To expect doctors to have basic people skills?!

[Isthatmcormac]

Ended up at the out of hours GP during the night with 2 year old. Soaring temp that wouldn’t come down. Called 111 for advice, they booked in a callback which we got 4 hours later. DS asleep by this point. 111 booked him in with out of hours and asked us to attend as they were concerned about his breathing rate when they listened in on the phone. 45 min drive from us. So of course, we got him in the car and headed straight there just to be safe.

The doctor was awful. Walked in and sat down with DS - doctor didn’t even speak to us, just grabbed DSs ear to look inside it. DS started screaming and pulled his head away. Doctor barked at me that I need to “play my part and hold him”. My bum had literally barely hit the seat before he grabbed his ear. Of course if I’d known he was going to examine him I’d have held him properly! Then asks “why’s he so sensitive about his ears? Doesn’t seem normal for his age”. Asked me a few questions about other symptoms - barely let me get 2/3 words out each time then just talked over me in a horrendously patronising way. Eg, “how’s his appetite?” “He gave me back half...” “well you’re probably feeding him to much!”

Took DS temperature and muttered “it’s not even high”, walked out of the room, came back in with a bottle of Amoxycillin and handed me it, held the door open for us while he said “paracetamol and ibuprofen, which you do actually have to give regularly. Give him that (the amoxycillin) if you want or wait 48 hours and see how he is. Put him to bed in a nappy with a loose cotton sheet and a fan on”

And that was that. Not even a hello. Didn’t want to listen to a single thing that I felt I should be telling him regarding symptoms etc. Consultation probably lasted 2/3 minutes if that.
When 111 called us back they gave us our pick of appointment times, literally every 15 mins, and commented how quiet our out of hours was that night. So it’s not as if he was rushed of his feet with a waiting room full. I know services on the whole are ridiculously stretched and there are much bigger issues but AIBU to expect GPS to have some basic people skills?! All DS has said since is “mummy, please no doctor again!” 🙄 so that’ll be him kicking off next time he has to go for anything.

That sounds horrible, you must all have been exhausted and he behaved appallingly.

I had the opposite experience recently, I’ve never met such a great GP, late in the evening at a very busy OOH treatment centre under a lot more pressure than the tosser you saw. She was delightful, asked loads of questions, listened, addressed DD like a person, explained what she was doing, made the odd joke and got us a script, useful advice and told us to go back if needed. Given the circumstances and how many people inc children were waiting I was amazed at how thorough she was. I told the receptionist how pleased I was as we left and have sent a thank you to the GP.

I’ve wondered since why I was so shocked by her humanity, efficiency and people skills but it’s because it doesn’t happen often.

Hope DS is much better soon.

As a medical professional this is not an adequate examination of what the OP describes is correct.

OP, get onto PALS if you are concerned. Ignore this comment, yes there may have been someone in before who has made this GP's life harder, but he still should have listened to your concerns. It's well known kids compensate better than adults and drop quickly so need a good history to fully assess their symptoms.

Hope your DS is feeling better soon.

Your attitude is horrific and patronizing.

OP, please complain. My cat’s vet has better bedside manner towards her. This is completely out of line.

So sorry this was your treatment op. There was no need. In that moment your son was his only patient he should’ve taken the time to be compassionate and caring as well as professional and he wasn’t any of those things.

I’ve been a paeds nurse for 18 years and have been in with families receiving devastating news in one room one minute and had to be cheerful and happy with the rest of my patients the rest of the shift, I don’t take my personal life to work with me. All are treated with kindness and patience, respect and dignity and it can be so hard when your heart is breaking for a family but that is the job. We reflect, we cry in the sluice etc but on a long shift you have to carry on.

with my own children, youngest has asd and bad asthma so lots of gp/consultant hospital exposure and the majority have been wonderful I certainly would have had something to say about the treatment of your son, good experiences with healthcare workers are important for children especially in primary care, it can be so scary to be prodded and poked kindness costs nothing!!

I deal with a lot of junior doctor complaints (training program director), and in all my years I have literally never dealt with a complaint that a doctor was “too polite”

And gp receptionist you should be ashamed that you are advocating that this treatment is anything more than unprofessional and damaging!! Glad I’m not at your practice if standards are so very low. No mother gets terminal cancer diagnosis at 2am at out of hours and it’s not the next patient or any patients fault if the gp is stressed or upset it’s hard and it’s upsetting but that’s part of the job. With all your medical degrees and extensive gp experience you should know that? 🙄

I can believe you get "opposite" complaints about bedside manner, too over-familiar, too formal etc. But too polite?! Surely people don't complain that their GP is too polite 🤔Can well believe @2greenroses is a GP receptionist with that attitude!

Totally agree with you

I can well believe you’re a GP receptionist. Christ almighty.

