To expect doctors to have basic people skills?!

[Isthatmcormac]

Ended up at the out of hours GP during the night with 2 year old. Soaring temp that wouldn’t come down. Called 111 for advice, they booked in a callback which we got 4 hours later. DS asleep by this point. 111 booked him in with out of hours and asked us to attend as they were concerned about his breathing rate when they listened in on the phone. 45 min drive from us. So of course, we got him in the car and headed straight there just to be safe.

The doctor was awful. Walked in and sat down with DS - doctor didn’t even speak to us, just grabbed DSs ear to look inside it. DS started screaming and pulled his head away. Doctor barked at me that I need to “play my part and hold him”. My bum had literally barely hit the seat before he grabbed his ear. Of course if I’d known he was going to examine him I’d have held him properly! Then asks “why’s he so sensitive about his ears? Doesn’t seem normal for his age”. Asked me a few questions about other symptoms - barely let me get 2/3 words out each time then just talked over me in a horrendously patronising way. Eg, “how’s his appetite?” “He gave me back half...” “well you’re probably feeding him to much!”

Took DS temperature and muttered “it’s not even high”, walked out of the room, came back in with a bottle of Amoxycillin and handed me it, held the door open for us while he said “paracetamol and ibuprofen, which you do actually have to give regularly. Give him that (the amoxycillin) if you want or wait 48 hours and see how he is. Put him to bed in a nappy with a loose cotton sheet and a fan on”

And that was that. Not even a hello. Didn’t want to listen to a single thing that I felt I should be telling him regarding symptoms etc. Consultation probably lasted 2/3 minutes if that.
When 111 called us back they gave us our pick of appointment times, literally every 15 mins, and commented how quiet our out of hours was that night. So it’s not as if he was rushed of his feet with a waiting room full. I know services on the whole are ridiculously stretched and there are much bigger issues but AIBU to expect GPS to have some basic people skills?! All DS has said since is “mummy, please no doctor again!” 🙄 so that’ll be him kicking off next time he has to go for anything.

It's really not acceptable at all. It doesn't matter what has gone before, he's a professional. An OOH GP will not be telling anyone they have terminal cancer!

@AnImaginaryCat yeah I’m sure the last time I was given an antibiotic and told to delay it (for myself) I was a prescription so that I could go and collect it if needed. But I was handed a bottle there and then last night 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️
He’s actually just turned 2 this month 🙈😂 Hes just relatively ‘advanced’ in his language skills. He talks a lot more and more clearly than some of the 3 year olds at groups we go to 🤷🏻‍♀️ They all have something that they pick up faster don’t they 😊 I liked to believe it would make the ‘terrible twos’ a bit easier as he’d be able to communicate his needs better and maybe be less frustrated but in reality I just have one more (very loud 😅) opinion in the house 🤣

YANBU.

I've seen a GP in the past who said absolutely nothing to me, just sat and looked at me as an opener. I'm always amazed at how many of the male doctors seem to be awkward, nerdy types - obviously very intelligent and academic but not suited to a patient facing profession. A lot of doctors are middle class twats in my opinion, they have no idea how to talk to anyone from a different background to themselves (I'm feeling very bitter about lack of social mobility in the UK at the mo, can you tell).

@Doughnutmum Thank you. Still a high temp this morning unfortunately and not coming down much at all. Hopefully it’s just his body doing what it needs to do and fighting it off 🤞🏼
It really didn’t feel like an adequate consultation at all. My son is 2 and while he’s a great communicator for his age, he’s still 2. He just knows he doesn’t feel well. Surely it’s important for the parent/caregiver to give the history and any symptoms that may not currently be showing in order to allow the doctor to do their job? And he just didn’t let me do that at all. As well as giving medication with no clear clinical reason or instructions.

