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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect doctors to have basic people skills?!

112 replies

Isthatmcormac · 18/11/2022 05:48

Ended up at the out of hours GP during the night with 2 year old. Soaring temp that wouldn’t come down. Called 111 for advice, they booked in a callback which we got 4 hours later. DS asleep by this point. 111 booked him in with out of hours and asked us to attend as they were concerned about his breathing rate when they listened in on the phone. 45 min drive from us. So of course, we got him in the car and headed straight there just to be safe.

The doctor was awful. Walked in and sat down with DS - doctor didn’t even speak to us, just grabbed DSs ear to look inside it. DS started screaming and pulled his head away. Doctor barked at me that I need to “play my part and hold him”. My bum had literally barely hit the seat before he grabbed his ear. Of course if I’d known he was going to examine him I’d have held him properly! Then asks “why’s he so sensitive about his ears? Doesn’t seem normal for his age”. Asked me a few questions about other symptoms - barely let me get 2/3 words out each time then just talked over me in a horrendously patronising way. Eg, “how’s his appetite?” “He gave me back half...” “well you’re probably feeding him to much!”

Took DS temperature and muttered “it’s not even high”, walked out of the room, came back in with a bottle of Amoxycillin and handed me it, held the door open for us while he said “paracetamol and ibuprofen, which you do actually have to give regularly. Give him that (the amoxycillin) if you want or wait 48 hours and see how he is. Put him to bed in a nappy with a loose cotton sheet and a fan on”

And that was that. Not even a hello. Didn’t want to listen to a single thing that I felt I should be telling him regarding symptoms etc. Consultation probably lasted 2/3 minutes if that.
When 111 called us back they gave us our pick of appointment times, literally every 15 mins, and commented how quiet our out of hours was that night. So it’s not as if he was rushed of his feet with a waiting room full. I know services on the whole are ridiculously stretched and there are much bigger issues but AIBU to expect GPS to have some basic people skills?! All DS has said since is “mummy, please no doctor again!” 🙄 so that’ll be him kicking off next time he has to go for anything.

OP posts:
Skodacool · 18/11/2022 07:19

DWMoosmum · 18/11/2022 07:00

You being a GP receptionist says a lot about your ridiculous comment.

This. I’m appalled that there are people around with such awful attitudes.

thenewduchessoflapland · 18/11/2022 07:24

Isn't doesn't matter how busy the doctor was,the time nor how stressed he was or if he has a good bedside manner or not.

He simply needed to be a basic level of polite,not inappropriately manhandle a young child and not throw unwarranted personal insults at the OP.

WeWereInParis · 18/11/2022 07:26

What I'd find unacceptable (and maybe I've missed it in your post) is that he's given you antibiotics with no discussion on why? What infection does he think your son has, what are the antibiotics actually for? Surely you need to be told that?

My three year old had a temp for 5 days and so we took her to the GP on Monday who looked in her throat and said it was tonsillitis and gave antibiotics because it was lasting so long and her tonsils looked quite bad. That was all explained to me and only took about 10 extra seconds - surely letting the patient (or patient's parent) know why something is being prescribed is fairly basic.

cansu · 18/11/2022 07:26

No doctor has received a complaint for being too polite. That is bullshit frankly. There may be people who are happy with blunt but they do not complain that the doctor was too kind and polite.

lollipoprainbow · 18/11/2022 07:28

@2greenroses you sound like a typical GP receptionist to me.

lollipoprainbow · 18/11/2022 07:28

Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer?

Hopefully not if their bedside manner needs major work.

Maybeonedayeventually · 18/11/2022 07:29

YANBU. I'm a stressed out nurse and was expecting to say YABU but this is really poor. Even when the ward is unsafely staffed/busy I say hello to patients and explain what I'm doing before I do it, and my patients are adults.

NippyWoowoo · 18/11/2022 07:30

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

Yes, I'm sure that test results for cancer are given out during the night 'out of hours' 🙄

I don't get this attitude, people can have all sorts of shit thrown at them and there'd always be one saying 'you should be grateful, you got what you needed'.

The bar is low.

Zanatdy · 18/11/2022 07:31

I’ve got a long term medical issue and have been to many top london hospitals with it. So many doctors have zero people skills. One was extremely rude and I refused to see him again. I had an argument with a local GP a few months ago as I was sick of my teenage daughters health issue being ignored, she looked as white a sheet and she’s mixed race, so really shouldn’t be that pale, yet they said her iron was ok. I said she didn’t need seeing that day when he asked if I was an emergency as this had been going on for months. But I wanted bloods doing. After giving all her symptoms he said very rudely ‘don’t you think she needs to be seen by a doctor then, and listed off some symptoms id said’ so I got really annoyed and said ‘well you’re the doctor, you tell me’. He was nice as pie when we did see him, and of course it wasn’t an emergency. He did then try and suggest she had an eating disorder as she is thin. Won’t be seeing him again!

PAFMO · 18/11/2022 07:36

Hope your son is feeling better now.
The poor people skills warrant a complaint, as does the willy nilly handing out of antibiotics without any kind of proper instructions other than "do as you see fit". He said the child's temperature wasn't high then said paracetamol/ibuprofen and antibiotics. Bizarre.