You remind me of those women who fawn all over men in roles of responsibility, like doctors, surgeons and vicars. A family friend was a vicar and his wife was forever being bitched about by the women of the parish who were obsessed with him and thought she wasn’t good enough for him. 😆

To take money from refugee for holiday 29
2greenroses · Today 08:36

I have taken in many refugees over the years, and have kept in touch with some of them. This relates to a young man, an asylum seeker, 18 years old when he stayed with us, a refugee from a hell hole, where he had been separated from his parents, denied education and nutrition, and his siblings killed. ( Yes he crossed the channel in a small boat, I know that question is going to come up...)

His parents and surviving cousin escaped separately, and he eventually rejoined them in another safe European country where they were granted refugee status.

Now, 6 years later, I have cancer, and the family have tried to send me money. I have turned it down repeatedly. But we have a chance to go on holiday, and this could be our last chance. And we are struggling to afford it.

I am doing the right thing to say no, and to potentially miss the holiday, aren't I?

It feels so wrong to say yes, but I have difficulty clarifying to myself why.

I already know I'm not taking the money, really, I suppose I am looking for a way of reassuring myself it is the right decision

YABU - accept the money from a refugee family, who are currently a bit better off that you

YANBU - no, don't accept it, it is wrong

I hope you are treated with more compassion and respect than you or the out of hours doctor showed to the op

GP here. YANBU. This sounds like a really poor consultation from what you describe (and possibly overprescribing antibiotics!)

hope your little boy is feeling better soon.

I also teach medical students and we spend a lot of time teaching them communication skills - which don’t come naturally to everyone but they’re all pretty good by the time they finish. In contrast I had 2 sessions on communication skills when I was at medical school and that was it… so hopefully things are improving.

It doesn’t matter what the doctor was dealing with previously, the whole point of being professional is not letting your patients know what stress you are under! I have had to deal with the death of a patient and then go and triage someone that is relatively well straight afterwards. Does that mean that I can be rude and miserable to the new patient? No, it means that they are there because they are concerned about something, and it is my job to ensure they feel safe, cared for and are given the appropriate treatment. The best people to speak to are PALs as a pp has already mentioned. Things don’t change unless feedback is given. Hope your little boy is feeling better soon.

I'm not a receptionist now, I was in the distant past.

I hope you are treated with more compassion and respect than you or the out of hours doctor showed to the op
@nicslackey

My surgeon is plain speaking to the point of being curt. My feedback has always been that I love it, and this is exactly what I want

I doesn't matter what has happened before, basic kindness is needed. I work in health care and get constant abuse and we still need to be nice. There's a difference between an emotional doctor and a c#&t!

Guff. My experiences have been with home grown regardless of culture or creed.

As someone who's worked clinically and non clinically in the NHS for years, I couldn't disagree more.

Treating people - especially children - with kindness and empathy is a basic tenet of good healthcare.

As for your scenario, how often does an out of hours service tell a young mum she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I'd say that almost never, it's not a conversation that service would (or should) be having.

OP, please do complain, that doctor needs feedback.

@Isthatmcormac what a horrible man! Honestly, some medics are horrendous when it comes to face-to-facet interaction with a patient. Please do report him! I recently had to report my son's surgeon as she sat us down and went through the risks of the operation in front of my 9 year old, who could understand the "risk of stomach rupture / bleeding / death" - just what I needed when DS was already wound up about the op! The hospital said they were grateful for my feedback as some of the docs become complacent - IME I wish the surgeon had asked if we wanted DS to hear the risks or if either my DH or I should take him away for a few moments. I would definitely report it to PALS x

2greenroses · Today 09:28

I hope you are treated with more compassion and respect than you or the out of hours doctor showed to the op
@n@nicslackey

Well good for you but it is clearly not what the 2 year old or their mother or most people on the thread want in a medical professional

cansu · Today 06:50
2greenroses everyone understands stress. We all experience it. I don't doubt for a minute that being a gp is stressful. Patients are also under extreme stress. They deserve respect and compassion. If you can't give this then you need to take a break.“

This. How difficult the doctor’s day may have been had nothing to do with the current patient.

We all have bad days at work when we aren't as good as we can be. I agree that the main focus of this should be on the actual medical care. I know ooh is difficult to cover so maybe he was covering and was knackered.

When i got to the stage of rolling my eyes and thinking here is another neurotic, entitled time waster i knew it was time to leave the NHS!!! I couldn't do that job for another second longer and this Doctor shouldn't be doing it either if he shows such little respect to his patients!

@olympicsrock Please don’t think I was tarring you all with the same brush - I have complained about one other medical professional in my life. Most of you do the most amazing job under obscene amounts of pressure. As a family we’ve received so much amazing care over the years and our local GP is fantastic 😊

@WeWereInParis That’s exactly the issue I have. He wasn’t even clear what it was being given for. According to his muttering, DS didn’t have a high temp, I was handed an antibiotic and told to use it if I wanted. I wasn’t actually given any advice or guidance. (Completely get the post about NICE guidelines and delaying antibiotic use btw 😊 sorry, I can’t find the post again to quote you!!). I was also advised to continue paracetamol/ibuprofen and strip him off with a fan on for sleep when the doctor clearly didn’t think he had a fever which was just odd.