I know he’s in the minority, most medical professionals that we have encountered have been absolutely fantastic 😊

Your standards are so low. You basically will be a door mat and take whatever shite someone pushes your way. Good for you.
OP complain ! Do not let this slide. Your poor child

In contrast, busy A&E, doctor dealt firmly with drunk and abusive patient.

then came over to us, knelt down and took my elderly DMs hands in his, and told her compassionately that her DH was dying.

he had to switch over at a moments notices from defending his staff to giving the worst news possible in a very tender way.

because he was a professional and put others first.

He should have asked for consent before touching your son. He may have been having a difficult day, but he shouldn't have behaved like that.

We really do need to tackle this "put up and shut up" and "take it or leave it" attitude from some NHS staff who clearly think that because the patient isn't paying "per treatment" they don't deserve any kind of professional service.

Same with the blase attitude of appointments, again, the "take it or leave it" and threat of being taken off the list and referred back to the GP if you are brave enough to ask for a more convenient appointment.

I've had to have an MRI and CT scan recently. On both occasions, each radiographer barely spoke and just grunted, no "people skills" at all, and gave the clear impression they were bored and couldn't be arsed to answer questions or give any reasurrances. When I questionned why he tried to give me the dye/marker after I'd told the consultant I didn't want one, and the consultant agreed to put it down as no dye/market, the consultant just grunted and walked away, leaving the nurse/assistant to tell me that I'd have to get back to the consultant to get him to re-refer without the dye/marker. Lots of patients are nervous about MRI scans at the best of times, to have a neanderthal radiographer doesn't help at all. That ended up a wasted appointment because of the NHS, not because of me!

Grabbing your child was an assault.

I’ve become that patient. I will not stand for this behaviour. I don’t care if they’ve studied medicine for 7 years and have a god complex, anyone who try’s to manhandle my child without asking or being polite is going to get a rather curt response from me...staff are worn out but there is no need to take it out on the patients.

This. Ditto nurses, carers... We all need to try to be that patient, parent or carer, as much as we are able to. It's happening too often.

NHS staff who clearly think that because the patient isn't paying "per treatment

There has always been a too-prevalent attitude that patients should feel lucky and accept anything, and grovel on bended knee almost. Whether it's getting worse I couldn't say because it is only in the past few years that I and my family have had large amounts of contact with them. Many many wonderful staff and situations that they've done their absolute best even when staff and resources were overstretched. Too many like this above though.

bullshit. theres never an excuse for rudeness.

It’s probably worth seeing if you can get an appointment with your own GP today @Isthatmcormac if he’s not any better.

The doctor was rude. No excuses.

You get rude people in all jobs but he was unprofessional.
As a HCP we deal with horrible situations sometimes but part of the job is plastering on the smile and moving to the next person. We have to actively listen to each person in order to be able to help them. Your doctor didn’t do this.
We all have bad days but our patients come first.

It’s his job, it’s what he’s paid for. If you work in a call centre, on the bins or selling food on a market stall up you’re not entitled to be rude to your customers— why is he any different?
Please complain, your child should not have a fear of doctors because of one rude, ignorant one.
It takes seconds to say Hi I’m xxx, your little lad has xxxx? I’ll examine his ears if you’d like to hold him. And he is capable of talking while looking in a child’s ears.
Unfortunately I’ve met a lot of drs who think they’re God’s gift to the world and expect patients and other staff alike to fall at their feet.

@TrashyPanda that doctor sounds lovely. I’m sorry that you have had bad news but glad that it was handled gently.

Thank you so much.

it was nearly 15 years ago, but I have never forgotten that doctor.

I have challenged attitudes of Doctors of all grades over the years both to their faces and through the appropriate channels. It may not surprise you to know that the powers that be often get multiple complaints about certain individuals and by you complaining they can build a picture about whether or not they wish to continue to employ the individual. I appreciate Doctors are in short supply but that doesn't mean they should get away with this sort of behaviour.
The way this Doctor behaved was unacceptable and as a minimum requires some retraining.

Are you serious? Nothing about that was appropriate

You wouldn't get a terminal cancer diagnosis at the out of hours gp 😑

No she isn’t. This could traumatise a child. My dd would not have been ok to be examined in this manner. She has a medical condition and needs kid gloves not to start it off. This doctor would have done so for sure. Then dd would have been in his room for over an hour and he’d have had a backlog of patients.

