Aibu to think my child is called a boy because of her race

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

This may be petty to a few but this is really starting to get to me. I have mixed race daughters- and a mixed race niece- all of them have continually been mistaken for boys in their early years. It’s got to me more today as a woman approached me in a playgroup and apologised for calling my two year old a boy and said it was down to her clothes- light blue jeans and a cardigan with birds on it.
I don’t put her in dresses daily because we’re often in a park or soft play, but joggers and a T-shirt with a bunny or bird on it is pretty standard. I also see plenty of girls in leggings and jeans etc.

I’m now starting to think it’s unconscious racism- and it’s predominantly down to hair.
White/ Asian girls hair grows downwards. Black girls I know of have twists and plaits that are deemed “girly” hairstyles.

My daughters hair is in an Afro- it’s combed and oiled daily and well cared for but I don’t routinely plait it because it won’t hold.
My niece was always called a boy, and when her hair was corn rowed was called a boy.
Apparently if you don’t subscribe to the Caucasian aesthetic that makes you masculine.
Aibu?

I was told once that "it was obvious" my child was a girl because "she " was so pretty. "She" was a boy! Roll on a few years ... my grandson was asked bç (another child) if he was a "boy or a girl ". He asked me later, "granny ... what's a girl???" My point is ... WHY DOES THIS EVEN MATTER?
Btw, my husband, aged about 20 - 6ft tall, long hair, jeans - in the 19070s, was asked by a complete stranger "are you a boy or a girl?" FFS!!! Plus ça change and all that!

You are reading waaay too much into this OP. I often can't tell the sex of young dc these days because clothing and hairstyles are so variable these days.

Both of mine have been mistaken for the wrong gender loads of times. I just think with small children you can't really tell. I never bothered correcting strangers either. When DD was a baby a few people asked me what his name was. I said it was Dave.

How is it racist? If a Caucasian child had short hair and was wearing trousers she could be mistaken for a boy. I have sometimes referred to little boys with long hair as girls.

Don’t be so stupid, racist because people think your child with short hair and unisex clothes on is a boy? People used to think my daughter was a boy because her hair didn’t come on properly until she was about two. I honestly didn’t care, but I did I would have made an effort to dress her in pink and put clasps in the little hair she had.

You are absolutely right, but in that case, the person claiming racism would have to provide evidence of how the rudeness was connected to race- so a person couldn’t just claim that “someone was rude to me therefore they were being racist” (since people of all races experience rudeness), so there would have to be something about the particulars nature/ quality of the rudeness/ context that made it racist..

In this case the link is hair, and I do think there is something in that - because race sculpts hair which defines people’s perceptions of gender. But age provides an intersection here too. OPs DD is only 2, and may Caucasian girls are still very bald at 2, perhaps making them just as likely ( if not more likely) than OP’s DD to be misgendered male. So I’m not sure that at age 2, being misgendered male, is a form of prejudice experienced specifically by black girls.. but I am more than willing to be wrong!

Ps. She’s blonde with blue eyes

Who said my child had short hair?

My child’s hair isn’t short it’s Afro!

You could be right, my niece was often mistaken for a boy, she's mixed race white and Asian but her father has very curly hair as did she and it took a very long time to grow.
However my son was routinely mistaken for a girl despite having a typical 'boy'haircut and always in jeans and tops so who knows

YANBU. I think you are right, that people are subconsciously judging via the current white cultural norm of long straight hair = girl, and not having this = boy.

My 10month old daughter (white, blonde hair, blue eyes) is mistaken for a boy sometimes. I don’t think anyone is trying to be rude but just some people automatically say boy or he.
I don’t always correct people as they’re not saying it to be mean.

much to some peoples horror I do buy some of her clothes in the boy section 🙈 if I’m dressing her in something particularly blue or boy like I tend to add a bow or head band but honestly, as long as your child is happy and no one is being rude.. don’t take it to heart

My DS was often mistaken for a girl, even in childhood years, even with classic “boys” hairstyle. He’s got the feminine face features. I often am mistaken about babies, I see them as babies, I don’t always understand if it’s a boy or a girl, especially when everyone’s wearing unisex. It’s not unusual for people to get the gender wrong

I have white children so I don’t have any experience of whether race is a factor. I’ve got 3 DSes. Only the middle one was ever mistaken for a girl. It had more to do with his finer facial features than his hair.

I wouldn't take it too personally OP! I mistook a boy for a girl yesterday. He had mid-length blonde ringlets and pink wellies. It's really very hard to tell with your children!

My white blonde son was always mistaken for a girl because he had longer hair as a toddler. My white blonde DD was repeatedly mistaken for a boy as a toddler because her favourite item of clothing was a beautiful pair of Osh Kosh denim dungarees sent to me by a friend in the US. When I corrected a woman on the tills in M&S she told me I shouldn't dress her like a boy. Some people are just idiots.

I always got mistaken for a boy when I was young. I think it's because I looked pretty much the same as my brother.

I'm on the pale side of white.

I think people will go to great lengths to deny that anything ever has a racial element rather than consider their own, and others, biases.

Whilst I don't imagine people are being racist, per se, there is coded clues they are using and according to this thread 'long blonde hair' appears to be the only code for 'female child'.

Sucks and I can understand why it's frustrating as despite what people are saying, stereotypes of what is and isn't considered feminine are harmful.

My pale blonde niece was mistaken for a boy a couple of times too, I wouldn't think it has anything to do with race and more to do with people not paying attention properly, seeing short hair and thinking "boy"

A lot of people (who are old enough to know better) assume that short hair= boy and long hair= girl. My kids have been confused by short haired girls and long haired boys but as people get older, there are often more clues about a person's sex.
A lot of people also buy into blue= boy and pink= girl. The clothing thing is even more ridiculous because of the random rules created by shops like polka dots being for girls. Ime light blue is usually limited to jeans in the girls clothing section. There will be the odd pastel green or lilac but retailers seem to have created a blue is for boys rule that some people have taken up.
I suspect this is why some people stick bows and headbands on bald babies and short haired young girls as a signifier that they are female.

My first daughter didn't have much hair (ie very short) until she was about 2. And I rarely put her in a dress so she was always mistaken for a boy. I think it's more sexism than racism. Long hair, dress = girl. Short hair, trousers = boy.

Agree with this

I’ve got straight blonde hair. I was regularly mistaken for a boy up to age ten.

I think people will go to great lengths to deny that anything ever has a racial element rather than consider their own, and others, biases.

Never a truer word spoken.

If that very small piece of typing was 'hard work', why bother?

Either way, I feel you've gone off on a tangent here and your example has nothing to do with the OP.