Aibu to think my child is called a boy because of her race

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

This may be petty to a few but this is really starting to get to me. I have mixed race daughters- and a mixed race niece- all of them have continually been mistaken for boys in their early years. It’s got to me more today as a woman approached me in a playgroup and apologised for calling my two year old a boy and said it was down to her clothes- light blue jeans and a cardigan with birds on it.
I don’t put her in dresses daily because we’re often in a park or soft play, but joggers and a T-shirt with a bunny or bird on it is pretty standard. I also see plenty of girls in leggings and jeans etc.

I’m now starting to think it’s unconscious racism- and it’s predominantly down to hair.
White/ Asian girls hair grows downwards. Black girls I know of have twists and plaits that are deemed “girly” hairstyles.

My daughters hair is in an Afro- it’s combed and oiled daily and well cared for but I don’t routinely plait it because it won’t hold.
My niece was always called a boy, and when her hair was corn rowed was called a boy.
Apparently if you don’t subscribe to the Caucasian aesthetic that makes you masculine.
Aibu?

My daughter is white and often gets called ‘he’ if put in gender neutral clothes. It’s annoying that she either has to be in a dress or something pink or floral but honestly I would probably make the same mistake.

in fact, my daughter today was wearing brown boots, jeans and a navy hoodie with red polka dots. She has very short hair. What would you have assumed?

You can't tell from a child's face until puberty, and then only the boys (a flat chested girl with a boyish haircut can look like a younger boy).

I find it a bit sad that birds are supposedly gendered 'girl'.

A lot of people don't buy into the whole rabbits, birds, cats, nice colours=girl sharks, bears, dinosaurs, sludge colours=boy, bullshit.

I wouldn't automatically think a child wearing something with birds on it was a girl(or boy) ditto blue.
However, I know the people who care buy into gender stereotyping so if I come across one dressed all in blue or pink, I'd probably go for the stereotype to avoid angering the parent. In this case I'd get it wrong because I don't always know the ridiculous birds, polka dots, stripes etc 'rules'.

But as I say, being misgendered isn't actually an insult in a toddler, unless you have very set ideas about males and females based in misogyny.

@BHMiseverymonth its not always whataboutery its peoples life experiences as well
But how would these research papers always know as they don't ask everyone

It's nothing to do with race. It's more likely to be with your girl wearing jeans and a blue jumper. Why does it bother you at all? When my eldest son was little (up to the age of about 4), he had long, blonde ringlets, and some people thought he was a girl. I didn't give a toss about what anyone thought.

But if boy/girl confusion is evenly spread across the races, then the probability is that it’s due to gender stereotypes, not racism.

If this is the OPs first experience of this kind of mixing up of children’s sexes, then racism would be a default assumption. That doesn’t mean it’s the case.

You can tell with most kids, if you actually at their faces.

I think it is easy to mix up the sex/ gender of babies and toddlers unless their clothes loudly proclaim BOY or GIRL and even then people get it wrong. My DD had short hair until she was about 5 or 6 and would be confused for a boy even though she has very pretty delicate 'girly' features. DS has insanely long eyelashes and maybe for that people would think he was a girl as a baby no matter what he was wearing. It didn't bother me though.

My DD is mixed race, I suppose looking back she did get mistakenly called a boy at times but I think it was mainly because I don't like pink or dresses so like me she was usually in jeans or leggings with a t shirt or jumper.

She's never said she wants blonde hair, her hair is curly and she goes through phases of liking curls and hating them. I think lots of us want different hair, I'm ginger and longed for black hair when I was young, dyed it once and it looked hideous with my skin tone.

What's interesting is lots of people have said their white boy children get mistaken for girls. I think it's less likely that mixed race or black boys get mistaken for girls.

I think most people are completely unobservant. I used to dress dd in practical outfits and avoided pink like the plague, and she was routinely mistaken for a boy until her hair grew longer.
The other way around, dh has long hair and occasionally gets mistaken for a woman, despite looking very typically masculine!

If this is the OPs first experience of this kind of mixing up of children’s sexes
not the first, I have two children and a niece who’s a near teen

This!

How do peoole not see that hair is linked to her race? OP, you dob't need white people of white children to validate if what you and your children are experiencing as racism. That feeling in your gut, your heart and soul that something isnt right is what you go by. And no, you are not 'overthinking it (ffs poster who said that). As . White mothers of brown children we have to learn what racism looks like, and feels like. We are not brought up with it so we have to learn it. That is what you are experiencing now. That your child is seen as "other". Do not ever doubt yourself or let people tell you what you and your child is experiencing isn't what you are experiencing. Ok OP? ❤️

Yes!!!!

When the demand for racism outweighs supply.

Lovely post @Lndnmummy

I judged by a face once and called a long haired child in unisex clothing a boy, she was a girl with a boyish face. There is a huge overlap in boyish and feminine looking faces between children of different sexes, you really can't tell.

Did you actually just write that…?

Yes

@Ellatella you for real?

I don't know OP but my daughter is mistake for a boy quite a lot and she is white and blonde. She does have very fine short hair (it's just been slow to grow) and I dress her in jeans and jumpers too rather than dresses.

My son always got called a girl, however ‘boyish’ the clothes…I didn’t give it too much thought as people don’t mean any harm

Totally disagree with this.

My blond hair, blue eyed girl often got mistaken for a boy. I didn’t give it a second thought.

Why is everything out down to race and labelled as racism these days?!

Nothing to do with race.
My mixed race daughter had short hair until the age of 3/4. She was never referred to as a boy because she has very feminine facial features.

@Lndnmummy but its mot necessary race that is causing the confusion here though is it
If someone mistakes gender your automatically saying they are racist ? Every person.
When it happens a lot with little ones