Having to clean up after myself in a cafe?

[goodmorningsunny]

I go with a group of friends and out babies to a cafe each week. Apparently the week before last the cafe manager had a go at one of the mums because she said that her baby made mess under his high chair and she didn't clean it up before she left.

This week, as I was packing up to leave (with a screaming overtired baby who is refusing to nap because of teething!), she gave me a dustpan and brush and pointed at the few bit of food under her high chair and asked me to clean up after myself.

It's advertised as a very family friendly cafe.

To make it clear, if she had made an unreasonable mess I would of course have cleaned it up (or tried, it's a bit difficult when you don't have any cleaning materials). But it was a few bits on the floor. I've offered to clean up in other cafes and they've said "don't be silly, we'll do it!".

I guess I'm going to be way more conscious about allowing my baby to make a mess in the future (good luck!). But after I told my mum, she said I should leave a negative review about it on their cafe page and seemed to think it was unreasonable.

Is it unreasonable to ask a parent to clean the floor after their baby? I'm torn because on the one side, I can see how it would be annoying for the staff. On the other hand, I don't bring cleaning materials with me and it's advertised as family friendly... which I would think would mean they're aware that babies make mess!

Wow, that must be a British thing, because if a waitress did that where I am she would soon have no customers left. (And indeed she would no longer have to worry about sweeping under the table after some kids have been there as would be on the dole).

Er - no?

Scenario 1: baby crying (people start looking), mother tries to leave, staff say she's left a mess (more people looking) and bring a dustpan and brush and stand over her while she cleans (whole of the cafe watching the spectacle)

Scenario 2: baby crying (people start looking) mother packs up and leaves, rest of cafe stop rubber necking, staff come and sweep up under chair while nobody watches

OP didn't say it was a big mess, she said it was a few bits of food. I don't think you can interpret that as masses of food everywhere.

Interesting, I thought it might be a British thing.
I’m English and I never knew asking to borrow a dust pan and brush was a normal thing in a cafe.

This drives me nuts in our gym which has a kids section of the cafe area. Parents leave it in a dreadful state. it's not hard - use a couple of wet wipes, clear up all the mess/gummed food and put it in the bin. I'm astonished people are actually questioning whether they need to clear up their own mess!

Or scenario 3) mother does what the rest of us do and leaves the baby in the highchair while she spends 15-20 seconds picking up the worst of the mess with a paper napkin or baby wipe, or she asks for a dustpan if a staff member is passing, without having to be asked to clean up after herself.

Whenever out with ds, I would pick up anything from the floor as soon as it fell and give the high chair a wipe too, once he was older and sitting at the table, I would give the table a wipe with the napkin if he left any mess on the table.

IMO parents should tidy up to a reasonable level after their children and it is good example to teach your children, so once they are old enough they can do themselves.

Ah, I mis-read a post - a woman bought a cup of tea and brought “full on packed lunches” for her children. I wasn’t aware that people were allowed to do this.

I always cleared up after dd. I used to take a plastic mat out with me. Some people leave the cafe in an abominable state. I stack plates and clear the table at McDonald’s.

My local coffee shop doesn’t do fruit, kids items etc. Pretty much the only thing they do are cakes, pastries and toasted sandwiches but things like blue cheese with honey and spicy salami on very hard crunchy bread.
It’s just not appropriate for a 1 year old, nor is the middle of a piece of toast going to cut it for an actual meal.
I can get a delicious lunch, and DD is a very adventurous eater but I’m not going to buy her an £8 sandwich she won’t eat and she will still be hungry and aggravated if she can’t have a lunch too.

It honestly baffles me that there are people actually arguing that it’s inappropriate to have food with you in a cafe for a BABY!

Im not saying I don’t ever find something appropriate for her but every time I go out for a significant period of time I pack a meal and I’m not going to feel bad about getting it out in a cafe when there is nothing appropriate for her to have. It’s really not comparable to an adult bringing their own lunch to a cafe.

In defense of the criticism of people bringing kids their own food I used to do this. It was less to do with money and more to do with the absolute waste and unhealthiness that seems to come with toddler cafe meals. Often the only option is some sort of sandwhich deal which involves sandwhiches wrapped 3 times over, fruit wrapped in plastic (usually a really sugary type eg raisins), a yoghurt crammed with sugar (and in disposable plastic), a biscuit/chocolate bar wrapped in plastic and a pack of crisps full of white carbs. All washed down with a sugary drink in a disposable carton. It drives me potty!

I’ve always cleaned up after mine in cafe’s when they’ve made a mess. I wouldn’t dream of just walking out and leaving it!. I think it’s totally reasonable to ask you to sort the mess out.

"Family friendly" does not mean "treat our restaurant like a pig sty" any more than it means "your kids may run around and shriek at will, no matter how obnoxious."

A few crumbs on the table, the server can clear it. If your child is tossing food onto the floor, have the integrity to clean it up. If that is too onerous, get takeaway to eat in the park or have meetups at home. Don't treat business establishments like your own kitchen or lounge.

It baffles me that anyone would think otherwise. They aren't your servants.

I dunno I'm British and have worked as a waitress and I think its appalling behaviour. I think OP just had a particularly poor waitress.

I always, always clean up after my DC and myself when out in a cafe / restaurant. It’s just good manners. I was at dunelm a few years ago when DC were little more than toddlers and a young family next to us, with DC the same age, had crumbs everywhere and they just upped and left. It’s disgusting. You wouldn’t do that at your own home so no need to let others clean up your mess. My DC know to wipe up any crumbs and to stack plates nicely.

Well the option of eating at home is always open if you don't like what the cafe sells to stay in business.

I think the owner was a little rude and I'd do the meet up elsewhere. When I was on mat leave we sometimes had a group go to morrisons cafe, nice and cheap and usually pretty empty on a weekdays so plenty of space

I wonder if we go to the same gym chain. Ours have soft play areas and the mess those areas are left in is shocking.

Yes I forgot this is the UK... the country where we put unbelievable pressure on parents and kids for kids to.... well...... just stop being bloody kids.... and quitely ostracise them for doing so then wonder why there's an epidemic of kids and young adults riddled with crippling mental health problems. It's all good though as long as the damned kids stay in their home and make no noise or mess until they're 18.

This.

Other than infant formula, it's really rude to take food into an establishment that sells it. I include the cinema there, too. Saying the food is for a toddler doesn't make it right.

No toddler is going to develop mental health problems by not dining in cafes where it doesn't like the menu choices, come on.

I always pick anything off he floor and wipe the highchair down after mine. Although most places are friendly and tell me not to worry.

How is the mother of a child picking up stuff of the floor going to give the child mental health problems?

Laughable. Showing consideration for others isn't going to affect anyone negatively.

Why do some drama llamas seem to seek any opportunity to imply that any poster, who makes the slightest criticism of some parents ' behaviour, wants all children banished to the coal mines and fed on bread and water until they're 20?

Exactly this.

Some of these comments are bizarre. Do people think they’re entitled to sit in a cafe for, presumably, a change of scenery, and to hell with the business owners trying to stay afloat?

Get a labrador . You'd never have this issue !