YNBU.
sounds as if there was very little meaningful communication if the doctor didn't want to listen explain symptoms, or even tell you what he diagnosed.

We had an out of hours with my daughter. As we thought it was tonsillitis and we were given antibiotics. The doctor ( who was very nice) asked could she take tablets. My 7 year old said she didn't think she would be able to swallow them, but the doctor said his 7 year old managed fine and gave them to us. We we given enough yo last a few days and a prescription for the rest).
Swallowing the tablets was a disaster. I ended up calling back the next morning ( bank holiday weekend). The nurse got the doctor to call back, which he did a few minutes later. He was surprised the tablets had been given instead of medicine, checked for the nearest pharmacy open that day and sent the prescription straight to them.
Not a major issue as we still got what was needed, but not listening to my daughter's concern about swallowing the tablet ( her tonsils were enlarged-she struggled to swallow anything), meant a waste of tablets, and extra phonecard to out of hours and an extra gp call back. ( plus my daughter will probably get anxious if she now gets prescribed tablets).

I have never been given actual medicine incase, but the surgery hp once gave a prescription incase. She couldn't see an ear infection, but didn't know if it was very early in developing. Gave advice re paracetamol etc, and gave the prescription to use 8f it didn't get better in a day or two ( otherwise we would have only needed to go back).

When little my daughter put a lot on getting a sticker at the end of a gp/dentist appointment. Little things go a long way with children.

If the complaint was about medical matters I would understand, but the complaint is simply about the OP would have preferred a different "bedside manner" - when the OP has no idea what else was happening during that shift, and a different patient might have liked and wanted that "bedside manner" anyway

You don’t think a small child would be scared by an unknown adult touching him, particularly looking in his ears (which would be incredibly painful if he does have an ear infection). As a parent I’d be furious if someone tried to examine my child with no communication with me - consent matters even at that young age, and I’d be able to settle my child which would make the examination easier all round.

Part of any people facing job is to be able to adjust your manner and way of being to the needs of the patient. A child needs a different approach than an adult, a basic competency for any doctor is to flex their communication style to suit the needs of the patient. I’ve never come out of any medical consultation thinking “I wish that medic had been more curt with me”.

@2greenroses there is no defending this doctor's approach at all, and good communication skills and good bedside manner are part of being in healthcare. As an ex receptionist I would expect you to know about the NHS core values and how important they are (notice that Compassion is there!), plus how fundamental getting permission from the patient/guardian before doing anything is:

working together for patients. Patients come first in everything we do

respect and dignity. We value every person – whether patient, their families or carers, or staff – as an individual, respect their aspirations and commitments in life, and seek to understand their priorities, needs, abilities and limits

commitment to quality of care. We earn the trust placed in us by insisting on quality and striving to get the basics of quality of care – safety, effectiveness and patient experience right every time

compassion. We ensure that compassion is central to the care we provide and respond with humanity and kindness to each person’s pain, distress, anxiety or need

improving lives. We strive to improve health and wellbeing and people’s experiences of the NHS

everyone counts. We maximise our resources for the benefit of the whole community, and make sure nobody is excluded, discriminated against or left behind.

The doctor was rude! Just because he is a skilled professional doesn’t mean that he gets to have no manners! If I acted like that in my job when dealing with people I would be disciplined (rightly so!). We all pay for the NHS, the service you received was unsatisfactory therefore you should complain. Simple as.

We need to stop canonising absolutely everyone that works for the NHS.

Law of averages, some will be arseholes, some not very good and some past caring.

Not everyone's an angel. Most are utterly brilliant and we're lucky to have them working for the NHS. Not all.

Hope DC OK, OP

@2greenroses actually he didn’t treat the child. He threw antibiotics at the parent with no explanation or confirmation that there was in fact a bacterial infection that needed treatment. This isn’t even subpar care and goes again NUCE guidance for prescribing antibiotics.