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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect doctors to have basic people skills?!

112 replies

Isthatmcormac · 18/11/2022 05:48

Ended up at the out of hours GP during the night with 2 year old. Soaring temp that wouldn’t come down. Called 111 for advice, they booked in a callback which we got 4 hours later. DS asleep by this point. 111 booked him in with out of hours and asked us to attend as they were concerned about his breathing rate when they listened in on the phone. 45 min drive from us. So of course, we got him in the car and headed straight there just to be safe.

The doctor was awful. Walked in and sat down with DS - doctor didn’t even speak to us, just grabbed DSs ear to look inside it. DS started screaming and pulled his head away. Doctor barked at me that I need to “play my part and hold him”. My bum had literally barely hit the seat before he grabbed his ear. Of course if I’d known he was going to examine him I’d have held him properly! Then asks “why’s he so sensitive about his ears? Doesn’t seem normal for his age”. Asked me a few questions about other symptoms - barely let me get 2/3 words out each time then just talked over me in a horrendously patronising way. Eg, “how’s his appetite?” “He gave me back half...” “well you’re probably feeding him to much!”

Took DS temperature and muttered “it’s not even high”, walked out of the room, came back in with a bottle of Amoxycillin and handed me it, held the door open for us while he said “paracetamol and ibuprofen, which you do actually have to give regularly. Give him that (the amoxycillin) if you want or wait 48 hours and see how he is. Put him to bed in a nappy with a loose cotton sheet and a fan on”

And that was that. Not even a hello. Didn’t want to listen to a single thing that I felt I should be telling him regarding symptoms etc. Consultation probably lasted 2/3 minutes if that.
When 111 called us back they gave us our pick of appointment times, literally every 15 mins, and commented how quiet our out of hours was that night. So it’s not as if he was rushed of his feet with a waiting room full. I know services on the whole are ridiculously stretched and there are much bigger issues but AIBU to expect GPS to have some basic people skills?! All DS has said since is “mummy, please no doctor again!” 🙄 so that’ll be him kicking off next time he has to go for anything.

OP posts:
PronounsBaby · 18/11/2022 06:15

You must complain.

If it happens again stand your ground and ask for someone else.

It's not worth giving your child a fear of doctors because of an arsehole.

MiddleParking · 18/11/2022 06:18

What a prick. Poor wee boy. I’d complain too.

Fucket · 18/11/2022 06:22

I agree, I’ve become that patient. I will not stand for this behaviour. I don’t care if they’ve studied medicine for 7 years and have a god complex, anyone who try’s to manhandle my child without asking or being polite is going to get a rather curt response from me.

The NHS is in its knees and the staff are worn out but there is no need to take it out on the patients.

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

MiddleParking · 18/11/2022 06:31

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

At an out of hours appointment? You sure? And what have GPs got to do with it? Dear me Hmm

SendARavenToRiverRun · 18/11/2022 06:35

100% complain. I hope DS is better soon. No excuse for the inhumane and rude attitude. Poor boy.

Hidingawaytoday · 18/11/2022 06:38

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

I hate this argument as people never acknowledge that it works both ways! The dr was rude and had no idea what is going on in the mum's life... maybe she was taking her little boy to be seen but had also just had bad news about something else. And I'm fairly sure no gp - let alone an out of hours one - would tell anyone 'you have the symptoms of terminal cancer...'

olympicsrock · 18/11/2022 06:38

He was a dick. Please don’t tar us all with the same brush

BeethovenNinth · 18/11/2022 06:39

There is no excuse for this kind of treatment. None. Your son and you deserve respect and time. Complain. I hope he feels better soon

KvotheTheBloodless · 18/11/2022 06:42

I'd complain - it might have been just a really bad day for him, but equally it might be part of a pattern of unacceptable behaviour which could come to light through multiple complaints.

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:43

MiddleParking · 18/11/2022 06:31

At an out of hours appointment? You sure? And what have GPs got to do with it? Dear me Hmm

Show quote history

This is a GPs appointment....

And yes, people turn up at our of hours with any number of problems, all different levels of seriousness, and stages

For all the OP knows, there could have been an urgent ongoing situation in another room, that the doctor had ducked out of to see her son, before returning to.

You don't like his manners. My surgeon has few manners. I love it - he is straightforward, uncomplicated and doesn't wrap anything up or waste time on niceties.

If the complaint was about medical matters I would understand, but the complaint is simply about the OP would have preferred a different "bedside manner" - when the OP has no idea what else was happening during that shift, and a different patient might have liked and wanted that "bedside manner" anyway

I don't think there is any basis for a complaint here. What is the point? Just a load of faff and inconvenience for everyone. To what end? Maybe he will be politer in future, and annoy another patient by being too polite? Or maybe he would be exactly the same. Or maybe he would decide not to bother with out of hours shifts again, and everyone loses.

