. Arrange to go out for a meal together again and this time tell her "It's your turn to pay, as I did it last time" and take it from there.

She should have paid - at least for herself. But I would let it go.

I'd be inclined to let it go this time, especially if she is a very good friend, but not allow it to happen again unless I have made it clear it's my treat.

More fool you for paying when she went to the bathroom. Why didn't you wait?

What’s more important?
keeping the friendship
or however much her half was?
if it’s the friendship.. let it go.

I would be very annoyed at her bathroom trip conveniently planned right when the check was dropped off as that's a pretty good sign that they are not planning on paying. However, I would not have paid the full bill, and if I did, I would have said something like, "I paid the bill while you were in the bathroom if you just want to send me your part or get the bill next time we go out!" so that there is no confusion. Simply telling her that you took care of the bill and letting her thank you for it is leading her to believe that it was your treat and then seem greedy asking for her part anyway later on

I had my arm twisted by my colleagues to go out for afternoon tea when I retired. When it came to pay,the bill was shared by a number that clearly meant that I was paying too. 2 years before,we had paid for two others who were retiring and our "guests"! Thankfully,I had taken cash out and just paid my share.