16 year old in hospital, adult mixed ward.

[Teenangels]

My daughter and I are currently sitting on a chair in the waiting area, to be taken up to a ward, she is 16 only just and been diagnosed with an appendicitis, she has been given morphine, so is sleepy and

I have been told that she will be going up to an adult mixed ward to wait for surgery and that I am not allowed to go up with her.

I am actually furious that my 16 year old will be surrounded by adult men, she is a child how is this allowed to happen.

In my eyes she is still a child, she can't get married (without my permission) but can be treated as a child.

AIBU and over reacting or AINBU to feel she is being totally let down.

This happened to me as the patient, 22 going in for a heart op. I could see the ward in question was full of old men and thought no way. I refused, stayed where I was and calmly said I'd wait until they had a bed in a female only ward. They found one within about 20 minutes.

But she’ll be in a bay, surely? She won’t literally be lying side by side with a man? Also, shes 16, not 6. As long as she’s in a bay with just women then I think you’re over thinking this OP.

I had a burst appendix at 30 and was put on a mixed sex ward. I was so Ill, unable to walk or leave the bed.

I woke up to find a man leering over me where he whispered I am going to fuck you hard, your eyes will pop out. Unable to press the bell I was terrified

a nurse came and treated him like a naughty child - come on colin let’s take you back he had mental health problems

it was truly terrifying

like fuck would I leave me 16 year old

and no they aren’t old enough to leave education or drive a car on their own - 16 is vulnerable

Erm .... no

I think the female/male ward thing is only part of it really, I do agree that it's a lack of safeguarding considering the lengths we have to go to safeguard in other areas now, this is an oversight. Unlikely but not impossible. The main issue I would have is the sheer lack of compassion and care in hospitals. She's young and scared and going to have an operation for the first time. All these people saying don't worry about it, I can't honestly believe that you would just happily wave your 16 year old daughter off to spend the night in hospital on her own and have an operation on her own. The nurses will pop round to do obs etc but most of them are sadly either lacking in compassion or don't have the time for much else even if they wanted to. It terrifies me that in a few years I might be in this situation with my child. I would want to be holding their hand the whole time, what kind of parent wouldn't want that? Sadly she might have long wait for this op too, as a friend did recently. She was in for 3 days before they finally operated on her (for appendicitis) I'm sorry you're in this situation op and I wish your daughter well.

Wind my neck in, you don't know what I have said or done, I came in here to rant, and see if I was being unreasonable.

Op I feel for you as the mother of a nearly 16 yr old DD and a health professional. Its not on. Peads ward no but she is vulnerable and should be allowed support. To those saying she's 16 and an adult you must have young children. Would you want your child to be alone and witness a death ot arrest call. Belive me that will cost the NHS years of therapy. OP as others have said No is a complete sentence . I would also ask to see there safeguarding policy and under 18 on adult ward policy. Ask how they are protecting a vulnerable young person and ensuing her safety and supervision from non CRB checked adults. Ward manager then request pals and the site manager if no joy. I would also ask for a copy of the official complaint policy and be seen to be writing every name and conversation down. Be polite but firm . State that if you have to leave her you will making a formal complaint, asking for safeguarding review and contacting the CQC . Be polite but firm TBH the staff are probably on you side just can't say so.

Anyone who says 16 is old enough to be on a mixed ward only has to read the recent “inappropriate” thread to read how common abuse of young adults is.
I also assume they have younger or no kids. I remember thinking 16 was ancient when mine were little.
But a 16 year old usually can’t even drive or drink legally.
I’d definitely want to stay too.

I think by mixed sex ward they mean either a single room or an all female room in a mixed ward 🤔
16 is classed as an adult in NHS world

For those saying she's a child. In the nhs system she is not. I can tell you there are VERY few numbers of paediatric intensive care beds in the country right now, therefore the knock on onto the general paediatric wards is the same. Ask for a side room etc, but your child is not a paediatric patient im afraid

I am not bashing the care of my daughter, I am sat in a car park, because I was not allowed on the ward with my 16 year old daughter.

my daughter has called to say she is going down for her operation now and the nurse has told me I have to ring recovery in a couple of hours to see which ward she will be taken to once the operation is finished.

My daughter was very teary and said I love you.

I suggest you have some compassion, because I would hate for any other parent of a young person have to do what I am doing.

Parents weren’t allowed to stay when I was a child regardless of age and I was left when very young. I understand your dd is scared and I’m really hoping she will be ok. It’s a difficult age because her body for surgery is that of an adult, but your dd is a minor.

You're 'not afraid', @Shouldisayorshouldino? Because the OP is, her female child is, and frankly I am too.

Anyone, regardless of age, should be able to have a support person in the hospital. People are not cogs for the medical system. They are real people with feelings. They also are often at the most vulnerable moments physically of their lives. Having an advocate you can trust is just common sense.

Really interesting to see posts telling OP not to overreact interspersed with posts talking about abuse experienced in a hospital setting.

Some of these replies are not only lacking in empathy (to put it mildly) they are genuinely disgusting.

I'm glad for your daughter op, that she has you sticking up for her.

Mixed sex wards should not even be a thing ffs!

My mother was allowed to stay with me until the last minute and I certainly didn't have to share a toilet or shower area with men.

Just because 'it's happening' doesn't mean it's legal or it's ethically right.

What reason did they give you for not allowing you to stay and what did PALS say?

Several posters have asked this (including me) and genuinely want to know their reasoning.

Op if you're looking for compassion you won't find it here, MN has become a real cesspit lately.

Yanbu. Being poorly in hospital is bad enough without the added vulnerability of being a young person on a ward with adult men.

Some the posters here clearly have no kids or no empathy, perhaps both. I hope you can see your dd and get her home as soon as possible.

OPS DD is not the only patient. This is the issue with relatives they obviously care about their own child's needs. But what about others?

Confidentiality? Safeguarding? Relatives need to understand the staff do not make the rules and sometimes there is crucial reasons why relatives are not allowed to stay. You get people coming from prisons and all sorts, sometimes medical staff are under strict instruction never mind the relatives!!

Hello OP, how are you? How is your DD? Agree this is crazy, she is still a child in the eyes of the law and scared. You should be allowed to stay with her. You are not overreacting at all, they have made an already scary time for your daughter more traumatic for no good reason. Have you been able to contact PALs / the complaints team at the hospital at all?

This would NOT be ok for me. I'd tell them that this was unacceptable. I wouldn't allow it/agree to it.

YADNBU
she is a child. Just read you are not allowed to stay 😔. That's ridiculous.

@Teenangels sending a big hug, I know an appendectomy is pretty routine surgery but you must be so worried as the NHS may see her as an adult but she's still your baby and you weren't with her when she was taken down. I hope the bed situation sorts itself out when she is out of surgery, and you are both ok