Any parents of twins around? I'd just like to vent.

[MMMandaBRB]

I have 13 month old twins, and a 5 year old. I'm normally a very practical person and if you saw me out you wouldn't think twice about how I was coping etc but I absolutely hate my life at the moment. Specifically:

• My older child constantly hearing "No", "Wait", "In a minute" etc.
• Mental comparisons that I can't stop making between my twins - is my son neurodiverse? Lazy? Bit of an asshole? Just different to his sisters? Fucked if I know.
• How much more I have to do. More carrying, more wiping shit, more pushing of a heavier pram, more cleaning the floor after meals, more thinking about who needs what when. I didn't want three kids.

• Statistics working against me - want a lie in / easy day / whatever else? There's just more chance one of the kids will fuck it up.
• Having to work much harder to do ordinary things, like go to a play club or the park or a cafe or the library, because one of the fuckers will cry or poo and then (because I can't leave the other unsupervised) we'll have to go.

• Inability to take public transport because I can never get on the first bus or two, because there's no space for a double pram.
• Far more thinking about whether where we're going is escape-proof, do I know anyone who can keep an eye on one for a minute etc.
• Fewer invitations to play dates.
• How much harder it is to spend quality time with them - again, it's a matter of minutes before the other cries/whines/shits.

DH does his share, I work PT, we have some childcare. It's not enough. I hate my kids and my life.

You’re bullying and badgering and hectoring. She can read. And you’ve made your point and she posted to vent, not to have to listen to sanctimonious shit like you’re posting. She can seek help if she wants. You posting how abnormal YOU think it is in YOUR experience, repeatedly, helps no one. And to be honest it sounds like you’re the one with the problem of reading a simple venting thread from an exhausted mother triggers you in such a way.

Hear hear. This poster has turned a venting thread into being all about her and what she thinks under the guise of offering help and support. Glad I’m not the only one who sees her bullying and sanctimonious bullshit for what it is.

Bullying? By suggesting op may need to seek help?
Ranting is one thing sure! The other not so much.
If I'm bullying op can you please quote me one thing that I have said that suggests so?

@Wildeheart made it all about me? I haven't spoken about my personal experiences of having twins? I haven't spoken about my personal life. I saw a op who may need support/help and gone against what everyone else is saying.

This made me crack up laughing!
I've 2.5 year old twins. During lockdown, when they were newborns, I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I remember having to take one twin to a hospital appointment, and I felt like I was going on holidays!! - getting out with only one twin was so EASY! Another time I had to go for a Covid test, and again it felt like holidays.

Since mine turned two, it's got so much easier. For quick trips, I don't need the buggy, which is a game changer.
Everyone says twins are easier, since they'll "play together". I can barely take my eyes off mine, since it'll end in a scuffle and someone getting bitten/pinched/scratched.
But it's getting better.

On a hard day, I just think - how do those with triplets survive!!

If my advice can perhaps help the op than I'll go on some more!

Please don’t; you’re being the opposite of helpful. Your advice can’t help me, you’re in the vegetarian restaurant looking for a steak.

Thanks all. Especially good to hear it’s easier long term. I am organised, I was with the older one and I am with these two. The meals are cooked, the laundry’s done, there’s milk in the fridge rah rah rah. I simply hate every moment.

You’re entitled to an opinion. But repeating it over and over, in the face of being told clearly that it’s not helpful or welcome IS bullying. And it’s pushing your agenda, your opinion, your experience, ie making it about you. You’ve talked about how YOU have never felt like the OP said in her vent. SO FUCKING WHAT?

Stop. Seriously.

It gets better. Promise. The pay off is that they always have company further down the line and you can zone out.

Mine skep in the same cot at the beginning with a plastic divider thing down the middle they were tiny so fitted , I always thought they would wake each other up but they didn’t even when one was screaming. And I used to put them down for a sleep at the same time regardless of whether they wanted to as they both used to fall asleep together, there was no way there were going to be on separate regimes for anything. My husband used to make me a packed lunch and flask before he went to work so I could get lunch as usually it was impossible for me to make some

Right I'll sod off but I am sorry op if I caused you any upset!

Solidarity OP. Our twin boys are 5½ and we have an older son who is nearly 17. It was almost intolerably hard when the twins were tiny - they were 8 weeks prem and were in SCBU for a month after birth, and then we get to the exhaustion and the sheer expense of everything even with the benefit of Twins Trust discounts, but it does get better, slowly. Ignore the more spectacularly unhelpful comments on this thread.

Ooooh I feel you OP! I have twins, who are 6 in January. It does get easier, I promise.

When they were babies, and still in the buggy, everything was a pain in the arse. If I wanted to do anything major, I had to take another adult with me.

I got rid of that massive baby buggy AS SOON AS they learned to walk. It was easier to juggle toddlers on reins than that monstrosity. They learned to walk at 15 and 17 months. People get snippy about reins, but they were a lifesaver for me! I did keep an old-style foldable pushchair in the car for maybe a year post-learning to walk, for if one got particularly tired.

On the sleeping part, I remember being on my knees with tiredness in the early days, and my GP dismissively saying that at nighttime, when one twin cries, the other will get used to it and not wake up. I wish!
Even now (2.5) if one stirs the other also wakes up immediately.
The GP tried to tell me that the second baby was going to wake up anyway, so it was just coincidence that they woke at the same time as the first baby woke.
I still feel resentful of how dismissive she was.

Oh yeah, and what @zingally says about the buggy. Our double felt like a 12-wheeled armoured personnel carrier and was about as heavy. We kept a single pushchair for a while too, but not having to wrestle the double about after they learned to walk was liberating.

I have twins and a singleton same age difference as yours but they are older. It’s relentless. It will get easier I promise. I found the stage you are at very hard. Find a twin group they are the loviest bunch and can all can relate to how you feel. I read your post and all those feelings came flooding back.

My mum had 5 kids under 8 by the time she was 26 - but she said looking after my twins at 12 months was much harder. It gets easier though!!

I’m a twin mum with an older DSC (only 18 months older than DT).

It has been really hard. I felt a bit of resentment when they were babies as singleton mums seemed to have it so easy…feeding in cafes, breastfeeding, bus rides and baby groups. When I had the three of them on my own, I ran it like a school - so much structure and routine. It’s been really hard to get out of that.

DT are 4yo now and it’s getting easier. They’re in nursery 3 days a week and I work PT so I have some time without dependents (we lose money financially). They are all best friends and play so well together so I can finally finish a cup of tea without feeling guilty that someone needs me - that started at 2yo so you’re nearly there!!

We’ve opted not to have anymore though!

Switching to a buggy rather than a pram helped too…I also had a session with a sleep consultant when mine were your age - best £200 I ever spent!