Aibu to think my child is called a boy because of her race

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

This may be petty to a few but this is really starting to get to me. I have mixed race daughters- and a mixed race niece- all of them have continually been mistaken for boys in their early years. It’s got to me more today as a woman approached me in a playgroup and apologised for calling my two year old a boy and said it was down to her clothes- light blue jeans and a cardigan with birds on it.
I don’t put her in dresses daily because we’re often in a park or soft play, but joggers and a T-shirt with a bunny or bird on it is pretty standard. I also see plenty of girls in leggings and jeans etc.

I’m now starting to think it’s unconscious racism- and it’s predominantly down to hair.
White/ Asian girls hair grows downwards. Black girls I know of have twists and plaits that are deemed “girly” hairstyles.

My daughters hair is in an Afro- it’s combed and oiled daily and well cared for but I don’t routinely plait it because it won’t hold.
My niece was always called a boy, and when her hair was corn rowed was called a boy.
Apparently if you don’t subscribe to the Caucasian aesthetic that makes you masculine.
Aibu?

@Comedycook
If I gave my DD a buzz cut or a short classic haircut that’s considered a boy’s haircut, she’d be mistaken for a boy. I don’t think it’s people’s fault that somehow these believes about hair styles got ingrained in their minds through the centuries of preconditioning. I don’t know what we can do apart from not assuming anyone’s gender, but it’s quite difficult to operate life like this

If my 13 month old blonde kid is dressed entirely in pink love hearts she still gets called a boy ALL THE TIME and I have no idea why. Some people are just bad at reading genders of babies. She just has short hair Cus she’s a baby - doesn’t even look particularly like a boy

My dd was pretty bald until she was about 2 if she wasn't wearing pink or a dress people assumed boy. I have mistaken a long haired boy for a girl before . There is definitely unconscious bias when it comes to gender

I think it’s not racism - given that kids of all races are regularly mistaken for the opposite sex. I think it’s that the fashion at the moment is for some styling to the natural Afro to make it ‘girly’. Ribbons, or hair bobbles or pulling it into a bun.

As I said above, I had the same problem with straight blonde hair, because it was too fine for any of the ‘girly’ stuff. Everything fell out! And because the fashion for boys then was longish straight hair with no decorations, I was assumed to be a boy unless I was in a dress.

I think it’s sex stereotyping rather than racism.

Yes, this was my DSis until at least 5, her DS is the spitting image of her as a child.

Yanbu, it sounds they’re not even looking at the girls’ faces. If they actually looked and didn’t make a judgement on hair then they would see it’s a girl.

If they’re so thick then they’re not worth your time anyway. Just look at them blankly and turn away.

How on earth do you expect people to tell the sex of a toddler without taking a cue from their hair or clothing?

It's not racist- it's just someone making assumptions on their appearance- they're not 'calling' her a boy, they are assuming she is IS a boy based on her appearance. Once corrected they have apologised and started calling her a girl so there was no intentional offence or prejudice exercised against your child.

There were clues on the clothing.

Gender stereotypes are obviously at play here (my DS, with short, dark, wavy hair sometimes got mistaken for a girl, presumably because he had big dark eyes and sweeping eyelashes), but the OP’s questioning whether there might be more to it, in her case.

A load of white people saying, ‘no, definitely not, because the sex of my child was mixed up’ doesn’t really mean much.

White babies get mistaken for boys too.stop trying to create drama.

My daughter has golden brown hair thats wavey now. But she didn't get hair at all until she was 3. And until she was 4 she was often mistaken for a boy, even when she was wearing pink or 'girly' clothes. All children look neutral. That's why I always say when I'm not sure 'and what's this little ones name?' Works brilliantly unless they have a unisex name like, Alex, Sam or Charlie 😂

YABU
Do you live in an exclusively white neighbourhood? Because we live in a very mixed neighbourhood and babies all look androgynous unless styled in particularly 'girly' or 'boyish' clothes/accessories.
Toddler DD's friend has natural hair but it's long and sometimes has a barrette in it, and is dressed in typically girly clothes.
When DD wears her brother's hand me downs she is always assumed to be a boy.

You got that, OP?

Shut up. And do not ever question anything.

I don't think it's to do with race - everybody thought my DD was a boy until she was about 4 because she was big for her age and had hardly any hair - I thought it wa never going to grow in!

Small children don’t generally develop the physical features that distinguish their sex until they’re older. Therefore people will make assumptions based on clothes, hair style/length etc.
I very much doubt it has anything to do with race.

Because the op has done nothing to her dds hair except let it grow naturally.

My 11yo (Caucasian) has a buzz cut and is constantly mistaken for a boy. Even though she wears jewellery, and is developing breasts! Lazy gender stereotyping.

@Comedycook
Some girl’s hair don’t grow much until later in childhood. We can do whatever we want with our children’s hair, cultural stereotypes will die over time. I’m often assumed to be pregnant, I’m a tad overweight and apple shaped. I actually find it quite offensive but I don’t think it’s discrimination. My body has the right to be the shape it is, but people will assume what they learned to assume

Some toddlers just look more masculine or feminine than others. It may have nothing to do with hair or clothes.

Yes loud and clear- critical thinking as it’s best from some people!

Nah, it’s an appearance/styling thing- tomboyish girls with downwards growing hair can be mistaken for boys too- happened to me until I decided to grow my hair long when I was about 10

I don't have children and I'm not that bothered about them. But I always try to find something nice to say about other people's children because I know parents like it. I've never deliberately misgendered a child. But lots of kids are difficult yo identify. And parents,hate it when you say 'it'. 😉 And as babies you can ask their sex but as they get older that too is an insult. And I don't live in an area with many black or Asian children so these are predominantly white kids I'm talking about.There was another thread on here where a mother was insulted when people called her baby tiny as she took it as an insult to her care.
It's a flipping minefield. Maybe it's better to just ignore children altogether.

I think that there is a bit of an ideal of a typical girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. I don’t think that is something that can be ignored. The op obviously feels that their DCs Afro hair is the cause of the confusion and that must be very frustrating.

I look pregnant too! I'm not! But that's an actual physical state that results in a certain physical characteristic of a large stomach area. Having afro hair has no correlation to what sex you are, therefore the assumption that it equals boy is totally nonsensical.