BellePeppa · 18/11/2022 07:46

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

What a silly post. The dr didn’t sound very empathetic so doubt he was reeling over some imaginary previous patient’s predicament.

Prescottdanni123 · 18/11/2022 07:56

@olympicsrock

I don't think OP is tarring you all with the same brush. She is just saying that she expects GPS to have basic people skills and this one quite clearly doesn't.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 18/11/2022 07:58

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

This is a perfect example of how administrative staff who work in a healthcare setting feel like they "know medicine".

No GP (OOH or not) would be able to pinpoint someone's symptoms as "terminal cancer"! That is something that would require significant consultation with a specialist and a load of diagnostic tests. So your analogy is ridiculous and melodramatic.

AnImaginaryCat · 18/11/2022 08:00

nomoreflyingducks · 18/11/2022 07:14

Well not a great bedside manner. But I'm impressed he gave you a bottle of ready made up antibiotics. Round these parts you'd get a prescription and then have to go to the 24 hr pharmacy and then have a 10-20 min wait whilst they made up the prescription.

This is what I thought. In fact was quite distracted from the brusque behaviour of the doctor by the ready made bottle of antibiotics being handed out.

You can complain if you wish OP, choice is yours. Though I'm presuming your son is at the older side of two, seeing his speech is so well developed, so whatever you do make sure he realises that's not normal behaviour from.a doctor and there's nothing to fear.

Flairmaine · 18/11/2022 08:13

In a sonographer and have worked with a number of GPs in surgeries and in hospitals. Most are wonderful, but as in all workplaces, some are not. You must complain as there is no reason for someone to be rude to you. GPs do have it tough, of course. Everyone knows this. Most are doing their best, and are also managing to still be kind to their patients.

DWMoosmum · 18/11/2022 08:16

@olympicsrock I'm sure she isn't. I've seen so many doctors over the past few years and absolutely all of them have been incredible. Thank you for what you do, we do appreciate it. x

heartbroken22 · 18/11/2022 08:19

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PearlclutchersInc · 18/11/2022 08:21

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

A GP receptionist......ah right.

Your doctor was definitely lacking in social skills but I've found over the past few years so many have. Is it a generational thing?

I sometimes wonder though, with the behaviour of some of the general public if it's a decline as a reaction.

DeathMetalMum · 18/11/2022 08:23

No excuse, however some people don't have people skills, and some people just can't learn them.

I work in a healthcare and my boss regularly sees paitents. He can be very blunt and harsh when he's talking to some of the members of staff, seometimes a bit huffy and puffy when we are extremely busy. However he always turns on his charm for paitents, and has a very good manner, particularly children no matter what type of mood he is in.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/11/2022 08:23

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wtf Shock

OoooohMatron · 18/11/2022 08:24

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

What bollocks.

Qazwsxefv · 18/11/2022 08:25

Sounds like the Gp did not communicate well and if you want to complain you should.

I don’t think all doctors have to be great communicators- if I’m having plastic surgery all I care about is them being very good at fixing noses neatly or whatever but a GPs job involves a lot of communication- they should be good at it

On the delayed antibiotics- giving a prescription but advising you to wait 48hrs is in the NICE guidelines. Most ear infections resolve by day three without antibiotics, those that don’t benefit from antibiotics on day 3-4. It both decreases antibiotic overuse and resistance by not giving every ear infection antibiotics on day one and saves another appointment - parents understandably don’t want to be told that their kid may or may not get better and if they don’t they have to call up again and do the whole rigamarole of getting an appointment

BakedRightOff · 18/11/2022 08:26

2greenroses · 18/11/2022 06:29

YABU. You have no idea what else was going on. You were seen, your boy was examined, you were given advice and medication. Who knows what the last patient was, maybe a young mum who had to be told she has all the symptoms of terminal cancer? I have worked as a GP receptionist, and the stress on GPs can be immense at times. Your son was treated, so medically, everything appropriate was done

Don’t know if you’re aware that other people in society have really stressful jobs and stuff going on in their personal life. If I spoke like that when I was at work (snr exec) I would expect to be pulled up on it as that is not acceptable ever.

Of course we all understand the situation with the NHS. That’s not a get out of jail free card to behave like this.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 18/11/2022 08:26

I have only read page 1 of this thread but read the gp receptionist pp's contribution and wanted to say I have been a medical secretary for, so far, 45 years and the out of hours gp's attitude was appalling and I would be complaining for sure. I have, as a patient and in my work, met a (very) few like this - it is usually younger, junior doctors in hospitals, who need to ditch the ego, have some basic manners and actually listen to the patient (or they will miss some very important pointers to their condition). I have also met a very few GPs who are definitely in the wrong career as they appear to really dislike dealing with their patients. As a hospital patient, my red flag is when they fail to tell you who the heck they are when they turn up at your bedside.

RambamThankyouMam · 18/11/2022 08:27

I have absolutely no patience for behaviour like this from doctors.

When DD was a day old, a very snappy and rude consultant came to our bedside in the ward and said "She needs a lumbar puncture" and tried to wheel DD away in her bassinet. So cold, not even an explanation why. I wouldn't let her take DD away until she sent another, more civil doctor to come and tell me what was happening.

Appalling.