I think this complaint is unnecessary and self indulgent. The Op got the advice and medication needed for her son, but wants to quibble about the speed it was given to her. It was too fast????

cansu · 18/11/2022 06:45

He was being a dick. There isn't an excuse. I think people should call it out tbh. I have huge respect for medical professionals but that does not mean they shouldn't treat people with respect and consideration. Complain.

Original poster
Isthatmcormac · 18/11/2022 06:45

@PronounsBaby @MiddleParking @Fucket Thank you. I’m not even sure what the point was in me posting, I was just feeling angry. I did tell the doctor himself when I was leaving that I thought his manner and the way he grabbed at my child was completely inappropriate, and that actually, he hadn’t even told me what he suspected was wrong. I assumed from the “examination” and what he did that he suspected an ear infection but he didn’t actually tell me! I also spoke to the ladies at the reception desk on the way out. I am going to complain this morning. DS saw doctors a few times when he was much younger and it was always a screaming battle then i had him at the GP a few months ago and he was AMAZING with DS. There wasn’t a single tear!!! And now this 🙄 he’s already mentioned “no doctor again” since he got up this morning 🙄

@2greenroses I’m under no illusion that being a doctor isn’t a stressful job!! And the pressure they’re under, particularly at the moment, must be immense. BUT, I’m not asking for him to be a children’s entertainer and make balloon animals for my child - all I’m asking for is a basic level respect along with his medical advice.

OP posts:
MolesOnPoles · 18/11/2022 06:46

What an awful attitude @2greenroses . If you really work in healthcare you should be ashamed of yourself.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/11/2022 06:47

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

Yeah with this attitude I can very much imagine you being a GP receptionist.

cansu · 18/11/2022 06:47

This crap about being straight forward has got to stop. Being a doctor is about dealing with people when they are low or sick. Yes being kind is important and the way staff defend this behaviour encourages some people to continue to think that their skills mean the rules don't apply to me.

CrystalCoco · 18/11/2022 06:49

Isn't the medical profession supposed to be about 'caring' for people fgs!?

There's absolutely no excuse to behave like this to a patient, regardless of what else is going on, it's about having professional standards adhered to and that doesn't JUST mean the advice given, but also the manner of the GP / service provider. Absolutely unacceptable to say that OP should just suck it up because who knows what else was going on.

Not overly surprising to hear that PP was a GP receptionist with an attitude like that tbh.

cansu · 18/11/2022 06:50

2greenroses everyone understands stress. We all experience it. I don't doubt for a minute that being a gp is stressful. Patients are also under extreme stress. They deserve respect and compassion. If you can't give this then you need to take a break.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/11/2022 06:57

Op I would complain, I am sick and tired of this attitude that the NHS can do what they like and treat people like shit, I have been really battling in my own mind whether to complain about my own GP surgery after the way I have been seriously let down and I swing from feeling guilty to feeling angry then I read stuff like like this and know what I need to do.

They way he treat your ds is inexcusable!

On another note something that jumped out in your op was this Give him that (the amoxycillin) if you want or wait 48 hours and see how he is Is this now what GPs do? just hand out antibiotics just in case? Another poster said something similar the other day and no one believed her!

DWMoosmum · 18/11/2022 07:00

You being a GP receptionist says a lot about your ridiculous comment.

Pegasushaswings · 18/11/2022 07:01

He was a dick OP, I don’t understand why medical staff are always excused manners on MN, I doubt other professions are!

Luncheonmeatsandwich · 18/11/2022 07:05

Not acceptable to treat a patient like that, even when stressed. As a HCP I would say that it's far from the norm though. If you're feeling up to it, you could feedback.

nomoreflyingducks · 18/11/2022 07:14

Well not a great bedside manner. But I'm impressed he gave you a bottle of ready made up antibiotics. Round these parts you'd get a prescription and then have to go to the 24 hr pharmacy and then have a 10-20 min wait whilst they made up the prescription.

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 07:16

cansu · 18/11/2022 06:47

This crap about being straight forward has got to stop. Being a doctor is about dealing with people when they are low or sick. Yes being kind is important and the way staff defend this behaviour encourages some people to continue to think that their skills mean the rules don't apply to me.

Its not crap - you get as many complaints about doctors being too diplomatic and polite as you do about doctors being too curt, often the same doctors, sometimes the same consultation!

By all means provide feedback, that is not the same as making a complaint, but don't think that just because you want him to act differently, that all patients do. Some might, some might not

ChairOfInvisibleStudies · 18/11/2022 07:16

"Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done"

That is simply not true. Firstly, the doctor didn't listen to the patient/OP. A consultation should consider history as well as examination, and symptoms (what the patient/carer is reporting) as well as signs (what the doctor finds on examination) to build a full clinical picture and arrive at an appropriate treatment plan. Secondly, medicine practiced well considers the whole patient, which includes not scaring the shit out of a sick toddler, thus reducing their compliance with subsequent medical contact.

'Bedside manner' shouldn't be an optional extra, it's an integral part of being a good medical practitioner.